Random Musings

After the terrorist attack that left several people dead last week, this week satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo issued a new magazine, with yet another caricature of the prophet Mohammed on the cover.

Translation: All is forgiven.

The magazine, which normally sells around 30,000 copies a week, had an initial run of three million, which was subsequently upped to five million after copies were being snapped up all over the place.

Freedom of Speech lives. Je suis Charlie.

So, the other night I was watching Marry Me, a moderately funny show created by the same guy who created the very funny, and sadly canceled, Happy Endings. Still, Marry Me is good, and there are some bits of irreverence and truly funny moments like …

The week’s episode was about couples having a ‘show,’ a favorite show they watch together. And it was about how, maybe, half the couple watched the show without their other half, but what made me giggle was the gay dads on the show, and how they watch TV.

The one gay dad, Kevin, played by Tim Meadows, watched his ‘couples’ show without his husband, also Kevin, played by Dan Bucatinsky, because Dan’s Kevin was always asking so many questions that Tim’s Kevin couldn’t watch the show.

That’s me and Carlos.

We’re watching a show and Carlos will say, Oooh that’s a nice lamp or I thought she was dead or Wasn’t he in that movie we saw? You know, that movie? And I will have to stop the DVR, answer the question and then try to catch up with the story.

So, I made Carlos watch the scene and told him that was us, and he said, Which one are you?

I’m the black guy! I said. I’m black!

I imagine our neighbors wondered what the hell was going on in The Big Gay House.

PS Carlos said, Was there a Black guy?

Oy.

Good news on the Gays In Ads front: Tiffany has released a new print ad that is chic and clean and beautiful, featuring a gorgeous couple who is newly engaged.

The only difference is that the couple is composed of two men, making them the first gay couple ever featured in a Tiffany’s engagement campaign. Even better, the couple in the ad is a real-life New York couple.

The march goes on ….

Okay, so I watched Empire on Fox last week, Now, I am not a particular fan of rap or hip-hop so I wondered if I’d like the show that was dubbed Nashville Goes Hip Hop. But, it was also called Urban Dynasty so I was intrigued. 

Plus there were some hot mens in the piece, like Jussie Smollett and Rafael de la Fuente, who play a gay couple, and Trai Byers who is a piece of prime beefcake.

It also stars Taraji P. Henson in a standout role as cookie; Cookie is a spitfire, fresh from prison, wanting what’s hers and when Henson is onscreen you don’t see anyone else. She is amazing.

Sadly, it also stars Terrence Howard, playing smug and smarmy.

Check it out for the beefcake and stay for Cookie.

So, Pope Francis will be visiting the Philippines soon and with so many people on the streets, and so many traffic enforcers — some 2,000 — needed to keep things running smoothly, there was the question of what to do when nature calls? Leave your post and head for the loo? Oh hell no.

Those 2,000 traffic enforcers who will be on duty during the Pope’s visit will be required to wear adult diapers, according to Metropolitan Manila Development Authority chairman Francis Tolentino, who even encouraged people waiting to see Frankie to also wear diapers.

Oh lord. Imagine the changing tables in the restrooms. Oy.

In WTF news: McCleish Christmas Benham, the passenger who went on a drunken, violent, anti-gay rampage caught on video at DFW International Airport last fall will pay just $474 in fines.

Benham assaulted two people while yelling anti-gay epithets, before other passengers tackled him to the ground and he was arrested. He was charged with public intoxication and simple assault.

He had pleaded no contest — meaning he admitted he was guilty — but failed to appear in court which lead to the fines. The lesson learned: beat up a gay in an airport while shouting homophobic slurs and you just pay a fine. 

Don’t mess with Texas … better yet, don’t go to Texas.

Oh, the showtune queen in me is all atwitter.

There have been rumors that a  movie version of the hit Broadway musical Wicked: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz  going around ever since the show opened eleven years ago, but now, well, it seems like it may actually happen.

Producer Marc Platt has said that a film version of Wicked could be in theaters by next year … even if the movie hasn’t been officially greenlighted yet. Steven Daldry, who directed The Hours, is said to be on board, but we, and by we I mean me, er, I, need to remember that it took 30 years to get Les Miz from stage to screen, and 27 years to get Into The Woods on film.

Still, 2016? I’m getting in line now with my Wicked t-shirt, my Wicked cap, and my Wicked mug.

Yes, I am that queen.

Out west, the Ninth Circuit of Appeals has denied Idaho Governor Butch Otter’s petition for an en banc review of the court’s decision to strike down Idaho’s same-sex marriage ban.

Still, Otter has promised that he would continue to fight against marriage equality in Idaho until he was left with no other options.

Good luck with that … dick.

In other movie news, Matt Bomer, My-Husband-In-My-Head and recent Golden Globe winner for the Normal Heart, is set to play closeted gay actor Montgomery Clift in a new HBO film.

Clift starred in classic films like The Heiress, Red River, From Here to Eternity and Judgment at Nuremberg. He died of a heart attack in 1965 at the age of 45.

It should be a great pairing of Bomer and Clift.

Again, the queen in me cannot wait!

In the wake of the attack at Charlie Hebdo last week, Congressman Randy Weber, of Texas of course, Tweeted a disgusting attack on President Barack Obama, offending what appears to be the vast majority of people who saw his tweet:

Of course, Weber was just goose-stepping along with Fox News by dragging the President through the mud for not marching in the Paris Unity Rally last weekend—and for the record, I think Obama should have been there, but I would never have compared him to Hitler, you know, because I’m not an asshat.

Weber left his stupid Tweet up for almost a day while people replied to him, calling him out on his ridiculous behavior, and then he apologized … kind of:

“I need to first apologize to all those offended by my tweet. It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler. The mention of Hitler was meant to represent the face of evil that still exists in the world today. I now realize that the use of Hitler invokes pain and emotional trauma for those affected by the atrocities of the Holocaust and victims of anti-Semitism and hate."

He didn’t mean to compare Obama to Hitler in a Tweet in which he compares Obama to Hitler?

Siddown Weber, you’re just another racist Texas congressman who spends most of his time kissing the ass of Fox News.

Oh, and where was your apology to the man you offended most of all, the President?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

In other political news, the 114th Congress took office this week and the Lunatics Running The Asylum, AKA Teabaggers, no time in introducing plethora of f**kery, like:

Rep. Steve King, Iowa, introduced a resolution to repeal the Sixteenth Amendment, which authorizes Congress to levy income tax. King also introduced a resolution to repeal the Affordable Care Act … again!

Rep. Mo Brooks, Alabama, introduced a resolution to authorize Congress to sue to the president for "actions inconsistent" with his duties regarding immigration laws.

Rep. Tom Rice, of South Carolina … sigh … introduced a resolution to authorize the House to sue any member of the executive branch who "oversteps their authority" regarding immigration laws. 

Rep. Robert Anderholt, also Alabama, introduced a resolution to repeal any executive order regarding immigration reform and "restore" such actions to the federal legislature.

Rep. Bob Goodlatte, Virginia, introduced a resolution to "terminate" the Internal Revenue Code.

Rep. Andy Barre, Kentucky, introduced a resolution that would limit members of the Senate to serving two consecutive terms and limit members of the House to serving six consecutive terms; okay, I like that one.

Rep. Trent Franks, Arizona, introduced a resolution to make it a felony punishable by five years in prison to perform an abortion on a woman carrying a "pain-capable" fetus.

Rep. Todd Young, Indiana, introduced a resolution to raise the threshold for classification as a full-time worker from 30 hours per week to 40 hours per week, which would mean the end of mandated health insurance for everybody who works fewer than 40 hours, which means F**K you Middle class..

It’s gonna be a rough couple of years with the Rightwingnuts in the House … and Senate.

Randy Thomas, a former vice-president of ex-gay group Exodus International, is now embracing the fact that he’s a big old queen and showing us, once again, that being gay is not a choice and reparative therapy is a sham. He says, now:

“I have read many stories of people who have ‘come out again’ or accepted they are gay after some time in the ex-gay world. Many of their stories are compelling and well-written. But, sometimes I wish they would get to the point right off the bat. Just say it and then tell the story. So that is what I am going to do: I am gay.”

I’d say Welcome Out, and I might give you a gift or two, but after all the harm you’ve inflicted by being a self-loathing closeted queer, you don’t need a gift.

You need to give us a gift and simply go away and be gay and quiet.

Random Musings

It’s been a while since I’ve Randomly Mused — darn those pesky holidays — but I do have something to say, first and foremost about a show past its prime or relevance and about a hottie on that show …

Marshall Williams, an actor, model and contestant on Canadian Idol — and let’s not discuss the lack of relevance of America Idol — is joining the cast of Glee for its final … thank the goddess …season, playing Spencer, a foot ball star and stud and gay man.

But producers are quick to point out that Spencer is a “post-Glee gay — no one messes with him about his sexuality because he will kick their asses if they do.”

But do they mess around with him in, um, other ways?

Asking for a friend …

Speaking of gay, the oh-so-not-gay Congressman Aaron Schock Tweeted this vacation snapshot.

That’s all.

While watching the tube the other night an ad for Selma, the new picture about MLK and the Civil Rights Movement came on. I mentioned to Carlos that I wanted to see it and he said, “Selma? Selma Hayek?”

I said, “Yes, Selma Hayek, noted Civil Rights activist from the 1960s.”

Carlos gets a pass because he was not raised in this country and therefore never learned about Selma, but still, I almost choked from laughter.

Plus, it’s Salma Hayek, I reminded him.

Over there to England, Sir Elton John married David Furnish, his partner of 21 years, over the hols — that’s what they call holidays in Britain and I’m feeling a little Madonna so I’m’a fake a Brit accent, too.

But, sad to say, things need to change in the UK because had Sir Elton married a woman she would be Lady John, but David, as a an … gasp … is given no such title.

C’mon, England, make David a Sir.

Earlier this week, virulently homophobic former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell was sentenced to two years in prison after being convicted of corruption. Wait? A corrupt politician? Say it ain’t so!

McDonnell, after being sentenced, addressed the court:

"I stand before you as a heartbroken and humbled man.”

Not so fast, you more of a busted man, a criminal man, but he also said he will dedicate the rest of his life “newly to service.”

Hopefully in the prison laundry.

No starch please.

Since marriage equality finally came to Florida, it wasn’t such a shock that Tampa Bay Times named Florida’s Attorney General Pam Bondi its "Loser Of 2014":

“It's hard to imagine how someone who won re-election so handily (rival George Sheldon could not afford a single TV ad) could emerge from 2014 more wounded and diminished as our Republican attorney general … Bondi's clumsy communication skills and relentless defense of Florida's gay marriage ban have made her a modern-day Anita Bryant. Antagonizing Florida's gay voters over same-sex marriage and Hispanic voters over immigration reform ensures Bondi has a bright political future ahead of her — if she moves to Mississippi.”

C’mon, don’t do that to Mississippi!

Wait, so David Furnish can’t be a ‘Sir’ but Joan Collins gets to be a ‘Dame’?

The diva of Dynasty was made the female equivalent of a knight in Queen Elizabeth II's annual New Year's honors list. She was recognized for her services to nonprofit groups helping children.

Sadly, right after the awards, Krystle Carrington appeared out of nowhere and shoved Joan into a pool.

More Carlos? M’kay.

He has the habit of not wanting to use the last of anything. He’s been known to ring a deodorant stick dry rather than open a new one; he’s been known to make dinner, and then dig out a piece of Tupperware to save … literally … a teaspoon of rice for the next day.

But this is about toilet paper. We recently had a houseguest at Casa Bob y Carlos and Carlos was cleaning the guest bathroom when he saw that the toilet paper in that bath was down to its last two or three sheets. He replaced the roll with a new one, but brought the nearly unused roll into the master bathroom for us … or me … to, er, polish off. Well, I decided to test Carlos and so I refused to use it and instead used a new roll.

That nearly-done roll sat in out bathroom for over a week until Carlos finally broke and used it. Then, he brought out the cardboard roll and tried to shove it down my shirt. I tossed it at him; he tossed it at me … we’re children, you know … and then I tossed it to the floor. H left it there and I said it would stay there, possibly to become a cat toy unless he picked it up.

Children, remember.

But then I had an idea. I took that toilet paper roll, which still had a single sheet dangling from it, and drew a face on it, with a tongue sticking out, and taped it to a piece of card stock and stuck it in the mailbox for Carlos to find when he returned from work.

That’s all, there’s no real point to the story except that, well, we’re children, and I am far more childish!

In a bit of crazy, Teabagging loon and Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert promised to be the engine of change that conservatives have been calling for in their rebellion against the establishment wing of the Republican Party and vowed to unseat John Boehner as Speaker of the House. 

If elected speaker, Louie Louie said he would “fight amnesty tooth and nail” because immigrants have no place in the Land of the Free, and that he would defund Obamacare so only the wealthy could afford healthcare, and he would, ahem, bring “positive solutions that will return power back to the people.”

And by people, he means rich white guys who hate women, the Gays, the immigrants and, well, anyone who isn’t rich white and male.

Sadly, Gohmert failed at his attempt, though, also sadly, we are stuck with Boehner for the next two years of a Do Nothing Congress.

Happy New Year

I love the New Year. The freshness of what may be; the thought of infinite possibility; the idea that I am another year older. Okay, that last one I don't like so much, but since, as I tell my sister who thinks I never look any older, The Gays aren't allowed to age, I don't mind the extra year under the belt.

But I do look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more. These aren't resolutions, as I don't make resolutions because when I do, my resolutions last about as long as it takes me to say resolution. These are promises and wishes, hopes and dreams.

So, I'll leave you all to have a good day, with a repost of a previous New Years Day thoughts:

The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. I believe that happiness is all we really get in life, and that everything else follows. 

Things don't make us happy, at least not for long. And you can't expect people to make you happy either; you either have it to begin with, and others add to it, or you don't.

If you don't believe that, just look around at all the sad, angry, lonely faces you pass on the street. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and get back. We're responsible for our own happiness, each and all of us; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it.

Without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely. We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead.

I know it's hard to be happy when times are hard. It's near impossible to think that things will get better, but they will; it might not be the better you were thinking it would be, but I have learned that it will get better. 

I have learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop learning and reading and speaking and, well, ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. 

I have learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. 

I have learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and let things happen to you? Stand up and demand the things you want, the happiness you want. Don't settle. 

I have learned, from my Brother the Father, to hold close to family; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 

I have learned, from my Husband ... my Husband ... the Optimist, how to actually let go and be in love and damn the torpedoes; how to be open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you. 

So, I once again realize that I have learned to be happy; I've earned happiness. And I am responsible for it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.

Some day

When we are wiser
When the world's older

When we have learned

I pray

Someday we may yet live

To live and let live

Someday

Life will be fairer

Need will be rarer

Greed will not pay

God speed

This bright millennium

On its way

Let it come

Someday

Someday

Our fight will be won then

We'll stand in the sun then

That bright afternoon

Till then

On days when the sun is gone

We'll hang on

Wish upon the moon

Change will come

There are some days dark and bitter

Seems we haven't got a prayer

But a prayer for someday better

Is the one thing we all share

Someday

Life will be fairer

Need will be rarer

Greed will not pay

God speed

This bright millennium

Let it come

Wish upon the moon

Change will come

One day

Someday

Soon.

Oy! What A Year We Had ...

Lots on my mind as we wind down another year …

I keep thinking about Leelah Alcorn, the transgender girl who killed herself because her parents told her she was wrong, and a sin, and an abomination … and that since God doesn’t make mistakes, she must have been mentally ill to think she as transgender.

Too bad they couldn’t have thought, “God doesn’t makes mistakes so She sent us a transgender child to open our eyes and the eyes of the world.” Maybe then Leelah wouldn’t have walked in front of that truck.

I think about all those LGBTQ kids who felt they could no longer go on this year because of being bullied by friend, fellow students, teachers and their own parents. Think of what any of those kids might have accomplished if we all just learned to accept people for who they are, and not what we think they should be.

My sister died this year … I remember one of the last times I talked with her, about a month or so before she passed. She didn’t seem to know who I was, didn’t even ask about Carlos — which she always did — and just talked about what was on the TV screen she was watching. I realized then that the sister I’d loved my whole life was leaving me. I realized then that things would never be the same.

I still called and still talked and made sure that, even if she didn’t quite understand, the last words she heard from me were, “I love you.”

I also realized then that when she did go, on February 15, she was in a much better place, and didn’t hurt, and had her hair, and was laughing with my Mom. It’s not a God thing, it’s a universe thing.

I’m a happily married man, to another happily married man. 

When I met Carlos I never thought this was a possibility … even after Massachusetts and Iowa … even after California. Then the tide started turning and we started talking about it; we both wanted to be married, we both wanted to have a husband. We wanted that. And then to have my Dad ask to be there, well, that was the icing on the wedding cake, with the added cherry of having marriage equality come to South Carolina … South FREAKING Carolina … after we got back from Washington.

Amazeballs.

We used to shop at Kroger until we learned that Kroger has a ‘Meh’ attitude about Open Carry in their stores; I’d always said that if the day came when I had to ask someone to move their assault weapon so I could get a loaf of bread, it was time to shop elsewhere.

So we did; we went back to Publix — where we shopped when we lived in Miami — and now Publix is in the news. But for a good reason: starting tomorrow, Publix stores will offer full benefits packages to their employees’ same-sex spouses.

Guns. Equality. I choose equality.

Of course, when you factor in that kid who shot his mother with her own gun in a Wal-Mart, Kroger should be prepared for that to happen in one of their stores.

Lotsa coming out parties this year, too, and lots of Coming Out Toaster Ovens and copies of The Gay Agenda—a one page pamphlet, actually, featuring one word: “equability”—being sent out from HOMO HQ.

Michael Martin took his boyfriend to prom and came out at the same time. Daniel Franzese, who played the  'almost to gay to function' in Mean Girls is now openly gay; as is Derrick Gordon, a sophomore starter for the University of Massachusetts men's basketball team; Ty Herndon and Billy Gilman, two country music stars … yes, country music … decided to live their lives as gay men out and proud. 

Nate Alfson, a high school, baseball and volleyball coach for a Catholic high school came out as gay and kept his job!

Chip Sarafin, an offensive lineman for the Arizona State football, came out, as did John Fennell, who represented Canada in the luge at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. 

British singer Sam Smith came out with the release of his debut album, In the Lonely Hour, saying the album “is about a guy that I fell in love with last year, and he didn’t love me back.” Tyler Glenn, the lead singer of Neon Trees and a Mormon, also came out; Mitch Eby, a Junior and defensive end for the Chapman University Football team, too.

Federico Díaz, Uruguayan actor and telenovela heartthrob, is now openly gay, along with high school swimming star, Jack Thorne, and Pete Cahall, principal of Washington DC’s Wilson High School who chose the school’s annual Pride Day event to finally tell his students that he is gay. Adam Joseph, Philadelphia meteorologist for 6ABC, announced the birth of his first child, publicly, acknowledged his partner of five years, Karl, and came out as gay.

Brad Thorson, a former college football player and former player for the Arizona Cardinals and Neal Baer, the executive producer and showrunner for CBS' 'Under the Dome' are out and proud; and after years of speculation, rumor, questions, guesses, dreams, Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe came out as gay.

Kristian Nairn, an actor from Game of Thrones, came out, and so did Democratic Arizona State Senator Steve Gallardo, after listening to the arguments for that Arizona anti-LGBT, so-called religious freedom bill;  Matt Kaplon, student and baseball player for Drew University, came out to his team and the world last weekend after being inspired by the coming out story of NCAA basketball player Derek Schell; Brazilian diver, and Olympic hopeful, Ian Matos came out as gay, saying he was inspired by fellow diver Tom Daley’s coming out.

Djuan Trent, Miss Kentucky 2010, came out as lesbian on the heels of that federal judge ruling that Kentucky must recognize same-sex marriages from other states. Marcus Juhlin, a Swedish football player, is gay; so is actress Ellen Page and retired Premier League footballer Thomas Hitzlsperger.

Callan Chythlook-Sifsof, a U.S. snowboarder who missed the cut for Team USA, has come out as lesbian, and Michael Sam said he was gay, making him the first openly gay professional football player in this country.

We’ll be restocking the shelves with kitchen appliances and pamphlets as soon as possibly, because after last year we made need even more!

Politics. 

You cannot keep Obama down; even after that ridiculous 2104 mid-term election fiasco, he is not gonna  sit idly by and let the Republicans run roughshod over this country and try to turn back the clocks to the 1950s, when The Gays were in closets, and women couldn’t chose and racism was fun.

Gossip. I do so loves me some gossip. Paltrow? Loathe you, but you keep me in stitches with your shenanigans. 

Lohan actually made her stage debut and, while the reviews weren’t great, she wasn’t a major screw up … onstage. Off-stage she’s still Party Hardy Lohan. 

And Justin Bieber … I’ve made fun of your size … I’ve called you a talentless hack and a spoiled brat … I giggled when you wet yourself after getting arrested …, I found you obnoxious and ridiculous and just plain sad … That’s all.

Police shootings. And most of the victims are Black. Please try to tell me there isn’t a double standard when Michael Brown, a Black man, gets gunned down in the streets for allegedly stealing some cigars and Eric Garner, a Black man, gets choked to death for selling loose cigarettes, but Julia Shield, a White woman, strapped on armor and drove around a Chattanooga neighborhood shooting at people and police, and was just arrested. 

Explain to me the difference between John Crawford III, a Black man, holding a BB gun in a Wal-Mart and is shot to death by police, but two white men who go into a Wal-Mart, take BB guns off the shelves, load them and then start shooting are simply arrested.

There should be no difference, yet because there seems to be one, we have a lot to talk about in 2015.

It’s been a year of ups and downs, and highs and lows, but, for me, the ups and the highs outweigh the rest. I’m still here, still loved and in love, still Dad to some weird wild wacky pets. Still living in Small-town South Carolina. Okay … that might be a down.

I kid.

Tomorrow, we are off to the Round-The-Way-Gays, Neal and David’s, New Years Day, Newlyweds — three couples in our little group got married last year — and Not-So-Newly-Born Party. It’ll start 2015 just right!