A Golden Stream ... of Consciousness

I love Amy Poehler and Tina Fey … they keep it funny, and smart, and snarky … and sadly this is their last year unless the GGs cough up a boatload of cash for them to come back … I’ve started a GoFundMe page to add my own far-more-than-two-cents … Jennifer Aniston coming up the stairs to meet Benedict Cumberbatch shows almost all of the fine china as she climbs the stairs to present ... 

... Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture … to JK Simmons from Whiplash … he’s been around for years and has been in everything, but this is his first GG nom and win … pretty cool … Not cool are the next presenters, Fifty Shades of Grey co-stars, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, who prove on the stage that they have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever … to present ... 

... Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie to … Joanne Froggatt … Missus Bates wins a Globe! … Froggatt gives a lovely speech about playing a rape victim, and giving voice to those women who might have otherwise stayed silent … plus … Missus Bates won a Globe! … I’m a Downton queen, dontcha know …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a Lifetime Achievement award …

Jennifer Lopez, wearing a blanket presents with the not-closeted-not-gay Jeremy Renner … Best Series, Mini-series or TV Movie … to Fargo … I’ve tried to watch it but it’s like watching paint dry … painted in a color you hate … and on something you didn’t want to paint … JLo, or as Carlos calls her, Jell-O, and Renner present another award, but first they hand of the Jeremy Renner is a Pig Award to … Jeremy Renner for using his time in front of millions to talk about JLo’s “globes” … Lovely way to speak to a woman you don’t know on national TV and prove to us all you’re a dick … 

... Best Actor in a Series, Mini-series or TV Movie … Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo, who gave a speech about how he wasn’t going to talk … or something … Siddown Billy, you haven’t been relevant since La Jolie … Naomi Watts in high-wattage yellow presents Birdman

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby …

… and then Tina and Amy introduce a North Korean General, and journalist, Cho Yung Ja — AKA Margaret Cho — for an unfunny bit about North Korea that wasted both Meryl Streep and Michael Keaton … To bring back a little class, Hollywood Foreign Press Association president, Theo Kingma, gives a speech about films and freedom of speech … North Korea and Je suis Charlie  … Colin Firth steps out to introduce The Imitation Game and takes a moment to honor Alan Turing, who was criminalized for being gay and yet marginalized for being a hero … Kerry Washington and Bryan Cranston are up to present ... 

… Best Actress in a TV Series … Jane The Virgin’s Gina Rodriguez, who gives a lovely speech about being taught by her parents to dream big … Look out for Gina, she’s looking like the next big thing … Kerry and Bryan also present Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical … Amazon’s Transparent, whose creator dedicates the award to trans people like Leelah Alcorn, who take their own lives because they don’t feel accepted …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror … not the worst review the movie got …

Melissa McCarthy comes out looking …. And I said it earlier … very cool and cute … to present St. Vincent … followed by Sienna Miller and Vince Vaughan … who has a bigger forehead than Tyra Banks … never thought that possible … Best Original Score in a Movie … The Theory of Everything’s Jóhann Jóhannsson … then Prince strolls out in one of Judy’s old stage costumes, and a bad wig, to the shrieks of the audience who have suddenly become fangirls, to present ... 

... Best Original Song ... “Glory” from Selma … Common accepts with John Legend and gives a most eloquent speech: "I am the hopeful black woman who was denied her right to vote. I am the caring white supporter killed on the frontlines of freedom. I am the unarmed black kid who maybe needed a hand, but instead was given a bullet. I am the two police officers murdered in the line of duty. 'Selma' has awakened my humanity." … didn’t hurt that he was hot … 

... but the moment was almost stolen when the camera lingered on Oprah, who set down the chicken long enough to bite her lip, pretend to cry and check to see if the cameraman got her biting her lip and pretending to cry …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … Boyhood proves there are still great roles for women over forty, provided you get hired for the role when you’re under forty…

… Katie Holmes and Seth Meyers are next and I keep wondering what is wrong with Katie’s face … everything is lopsided and the makeup is so heavy that she just looks pissed off … even when joking about how the Globes’ losers get a coupon for a Free Breakfast at the Beverly Hilton …

... Best Supporting Actor, TV Series, Mini-series or Movie … Matt Bomer … Katie further inspires my ire when she calls him Matt Bommer … but My-Husband-In-My-Head kisses some guy … he says he’s his husband … whatever … and gives a lovely speech where he thanks his husband … though he calls me by a different name … go figure and three children … plus, he’s so beautiful why doing it all … Clive Own appears to present The Theory of Everything … he’s sweating like the proverbial pig and that’s when I realize everyone on the crowd is glistening … I learned the next day that the AC was in and out … Movie star sweat still smells like poor people sweat so that must have been one musky room …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … Who would you rather … Colin Farrell or Colin Firth … Farrell all day and Firth for a polite amount of time … Ed Norton or Mark Ruffalo … I’d go with mark because everyone knows I like it Ruffalo … Chris Pine or … Chris Pine! …

… and then we get Ricky Gervais … still holding a drink like he always does … still telling jokes about the over-privileged people of Hollywood like he always does … don’t ask him to host, HFPA, please ...

… Best Actress in a  Movie Comedy … Amy Adams, who is so stunned she won that she gives a speech that seems to imply she’s hired a surrogate to carry twins for her which is so not true … I’m guessing Amy was wishing she could have a do-over as soon as she left the stage … Salma Hayek and Tiny Man Kevin Hart … Hart is the King of Misogyny because he asks the audience to applaud because Salma looks good … and then he hijacks the entire segment with his, what passes for, comedy … He needs to sit down, in a booster seat preferably … Best Animated Feature … How To Train Your Dragon 2 … Kate Hudson and her Boobs … and, yes, her rockin’ body, present Into The Woods … then we have Jared Leto in an awful suit, an awful beard, a cool braid, and a moment to show support for Freedom of Speech … Je Suis Charlie ... 

… Best supporting Actress in a Movie … Patricia Arquette who actually pulled out a sheet of binder paper to read from … Oy …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK:  … The Theory of Everything … crippling nerve disease and complicated math …

… Tina and Amy and Cho Yung Ja return to the stage and they are still not funny … Luckily Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader come out to present ... 

... Best Screenplay … and crack one another, and the audience , up, with their take on movie lines … the award, though, went to Birdman scribes Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone and Alexander Dinelaris … I was taken by Giacobone and his fabulous hair though … Jack Black steps out to introduce Boyhood and beg for a job from Boyhood director … and cutie patootie … Richard Linklater … Lily Tomlin … just married on NYE … and Jane Fonda present ... 

... Best Actor in TV Series, Comedy or Musical … to Jeffrey Tambor of Transparent … followed by Lupita Nyong’o and Colin Farrell … rockin’ the porn ‘stache and lookin’ hot … him, not her … Best Foreign Language Film  … Leviathan … and then Kate Beckinsale and Adrien Brody … who is odd looking and oddly hot to me ...

… Best Actress in a Series, Mini-series or TV Movie … Maggie Gyllenhaal … The Honorable Woman … would have been more honorable to let her hot brother accept the ward … just sayin’ … Paul Rudd … cute and hot ,,, and Adam Levine … not and not … Best TV Drama … The Affair … which I liked once I got into it and past some 0 f the moroseness of it all … Catherine Zeta Jones comes out with a bad case of the ‘Bo to resent Pride … but I keep wondering what happened to her face … no pride at all …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … In Foxcatcher, Steve Carell plays a paranoid, murderous billionaire … the role was a stretch for Carell, who, in real life, is a paranoid murderous millionaire …

… followed by Hollywood pariah Katherine Heigl and David Duchovny … she makes a lame joke about these five male characters being on a dating site and which one she would date … the joke goes flatter than her career ... one State of Affairs is canceled ...

... Best Actor TV Series Drama … Kevin Spacey for House of Cards who co-opts Cher’s ‘I’m not someone but I’m on my way’ Oscar speech with his riff about wanting to do ‘better’ … I guess by 'better' he meant bring an actual date, and a female who isn't his mother, to an wards show ... just sayin' ... Julianna Margulies and Don Cheadle step out to present the ... 

... Cecille B. de Mille Lifetime Achievement Award winner, Mr. Amal Alamuddin Clooney, and riff of which one if his better friend … She: Have you ever toured a disaster area with him? … He: Yes, I visited the set of ‘Monuments Men.’ … Ouch … Clooney gives a nice speech about movies and how no one is a loser because by being actors they’ve already grabbed the Brass Ring, but saves the best part for saying to his wife, It’s a humbling thing to find someone to love … Owen Wilson presents The Grand Budapest Hotel …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK: … In Into The Woods, Meryl Streep plays a witch who sends the townspeople on a magical quest to help her win another Golden Globe …

… Harrison Ford … Carlos was freaked out that he looked so old and not at all like he did when he played Han Solo nearly forty years ago ...

… Best Director Movie … Richard Linklater … and now I have a crush on that totes adorbs man … plus he just seemed so down-to-earth and humble ... though I might have to get him to work on his hair a bit ... Anna Faris and Chris Pratt do a comedy bit about being a mixed couple … She’s CBS … He’s NBC … they’ll raise their kids HBO … cute ...

… Best Actress TV Series Drama … Ruth Wilson The Affair … she really was quite brilliant in that show ... plus she scores major bonus points for talking about the beauty of Dominic West’s ass … I've seen it, though not as up close and personal as she, and I concur … Amy Adams is back and I’m hoping she’s not going to give us a newly edited version of her speech …

... Best Actor Motion Picture Comedy … Michael Keaton … he gave a great speech about where he's from and how he made it to Hollywood, but then he choked up talking about his best friend ... his son … I was getting all cynical about it ... I hate to see people sob when they win something ... until the cameras lingered on said son ... 

... Sean ... Hot Hot Hot … Oprah waddles out to present Selma and thankfully kept her yammering ... and her phony tears ... short …  because next up was Channing Tatum … a prime piece of beefcake .. to present Foxcatcher … ... Sidenote: Channing's ass makes an appearance in the film ... then Robert Downey Jr … looking like he just doesn’t care to be there and I'm getting over that from him ... presents ... 

... Best Motion Picture Comedy … The Grand Budapest Hotel … Wes Anderson accepts looking like a cute nerd and proceeds to thank the HFPA by mentioning them all by their first names …

MY FAVORITE JOKES OF THE NIGHT BREAK:  … Selma. In the 1960s, all over America, people came together with one common goal … to form Sly and the Family Stone …

… Matthew McConaughey is up and we are thankfully short on time so he won’t get to ramble … though he does speak in a crazy Southern drawl ...

… Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama … Julianne Moore for Still Alice … she finally gets her Globe and thanks her hot husband Bart Freundlich … she's like Meryl Streep ... she always gets nominated but, unlike Streep, she never seems to win ... until now ... Paltrow is up next … with some new chipmunk cheeks but an old Forever 21 bubblegum gown ...

… Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama … Eddie Redmayne … so adorable … so British … I want one .. a Redmayne not a Globe … and finally Meryl; steps out to present Best Picture to Boyhood and we get another glimpse of Linklater and then it’s over … a hair over three hours … not a bad show … a lot of first time awards given and a lot of people who always win going home empty … I like … sad that Fey and Poehler are out … unless we raise those coins, y’all … and here’s hoping the HFPA doesn’t go Gervais again … what did YOU think?

Bob's Golden Globe's Fashion Round-Up! YeeHaw!

MY BEST

Julianne Moore; she takes risks with fashion, and sometimes bombs. Recently she wore a bright yellow, turtle-necked, long-sleeved ball gown made of neoprene … I know. But this silver sequined, ombré number, trimmed in feathers was avant-garde and haute couture and fabulous!

THE BEST

Clockwise from top left

Emma Stone; I love her sense of humor, and that she knows the Globes aren’t some stuffy Oscars ceremony, so why not play it up with a fun jumpsuit and giant bow? Loved it.

Jessica Chastain; she usually goes a bit more demure, but really rocked a shiny copper plunging neckline. And she knows how to do that old Hollywood glamour hair. Take note Alison Williams.

Diane Kruger was chic and cool and modern, like a Grace Kelly for the new millennia.

Lupita Nyong’o usually rocks the carpet and this is no exception; flirty, fun, flowers, shows she was there to have a good time.

VERY GOOD

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Emily Blunt looked like a Grecian Goddess with a simple cut-out. It’s very good, but not great.

Gina Rodriguez; I don’t usually like those dresses with the see-thru pieces at the bottom, but this one moved well and seemed fun and wasn’t so daring. Plus, Gina Rodriguez won a Globe and just might be the new It Girl in Hollywood.

Heidi Klum looks a little too tan and a little too thin, but after some misfires on the red carpet — including that fringe get-up from the PR she wore — she returns in a stunning red number. Slinky and sexy.

Viola Davis would have scored higher in a different color because she really looks great in all colors, just not this red. I do like the cut and the embellishment and it is Viola so, yeah, it’s Very Good.

Lorde. Good lord! Or Good.Lorde. It was young and fun and fresh and new. She’s no actress up for an award, but a pop star up for an award so she took the pop star cue and worked it.

Kate Beckinsale. She’s very good; she’s always very good. I’d like to see her take more of a risk and I’d like to see her stop wearing that hairdo at every awards show. Still … stunning.

GOOD

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Helen Mirren. Even for a woman her age, Helen knows what to cover up and what to show off. And the glitter on the décolletage is perfect.

Jessica Lange. Okay, maybe some folks didn’t like this but, to me, Jessica Lange can do no wrong; no nowhere, not no how!

Taylor Schilling. I usually don’t like ball gowns, and I usually don’t like red, but she kept everything but the dress simple so she looks very chic. Red is the new black for the carpet.

Melissa McCarthy. Say what you will — I heard Schoolmarm — but I like that Melissa McCarthy takes a chance and I think this is fun and cute.

Ruth Wilson. Okay, the fabric is plain, like kitchen curtains, but Ruth gets a Good because of the color — one of the few non-black, non-white, non-red numbers on the carpet — and because she was fabulous in The Affair and deserved to win.

Lena Dunham. Lena generally gets a WTF from me because she looks like a piece of cotton candy, or a giant yellow shuttlecock. But this is cool and simple and structured and not over the top. Good.

M’KAY

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Amy Adams. We get it Amy, you’re an actress! But try a little something different. This is perfectly fine but do you really wanna look just fine?

Christine Baranski has a rockin’ bod, and I love the color and the design, but the fabric is just kinda sad. It lacks pizzazz!

Kerry Washington loves her color-blocking but this is a bit too stiff and too long or too short and the fabric looks like the fabric some people use on cat beds so it they pee the urine won’t be absorbed. Seriously, that was my first thought.

Felicity Jones has the same problem as Baranski. It’ a fabulous dress — from the back you could see the hundreds of buttons — but the color and the fabric choice are kind of drab.

MEH

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Anna Faris. Okay, so she brought her newly hot husband Chris Pratt so maybe that’s why she chose this subdued sequin number that looks more negligee than night out.

Felicity Huffman. She looks fabulous … if this was a Golden Globes luncheon. It’s not.

Jennifer Aniston. Gosh she wants an award so bad that she gave no thought to the dress, with its too high slit and weird cummerbund looking thing. Plus a little more hair might have been nice, but I get it, she’s trying to show she’s a serious actress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss always plays safe. Sleek dress, sleek hair. It’s enough.

Sienna Miller. Now, as a gay man, I still like some boobs, and had Sienna had boobs, this might have been a better choice; as it is, it looks like a very expensive apron.

Reese Witherspoon. The movie for which she was nominated was wild. This dress is Yawn.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Okay, you know it’s the Globes so you pick and flesh-tone strapless number. And you know you’ll be suiting for a long time so you wear a dress that wrinkles. Stop.

Katie Holmes. The dress is pretty enough, but it’s that cheap pony tail extension that bothered me and the fact that when she appeared to present, everything about her, mouth, eyes, and head, tilt when she talks.

BAD

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Amanda Peet. So, your original dress was ruined so you bedazzled a bed sheet? Seriously?

Anna Kendrick. This dress has the measles. Plus, Anna Kendrick never looks like an actress or whatever; every time I see her I think she works at my grocery store.

Salma Hayek. The dress is nice. The little matching handbag is not. And that thing in her hair? She’s trying too hard to be Cute Bride and it doesn’t work.

Keira Knightley. This is haute couture Chanel, and I’m guessing the good people at Chanel, knowing Knightley was pregnant thought it might be fun to use diapers as trim because that’s what it looks like. Plus, the thing around her neck looks like a bib she’d wear while getting her make-up done to keep it off the dress. I won’ say a word about the butterfly sequins or that giant-assed butterfly on her wrist.

THE WORST

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Camilla Alves is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a tablecloth.

Christy Teigen is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a doily tablecloth.

Jennifer Lopez wishes she was a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a duvet cover. But I’ll give her props: not many women could wear that much fabric and still give that much hint-o-vagina and that much boobage.

Julianna Margulies; between the severe, almost Bride of Frankenstein hair, and the stiff, too short dress, well, she ruined it. Plus, take a good look at the dress; see the horizontal seam? It looks like they added fabric to make it longer. Should’a left it short and should’a worn something else.

Rosamund Pike. Does anyone else see the giant V pointing towards her, um, monologue? Plus, girl just had a baby and this is way too much skin; it’s just wrong.

Patricia Arquette always looks like she’s going to Funeral Prom; and the hair? It looks like the way women might wear their hair when they’re putting on make-up before, you know, they actually do their hair.

Maura Tierney is a favorite actress of mine but this is so Rose from The Golden Girls. Even the sheer business at the top can’t make it look young.

Zosia Mamet. It’s sad. Sad shape. Sad color. Sad proportion. Sad girl.

WTF

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Catherine Zeta Jones needs to lay off the Botox. The only thing stiffer than Julianna Margulies’ dress was CZJ’s forehead. Plus, why is a women her age — I believe she’s 68 — still wearing ball gowns?

Amal Clooney. I can’t help it; I get Cruella De Vil from this look. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t see a single Dalmatian last night. Just sayin’.

Kate Hudson. We know she has a hot body because that’s all anyone ever says about her. Not that she’s a great actress, not that she’s a great beauty, just that she has a rockin’ bod. So why do all that with the plunge and the cutouts and the tight fit? It’s too much.

Allison Williams. I can’t with this. It looks like a Bloody Coffee Filter and that Hollywood Glamour hairdo and the eye make-up make her look like a really bad drag queen. Or Kristen Stewart.

Kate Mara wears a pretty, nice, dress, but fugs it up with a beige man’s belt. There is no explanation.

Claire Danes. Julianna Moore also wore feathers last night but at least she knew better than to wear a dress made entirely of feathers in a pattern and bad fit that make it looks like a dusty cover-up you found in Grandma’s attic.

THE HOTTEST MAN

Matt Bomer — My Husband In My Head — was hot in blue. I have no words, only the idea that I will stare at this picture for a very long time. plus, when he won and thanked his husband and htree children ... swoon!

THE REST OF THE MEN

Row by row

Common is hot, and I love the black-on-black suit. Simple and not a tuxedo. Very cool. Bonus points for a beautiful acceptance speech.

Alan Cumming. He’s kind of the male Helena Bonham Carter. He always wears something a little different and I always like it because he completely owns it.

David Oyelowo is just so cute and so sparkly. It’s nice to see a man rock some glitter.

Don Cheadle in an old school, Ocean’s Eleven suit. Totally cool.

Jake Gyllenhaal. What’s there left to say. Even with a beard — and I don’t mean Maggie — he’s hot.

Jamie Dornan is soon to be seen in the biggest flop of the year — besides The Interview — but still looks hot in traditional tuxedo.

George Clooney recycled the tuxedo from his wedding, so he’s green and cool.

Adrian Grenier looks like a mobster, but a hipster mobster.

William H. Macy looks like a mobster but like a hipster mobster’s father.

Ethan Hawke in a fray tuxedo that just looks like it faded from being washed one too many times.

Jared Leto is so hot — without the beard though — but this is just a hot mess. I’m getting a Pee Wee Herman clown vibe and that’s never good.

Kevin Hart is the shortest man in Hollywood — even shorter than Tom Cruise — but does he need to wear a tuxedo that looks like a Garanimals tuxedo? The short answer — see what I did there — is No.