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Good News: Michael Martin Comes Out

There are all kinds of ways to ‘Come Out;’ one of my personal favorites is the way comedian bob Smith described how he decided to come out in his book, the high-larious, Openly Bob. He wanted to do it in one fell swoop, letting the entire family know he was gay, so one Thanksgiving he returned home and during dinner said, “Can someone please pass the potatoes to the homosexual?”

Problem solved. Of course, that was his comic take on Coming Out, but it is just another way to do it. Some people write letters; some just blurt it out. Some show up at a homecoming dance with their boyfriend, which is how Michael Martin, an all-state high school soccer goalie in West Virginia, did it: slow dancing with the homecoming king at a high school dance.

Michael, an 18-year-old senior at Musselman High School realized it would be near impossible to come out in rural West Virginia and it took him a long time to figure it out, but when he did it, he did for all to see, by attending the homecoming dance with Jem at Jem’s school. They started the dance with their female friends who were their "dates" but when the last song came on Michael and Jem danced with one another. Big sigh, I imagine. And then two weeks later they repeated the dance at Michael’s school where the two young men once again danced all night.

And that was that; out.  

“When I started to talk with Jem I was comfortable with myself and wasn't ashamed like I was in years past. For me to be happy, though, I needed to come out. I didn't want to hide how I really was any more. I didn't want to live every day with a secret hanging over my head. I told my team before my own parents. My family was not accepting at first but is starting to come around and support me. I just had to keep telling them that I can't change who I am and that I am the same teenager that I was before.”

So, enjoy the dance Michael, it only gets better from here on in, because now you’re you, and not some secret, shameful version. You are just another soccer player, just another young man, who happens to be gay.

“I have learned that being gay does not mean you are a lesser of a human being. If I can come out in a small town in West Virginia and be accepted, and dance with the homecoming king, it shows things are changing. I hope my performances and story help inspire other gay teens to show their true colors and not be afraid to play the sport they love.”

And now you can dance with whomever you want, so Welcome Out. And as our gift to you, we here at HOMO HQ would like to send you the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out.

OutSports

Photo by Jeremiah Carver

Children ... There Is Hope In Children

A teacher in England, who just happens to be gay, was speaking to his class as a part of the school’s anti-bullying week, and asked his students if any of them had ever heard the word ‘gay’ used as an insult.

Nearly every student raised their hand.

Then he asked who thought that people who were gay or lesbian were bad or wrong in some way.

Again almost every hand went up.

He spoke to the head of the school, and they both agreed that he could, and should, tell his class that he was gay so that they all knew at least one gay person and then begin to stop using that word, and ask others to stop, because when they did they were talking about their teacher.

His students’ reaction was as expected: some gasps, some shocked looks, some questions — Do you have a boyfriend — and then it was over and back to business as usual.

Then he got “the” letter from one of his students, a nine-year old girl:

Dear Mr R

Even though you’re gay, I will always treat you the same way as I do now. I still think about you the same way as I used to. You’re a great teacher and these are just some of the word’s that I would describe you as: great, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, awesome and brave.

The reason why I say brave is because you shared a personal secret which was very brave.

You don’t have to feel scared because I know that everyone in the class feels the same way as I do.

From A x x

He read it, and then wiped the tears from his eyes and thanked her for it. She said something that one of the boys in class had said during the anti-bullying lesson before going back to her seat:

‘It’s just your life.’

Children. There is hope in the children.

via Pink News

Out Of Grief, Comes Hope

Matthew Ogston and Nazim [Naz] Mahmood were a couple, and, in fact were engaged to be married. But Naz needed to do one thing before the wedding: come out to his Muslim mother.

So he met with her, and told her he was happy, that he was in love, that he’d met someone and was to be married; then he told he was gay. Naz’ mother told him he needed to seek a cure, and a few days later he swallowed a handful of pulls and leapt to his death from the balcony of his home.

Now, his fiancé, Matthew, could have blamed the mother for her words; he could have sent his time wallowing in self-pity, grieving constantly about the man he loved who is no longer there, but he had a different plan.

He has created the Naz and Matt Foundation, a group that will support LGBT people struggling with religion and their sexuality.

“With the Naz and Matt Foundation, I’d like to continue that, to provide a support network and place to go for individuals struggling with their sexuality, and trying to come out. It’s one of the hardest things for people from religious backgrounds to overcome if they aren’t going to find acceptance in their community. The Naz and Matt Foundation is not particularly aimed at any religion. It’s aimed at communities that are very closed in their perception. There’s a lack of understanding.” — Matthew Ogston

Ogston has plans to engage with LGBT people, their family and friends in religious communities – and is even planning to release an illustrated children’s book that advocates a tolerant, accepting message.

Ogston recalls one of the last conversations he had with Naz, after Naz had come out to his mother:

“[Naz] asked ‘why do I need to find a cure, there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just a good person trying to live a good life.’”

Too bad his mother, and her faith, couldn’t see that in her own son, but good that, out of Matthew’s grief, he has created a way for others struggling with their sexual orientation, their family, and their faith, have a place to go for answers, for help, for tolerance, for acceptance.

For family.

via Pink News

PFOX: Liars and Asshats

Gay? Are we born that way, or do we choose it?

Well, PFOX [Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays] an anti-gay organization that wants y’all to believe that The Gays chose The Gay is trying real hard again to make their point. This time they’ve erected a billboard along I-95 in Virginia to share their, um, Christmas message:

"Identical twins: One gay, one not. Nobody is born gay."

So says one Regina Griggs, Executive Director of PFOX, who adds:

"Identical twins have the same genes or DNA. If homosexuality is caused by genetics or prenatal conditions and one twin is gay, the co-twin should also be gay…Because identical twins are always genetically identical, homosexuality cannot be genetically dictated. No one is born gay."

Hmmm, that makes sense, you know, until you actually read up on the science of genetics and identical twins, as was done by Scientific American in 2008, where they learned that identical twins are rarely completely the same, such as not having the same fingerprints or even the same IQ levels. Now, if there is some genetic marker that makes one twin gay, maybe that other twin, no matter how identical, wasn’t lucky enough to get it.

And the good folks at PFOX have some IQ issues all their own, or at least some ethical issues, because, you see, the twins in the picture are not twins. It’s two pictures of the same young man, Kyle Roux, a South African model who is not a twin, but is most definitely gay, and wants PFOX to know that:.

"It just seems like there no place in today's world for an organization that is promoting this as being some kind of deviant or distasteful lifestyle, because I've lived my life openly gay and happy for my entire life. It's actually quite a big thing that there is this kind of discrimination and borderline hate speech going on, you know.” — Kyle Roux

Let me make this queer to all those anti-gay hate groups: if you believe in your rubbish, all well and good, if that’s how you choose to live your life. But don’t make up lies and put ‘em on a sign for all the world to see. It makes you look stupid and hateful and just plain pathetic.

Why would you choose that?

via NCRM

Ty Herndon Comes Out ... Then Billy Gilman Does, Too

After nearly two decades in country music and after nearly twenty years of speculation over his sexual orientation, Ty Herndon has come out as gay:

"I have an awesome relationship that I've been in for a good number of years. I] love him very much and he loves me."

Herndon was married twice in the past and revealed that both is ex-wives knew he was gay when they married him; sounds like marriages of convenience to stave off the rumors of his homosexuality.

"I had a lot of people around me that I trusted at a time and I was like, 'Hey, you know this about me but the world doesn't. So I'm gonna need to call on your services for a little while.' It was unfortunate that I had to do that, but I felt that's what I had to do to have my career. Standing on some pretty solid legs today, so I get to tell my truth today."

Truth. That’s what it means; being able to be yourself, love yourself, and let everyone know exactly who you are, damn the torpedoes.

"I've dreamed about being in country music since I was 6 years old. It's my life, it’s what I do, it's who I am, and I went to great lengths to cover up that fact to be to be a country star."

Rumors began circulating about Herndon's sexuality back in 1995, when an undercover male police officer alleged that Herndon exposed himself in a park where he’d gone to buy crystal meth:

"I wish I had really great recall or memory about that. I think I had been up for like 6 days doing drugs the night and the day was really a huge blur for me."

Now fully clean and sober, Herndon is looking forward to a future with Matt, his partner of five years.

Happiness, truthfulness; it’s all in those two words: I‘m gay.

And then, hours later, it happened again …

On the heels of Ty Herndon’s coming out, fellow country music performer Billy Gilman announced that he, too, is gay.

He had his Coming Out on YouTube, and during the five-and-a-half-minute long video, Gilman credited his friend Ty Herndon for making his road a little easier to follow. But, at the same time, he talked about the mere rumor that he might be gay hurt his career, and likely cost him a record deal:

“I threw a showcase in Nashville, and no major label showed. … It’s difficult for me to make this video, not because I’m ashamed of being a gay male artist, or a gay artist or a gay person, but it’s pretty silly to know that I’m ashamed of doing this knowing that I’m in a genre and an industry that’s ashamed of me for being me.”

Several months ago, a reporter took a picture of Gilman and his partner. He says at that moment he knew what he needed to do.

“It was in that moment that I knew that I’d rather it be from me, than you reading it from somewhere else. I can honestly say I’m scared to death.”

Scared, sure, because you never know what the future holds for you, especially in the country music arena.

I mean, look at it: it appears that Ty Herndon was encouraged to get married twice to maintain a heterosexual image; it seems that just the rumor that Billy Gilman was gay stopped him from signing with a major Nashville record label even though he’d been a very popular child star in country music.

And then there’s Chely Wright.

In the late 90's, after years of singing in Nashville, Chely Wright had her first Number One country hit, "Single White Female".  She followed that up with three other top 10 hits and sold over a million singles in the United States. She made her first appearance at the Grand Ole Opry on September 16th, 1989 and made many subsequent appearances, especially after having that Number One. But, since coming out as gay in 2010, Chely Wright she has not once been invited back to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, even though she was considered a regular, pre-2010.

The good news is, that may be changing, slowly. Ty Herndon notes that he’s seeing increased support for gay country singers, and the LGBT community in Nashville and Country Music:

"Traditionally in country music, we don't see a lot of support for the LGBT community, but that's changing so much. Nashville is changing so much. I mean my goodness… Kacey Musgraves won Song of the Year for [the lyrics] 'follow your arrow, wherever it points' and two amazing songwriters that happened to be gay wrote that song."

So, maybe there is hope that gay country artists can record music, can be openly gay, and can be invited back to the Grand Ole Opry.

Failing that, at least allow the good folks at Homo HQ to offer a big “Howdy” and a “Welcome Out” to Ty and Billy, and to make sure they receive the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out, boys, welcome out.

Ty Herndon

Billy Gilman

Is Gay A Choice? Did 'God' Make A Mistake?

When Michael Sam, hoping to join the NFL, came out as gay, a lot of professional football players went into overtly homophobic mode, talking about sharing showers with an openly gay player and how uncomfortable that might be, because, you know, gay men are predators and in the safety of an NFL locker-room shower, well, who knows what we might do. I was disgusted by this display of ignorance and narrow-mindedness, and then Deion Sanders, a former Dallas Cowboy, spoke up, saying:

“I don’t condone or condemn, but I’m going to love him. He’s not the first gay guy in the NFL. He’s the first one to come out. Let’s get that straight.”

While I appreciated Sanders saying that he had played with many gay teammates over the years and never had an issue, let me also say that gay people do not need our lives to be condoned by anyone. But, I thought Sanders could spark an intelligent dialogue that took people’s minds out of the showers and into the realm of what being gay is: just another sexual orientation. And then Sanders gave another interview, this time with Larry King, in which he says a little more about homosexuality, and God, and what he thinks about it all, and it ain’t pretty.

He talked about Michael Sam and homosexuality, and reaching out to Sam to offer his support; he talked about his gay cousin, whom he's known was gay since they were kids. But then he threw religion into the mix and, well, he has an entirely different view than the openness and acceptance he’s shown before. Larry King asked about Michael Sam, and Sanders replied:

“I'm not saying I condone it, but I don't condemn it. I don't love what he do but I love him as a man. And I just wanted him to understand the burden and the weight he's carrying.”

When you say, in your form of English, “I don’t love what he do” that is a condemnation; that is saying that, by being gay, you find him unacceptable; you said you didn’t condemn Sam for being gay and then you turned right around and condemned him for it.

And why, Deion, do you think Michael Sam, or any LGBTQ person on the planet needs you to condone our lives? Condone means “to accept and allow (behavior that is considered morally wrong or offensive) to continue” but we don’t need you to “condone” our behavior, our lives, our love, just as you don’t need for us to condone your sexual orientation. To say you neither condone nor condemn anyone for being gay sounds suspiciously like a judgment, and we all know what the Bible says about that.

Well, King wasn’t through with that line of questioning, and next he asked Sanders if he thought being gay was a choice. Sanders said, “It could be,” and when King asked who would choose to be gay, Sanders replied, “Who wouldn't?” and then added, 

“Well, we can get into saying God did this and God did that. The God I know don't make mistakes.”

So Deion Sanders thinks that homosexuality is a choice that everyone would choose — and that sounds like an odd statement in and of itself, as though he’s saying everyone should be gay — but the part that annoyed me most of all was the part about gay being a choice is because his God “doesn't make mistakes.“

Okay, so your God, whomever She may be, doesn’t make mistakes; maybe that means being gay is not a mistake? Maybe that means God make gay folks and straight folks to see how we’d all get along. And, Deion, with your answers about gay and not condoning or condemning it — while doing exactly that — I wonder if your God doesn’t think she made a mistake with you? If you believe in God and believe that god doesn’t make mistakes, and believe that God made us all, then none of us are a mistake; we are as God made us.

But let’s think about “choice,” and how Deion thinks we chose to be gay.

I would assume that means everyone got the choice to go Gay or to go Straight, and yet I haven’t heard one single straight person tell their story of trying to be gay and then deciding it wasn’t for them, so they switched directions. I haven’t heard a single straight person make that choice, and yet, for some reason, you think I did make the choice  take Option Gay?

I do think, sadly, that many gay people have chosen to be straight, or at least to live their lives as straight people, out of fear of being disowned by their families, unloved by their parents, ignored by their friends, but I don’t think a single straight person has chosen to be gay.

I know I didn’t; I know I was born gay. I mean, why would I “choose” to be gay when choosing to be straight would be so much easier? Had I chosen heterosexuality I could take any job, anywhere and not be fired for being straight; I could live anywhere I want and not be denied housing for being hetero. It would be so much easier, and yet you think I chose this more difficult path?

I chose to take the chance that, like Matthew Shepard, I could be beaten and left for dead, tied to a fence in Wyoming? I chose to take that risk?

I chose to live my live wondering if that, by just walking down the street, like Candice Rose, a transgender woman, I could be beaten by three men, and left on the street with a broken jaw and head injuries. I would choose that?

I would choose to be perceived to be gay so that, again, just by being out in public, Kathryn Knott, Kevin Harrigan and Philip Williams could verbally assault and physically attack me? Who would choose that?

And what young person, growing up and reading about these attacks, and all the other attacks, on LGBTQ people, would choose to be gay? Wouldn’t it be easier to be straight, and to be able to work where you want, live where you want, walk down any street that you want, without fear of being harassed and beaten and fired and evicted?

And what about all those suicides of LGBTQ youth? Taunted and teased and harassed and shoved and pushed and hit and kicked and beaten until they feel their only choice to stop it all is to take their own loves? Why wouldn’t they make that other choice and choose to be straight? It might save their lives, right?

But we don’t choose to be gay any more that anyone chooses to be straight. We were born gay, as you were born straight, and we just want what everyone else wants, and what most straight people take for granted: that we can live our lives and love who we love without fear of attack.

I didn’t choose to be gay, I am gay. What I choose is to live a life where I am not victimized or marginalized or condoned or condemned. 

In Italy, A Teacher Is Fired For Refusing To Deny She Is Gay

Yesterday I posted about Jim Gaylord, the Tacoma, Washington school teacher who was fired from his job because he was gay. Now, to be fair, that was in 1972, and times have changed, you know … or have they?

A teacher, who only gave her name as ‘Silvia,’ was fired from her teaching position at Sacro Cuore, a Catholic school in Italy, for being gay … or for not being gay ... or maybe because she just refused to answer.

The school, saying it needed to “protect the school environment” fired ‘Silvia’ simply for refusing to confirm or deny the rumor that she is a lesbian.

“What happened to me is medieval. Maybe I’m a lesbian, maybe I’m not. But asking me about my sexual orientation as a condition for renewing my contract is unacceptable.”

But, she was given an option, saying that Sister Eugenia Libratore, the headmistress and Mother Superior, told her that the school would turn a blind eye to the rumors if Silvia was willing to “solve the problem” of maybe being gay.

Libratore confirmed to local media that she chose not to renew ‘Silvia’s’ contract, even though she’d worked at the school for five years, after hearing gossip that she was a lesbian, even though Italy has laws in place prohibiting anti-LGBT discrimination in the workplace.

Stefania Giannini, Italy’s education minister, is said to be investigating the matter and will “act with due severity” if the allegations were found to be true.

You think times change, you think people change, but just yesterday we learned of a teacher being fired ion 1972 for admitting to being gay, and here in 2014 we learn of another educator who was fired because she wouldn’t admit to being gay.

One step forward is still a few steps behind.

via Pink News

Jim Gaylord Finally Gets An Apology

In 1972, Jim Gaylord was teaching social studies at Tacoma’s Wilson High School. He was 35 years old, popular with the students and his co-workers, and a confirmed bachelor, which was what most people called gay men in those early post-Stonewall days.

Jim knew he was gay — he’d known since he was quite young — but it wasn’t until the early 70s that he came out to himself and began seeking out other gay men for friendship and companionship, being very careful to keep his private life private; even his colleagues had no idea he was gay.

One day, though, one of his students, who knew a gay adult friend of Gaylord’s, came to talk with Jim about his own attraction to other boys. It was a brief conversation, at best, and Jim barely recalled much of it, but a time later that young boy tried to take his own life.

He survived, but while being interviewed by the police the boy said he’d spoken to Jim Gaylord because he assumed he was gay. What happened next was, and is, shocking.

The police took that information to the vice principal of the high school, who came to Jim’s house one night and asked him point blank if he was a “homosexual.” Jim decided then and there that he was tired of lying by omission and said it was true, he was gay.

A few weeks later he received a letter of termination; it said, in part:

“The specific probable cause for your discharge is that you have admitted occupying a public status that is incompatible with the conduct required of teachers in this district. Specifically, that you have admitted being a publicly known homosexual.”

Jim Gaylord, now 76, never taught school again.

But Jim fought back; openly gay — even to his parents who hadn’t known their son was gay until he was fired — Jim, who’d always taught his students about civil rights and equality and standing up for one’s self, was not going to just quietly sit back and do nothing.

He was jobless, with a mortgage to pay and no income, but thankfully his local teacher’s union stood behind him, even hiring him as their office manager so he would have an income and support.

So Jim appealed the termination to the school board, whose five-member panel had met in secret to fire him but, at his hearing only three showed up; it was still enough to let his termination for being gay stand.

But Jim wasn’t done, and he decided he would sue the school board for wrongful termination. And while many of Jim’s fellow teachers and more than a few students testified on his behalf — and just as many testified against him — a judge ruled in favor of the school district, saying that, in effect, being gay was immoral and the district was within its rights to fire Gaylord.

Jim then appealed his case to the Washington state Supreme Court where, in 1977, five years after being fired, that court ruled that a school board can discharge a teacher if it feels the teacher’s ability to do the job is impaired, and they felt that the complaints about Jim being gay did, in fact, impair his ability to do his job; ironically, though, the complaints about Jim being gay came out after he was fired.

Jim still refused to surrender and appealed his case to the US Supreme Court, who declined to hear his case at all. He would never get his job back. What he did get, though, some forty-two years after being fired, was quite unexpected, and yet quite welcome.

Another young gay man wanted to talk to Jim Gaylord, though this young man came to Jim to talk about being fired for being gay as part of an Oasis — Tacoma’s support and resource center for LGBT youth — oral history project.

Seth Kirby, the executive director of Oasis, was unaware of Gaylord’s story, but began wondering if the Tacoma school district would consider an apology to Gaylord? After placing a number of calls, climbing the ladder of succession, Kirby finally spoke with Kurt Miller, the Tacoma School Board president, who said an apology to Jim Gaylord was long overdue.

And when Oasis presented its oral histories project — including Jim Gaylord’s story — during its annual fundraiser, Proud Outloud, Kurt Miller formally apologized; Miller also spoke about the differences in Tacoma’s public schools from those old days when Jim Gaylord taught, noting that the school board recently passed a nondiscrimination and equity policy for students that deals with gender identity and sexual orientation; and the district has the same policy for its employees.

Jim Gaylord, who still lives in that Tacoma house where the vice principal knocked forty-two years ago, is a retired librarian — a job he took when his case when unheard by SCOTUS — and says he’s happy with the apology, even though he never asked for it.

“It helps put a relatively pleasant end on an unpleasant situation.”

And an end to an unpleasant time in this country where it was commonplace for gay men and women — especially those in education — to be fired simply for being gay, a condition that still exists in many parts of this country to this day.

And while the apology may seem a little too late, it does offer proof that the times have changed, and are changing. Jim Gaylord never taught again, but he stood up for himself, as a gay man, and stood up for an entire community. He may not have won his case, but he fought for himself as a gay man and that’s a lesson that keeps on giving.

If Jim Gaylord could stand up for us in 1972, then we can keep standing up for all of us in the LGBTQ community in 2014, and beyond.

source

Michael Sam Receives the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

Michael Sam, the NFLs first openly gay player, and a St. Louis Ram, received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at last nights ESPYs. I was looking to include some of it in this morning’s I Didn’t Say it … but it was impossible to pick one quote.

So here’s the whole thing, and it’s amazing ….

The Arthur Ashe Courage Award is a big honor. Much bigger than just me. This year I've had a lot of experience being part of something bigger than myself. At times, I've felt like I've been living in a massive storm, without knowing when the storm will end. I'm here tonight to tell you the lessons I learned about love, respect, being true to yourself will never leave me.

"The late, great Arthur Ashe wasn't just courageous. He was brilliant, too. In fact, he once put all the wisdom in the world in three short sentences: 'Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.' Those are words to live by, whether you're black or white, young or old, straight or gay. So let me tell you why these words mean so much to me, like this award does.

First, start where you are. Like a lot of us, I didn't start on top. That only drove me to get somewhere better. I was lucky to have great father figures like Ronnie Purl, my mentor and best friend. And great coaches like Gary Pinkel and Craig Smith, who knew my story and did everything possible to give it a better ending.

Next, use what you have. What I have is the privilege to play a game that I love with all my heart. Football raised me. Football taught me about hard work, about discipline and about teamwork. But whatever passion or talent you have, follow it. I followed mine, and it got me all the way to this stage tonight, so I can look out and see so many of my heroes looking back at me.

Finally, Arthur Ashe said, 'Do what you can.' Those have been very meaningful words to me. The way I see it, my responsibility at this moment in history is to stand up for everybody out there who wants nothing more than to be themselves openly. Recently, a friend asked me to talk to his sister, a young woman who was considering killing herself rather than accepting and sharing with her loved ones the fact that she's gay. When we spoke, she told me she would never consider hurting herself and that somehow my example helped her. It's amazing to think that, by just doing what we can, we can all touch, change and even save lives.

I want to take a moment to just thank some of my friends who have helped me. Cameron Weiss and Joe Barkett, young guys who took a chance on me, just like I took a chance on them. And Ken Sunshine. Ronnie and Candy Purl, who have done so much to help me get here. My entire Mizzou family for all the support you've given me. You will always be home. And to the Rams organiztion -- Stan Kroenke, Les Snead, Fisher and my teammates. To my mother, a single mother who somehow raised eight kids, I love you dearly.

Last but not least, Vito. People tell me that I'm their inspiration. You are my inspiration.

Standing here tonight looking out at all these legends who have already achieved so much is one of the thrills of my life. I promise to spend the rest of my life trying my best to live up to this honor and become the best football player I can.

And finally, to anyone out there -- especially young people -- feeling like they don't fit in and will never be accepted, please know this: great things can happen when you have the courage to be yourself.

Thank you and God bless.

Neal Baer Comes Out

Neal Baer may not be a household name to many, but his work is quite well-known. He is currently the Executive producer and showrunner, CBS' 'Under the Dome', but he has also written for TV shows like ER, China Beach and Law & Order: SVU.

He's also, in his fifties, and has just come out as gay and so, naturally, will be the recipient of the Coming Out Toaster Oven and copy of the Gay Agenda. But first, here's his story, in his own words, from the HuffPost Gay Voices:

I'm gay. There, I said it, and it only took five decades.

When I told my son Caleb, who's in college, 10 months ago, he asked, "It took you this long to figure it out?"

"No," I said. "It took me this long to say it."

"Oh," he replied. "Where do you want to go for dinner?"

I was relieved and thrilled by his open acceptance. And I think that reflects his generation, one that doesn't define sexuality as good or bad but as something that justis. Of course, it's still not easy for all young LGBTQ youth to come out, but it's better now than it was when I was growing up in Denver, when I thought being gay meant a lifetime of sadness, something to be dreadfully fearful of. Our band teacher was gay, and I remember feeling sorry for him, thinking that his life could only be one of dire loneliness and pain.

Those dark messages I picked up from the culture, from my friends, and from the media made me hate myself for many years. They made me fear that if anyone found out who I really was, I'd be doomed; I wouldn't have a family; I wouldn't have a job; I wouldn't have friends. When I finally came out, because of stories like the ones I've recounted just now, I was relieved. No, it was more than relief: It was an ineluctable freedom and joy. I can say to you that I'm glad I'm gay, that I love being gay. I love being who I am.

But a year ago I never would have imagined that I'd be saying those words.

For me, being gay means being honest and -- I know the word is almost cliché today -- being authentic. You see, when you're in the closet, your life is based on shame and lies. You tell tales about yourself that kill you a little bit every day.

Now, telling tales has been my forte, too. Maybe being gay made me a storyteller because I fantasized so much about being straight from a very early age. I loved romantic films and lost myself in them when I was young, because they represented what I longed for -- to be loved -- and what I wanted to be: straight. Then I started writing for television, and I didn't realize it, but who I really was seeped into stories on ER and SVU. I wrote about the struggles and accomplishments of gay youth, destigmatizing HIV/AIDS, whether transgender youth should be allowed to take hormone blockers, bullying, the pain of being on the down low (I really know about that one), AIDS deniers. Those stories were preparing me to come out.

I was the gay-friendliest writer in television, a gay editor told me. But that's because I had so much support. I'm so grateful to all the writers and directors and actors I've worked with who made these stories authentic. Thank you, Anthony Edwards, for the powerful, unforgettable work you did on ER dealing with the first HIV-positive character on primetime television. Thank you, BD Wong, for playing a gay psychiatrist on SVU with passion and integrity.

I know the power that stories can have in changing our hearts and minds. And I'm truly grateful for having had the chance to tell so many stories close to my own heart and soul. Being authentic isn't easy, especially when you've tap-danced your way through life avoiding who you really are. Stories make the difference. Adam Chandler's New York Times op-ed "The Best Little Boy in the World -- That's Me" is the story that "flipped the switch" for me. 

He writes, based on the work of Andrew Tobias, that closeted gay men who achieve at all costs do so to divert attention away from who they really are. "See what I do, not who I am." But achingly, those achievements are never enough, because they can never fill the hole in one's soul when one is not honest with oneself. So I thank Adam for his story, which changed my life. I read his op-ed on May 6, 2013, and said aloud for the first time in my life, "I am gay." The roof didn't cave in; the floor didn't give way; the walls didn't crash down. But my life changed momentously.

This is a wonderful and terrifying and exhilarating and challenging journey. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And journeys are not possible without friends and family who are guiding stars or touchstones or way stations. My wife Gerrie has been tirelessly understanding and loving throughout this sometimes-stormy time, and my son Caleb a never-ending fount of support.

Everyone should have the right to live with dignity, respect and safety.