I Didn't Say It ...

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina senator, clutching his pearls and fear-mongering about ISIS:

"The first thing I want to tell American people, from my point of view, it is our fight, it is not just their fight. I will not let this president suggest to the American people we can outsource or security and this is not about our safety. There is no way in hell you can form an army on the ground to go into Syria, to destroy ISIL, without a substantial American component. To destroy ISIL, you have to kill or capture their leaders, take the territory they hold back, cut off the financing, and destroy the capability to regenerate. This is a war we’re fighting, not a counter-terrorism operation. This is not Somalia, this is not Yemen. This is a turning point in the war on terror. Our strategy will fail yet again. This president needs to rise to the occasion before we all get killed back here at home."

Someone needs to tell her to calm the eff down. 

Oh, and to remind her that she was saying the exact opposite thing just a couple of months ago. 

Lindsey in flip-flopping in sequined footwear.

Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, responding to Graham’s pronouncement:

“The poor man lives his entire life trapped in ‘The Blair Witch Project.’ For God’s sakes, I’ve seen Chihuahuas in handbags who are less fretful and shaking.”

Snap.

Bryan Fischer, of the American Family Association, offering proof that we are a Christian nation:

"You want one single item of proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation and not an Islamic nation? One single bit of proof is all you need: we freely allow restaurants and grocery stores to sell and to serve bacon. That can only happen in a Christian country. So the sheer fact that we freely allow the sale and consumption of bacon is absolute proof that we are, in fact, a Christian nation."

Hmmm, or it could mean we’re an atheist or agnostic nation, but Fischer won’t ever say that.

But seriously folks, this man has said some of the most ridiculous, inane, moronic, stupid, asshatted things on his little Hate Show, but this one … mother%king bacon … is the most loony tunes thing ever!

Jon Hamm, on social media: 

“This constant recording of your life and updating of your ‘status’ . . . I don’t do that. No event ‘happened’ unless you took a picture of it. Going to a concert or a ballgame, are actual things. But you’re not watching because you’re busy trying to record it so you can tell your friends about it and put it on YouTube. It’s totally meaningless.”

How much fun can you be having when you’re taking a selfie just to show you were “there?”

Howsabout being present? Howsabout acknowledging those around you? Howsabout a few less pictures of what you ate? Where you sat? Or your giant forehead in a selfie?

Dan Savage, on that Tennessee billboard:

"When we bring up God's holy ban on eating shellfish or His loving command to kill your daughter if she isn't a virgin on her wedding night—passages in the Bible that Christians ignore—we're told that those passages are in the Old Testament, silly, so they neither apply nor matter to Christians because Jesus. Leviticus 18:22 goes on to say that men who lie with men as with women should be put to death. (Can't you just feel the love for people, people?) But if someone else were to put up a billboard in Portland proclaiming that all women who aren't virgins on their wedding nights should be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:20-21)—or that adulterers like Mark Sanford and David Vitter must be put to death (Leviticus 10:10) or that women should be forced to marry their rapists (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). Basically: It's fair game for them to use the Old Testament to beat up queers, but it's not fair for queers to use that same Old Testament to highlight their hypocrisy.”

As usual, I have nothing to add. Dan’s said it all and really quite nicely.

Sean Hannity, Fox New host, making an incredible leap by saying that arresting NFL star Adrian Peterson for brutally whipping his four year-old son is a slippery slope to banning parents from telling children they shouldn't be gay:

"You guys want to tell parents what they can and cannot do. For example, is it gonna become illegal if a parent teaches kids the politically incorrect view that being gay is not normal? Or that the parent says — whatever the parent wants to teach the kid that you would disagree with? I think we’ve gotten to the point where, if we don’t politically correct our kids, we might as well hand our kids over to the government the day that they’re born and let them raise them."

Let me make this queer for you, Hannity.

For some people, myself included, being gay is perfectly normal, hence being gay is normal, for gay people. Being straight, for me, is not normal; now that doesn’t make being straight abnormal, it just makes it not normal for me, or any number of other gay folks out there.

And when parents talk to their children about what it means to be gay it could be as simple, as normal as this: Some men love women, some men love men. It’s all love, so it’s all normal.

The more difficult explanation would be talking to your kids about why Fox News calls itself a news organization

Now, take a seat.