HERNAN I’m gonna call Hernan by his favorite word: “Bitch.” He called everyone a bitch; Sandhya was a bitch because she purposely chose the bad brown-and-white tuxedo for him; he called the fabric a bitch because he couldn’t work with it; and he called Kini a bitch because Kini can design and sew and tailor … which is why they’re on this show. At the critique, Tim just shook his head and made faces, because, for a supplemental fabric, Hernan bought vinyl—or as he called, and thank goddess for subtitles, “vineal”. Tim pointed out how stiff the vinyl acted because, guess what, it isn’t fabric and can’t be treated like fabric or expected to drape like fabric. So, Hernan rethinks the vinyl, removing most of it, but leaving enough to make quite the [bad] impression.
WHAT THEY SAID It look beautiful. It look much better than I expecting
WHAT I SAID And now appearing in The Vagina Monologues, Hernan! Why the hell would you place a giant vinyl V over a woman’s vadge? WHY!!!!!!
WHAT THE JUDGES SAID Hernan began complaining that his fabric was so old, that it simply fell apart while he was sewing it, and had he had a better fabric, in a better color, and more time, and more money and more time, he could have made something better. Uh huh. Heidi said there were so many things wrong with the dress, starting with the V; it was tacky and costume-y and cheesy. Nina called it a Vagina Superhero costume—Vah-Jay-Jay Girl, who shoots lasers from, well, you get it—though she did like the way the back draped. Beth Mota called it unflattering, and said it looked like Pop Star Halloween—and I could see BritBrit or Miley rockin’ this look at an All Hallows Eve Hoe-down! The Adorable Zac Posen™ called out the fit issues and the bad seaming, and, looking at it up close, called out the lie that the fabric was deteriorating. Heidi then cut to the chase, “You didn’t like the suit material so you bought vinyl?”
WHAT HAPPENED Pack your vinyl and go, Bitch. |
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