Random Musings

After the terrorist attack that left several people dead last week, this week satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo issued a new magazine, with yet another caricature of the prophet Mohammed on the cover.

Translation: All is forgiven.

The magazine, which normally sells around 30,000 copies a week, had an initial run of three million, which was subsequently upped to five million after copies were being snapped up all over the place.

Freedom of Speech lives. Je suis Charlie.

So, the other night I was watching Marry Me, a moderately funny show created by the same guy who created the very funny, and sadly canceled, Happy Endings. Still, Marry Me is good, and there are some bits of irreverence and truly funny moments like …

The week’s episode was about couples having a ‘show,’ a favorite show they watch together. And it was about how, maybe, half the couple watched the show without their other half, but what made me giggle was the gay dads on the show, and how they watch TV.

The one gay dad, Kevin, played by Tim Meadows, watched his ‘couples’ show without his husband, also Kevin, played by Dan Bucatinsky, because Dan’s Kevin was always asking so many questions that Tim’s Kevin couldn’t watch the show.

That’s me and Carlos.

We’re watching a show and Carlos will say, Oooh that’s a nice lamp or I thought she was dead or Wasn’t he in that movie we saw? You know, that movie? And I will have to stop the DVR, answer the question and then try to catch up with the story.

So, I made Carlos watch the scene and told him that was us, and he said, Which one are you?

I’m the black guy! I said. I’m black!

I imagine our neighbors wondered what the hell was going on in The Big Gay House.

PS Carlos said, Was there a Black guy?

Oy.

Good news on the Gays In Ads front: Tiffany has released a new print ad that is chic and clean and beautiful, featuring a gorgeous couple who is newly engaged.

The only difference is that the couple is composed of two men, making them the first gay couple ever featured in a Tiffany’s engagement campaign. Even better, the couple in the ad is a real-life New York couple.

The march goes on ….

Okay, so I watched Empire on Fox last week, Now, I am not a particular fan of rap or hip-hop so I wondered if I’d like the show that was dubbed Nashville Goes Hip Hop. But, it was also called Urban Dynasty so I was intrigued. 

Plus there were some hot mens in the piece, like Jussie Smollett and Rafael de la Fuente, who play a gay couple, and Trai Byers who is a piece of prime beefcake.

It also stars Taraji P. Henson in a standout role as cookie; Cookie is a spitfire, fresh from prison, wanting what’s hers and when Henson is onscreen you don’t see anyone else. She is amazing.

Sadly, it also stars Terrence Howard, playing smug and smarmy.

Check it out for the beefcake and stay for Cookie.

So, Pope Francis will be visiting the Philippines soon and with so many people on the streets, and so many traffic enforcers — some 2,000 — needed to keep things running smoothly, there was the question of what to do when nature calls? Leave your post and head for the loo? Oh hell no.

Those 2,000 traffic enforcers who will be on duty during the Pope’s visit will be required to wear adult diapers, according to Metropolitan Manila Development Authority chairman Francis Tolentino, who even encouraged people waiting to see Frankie to also wear diapers.

Oh lord. Imagine the changing tables in the restrooms. Oy.

In WTF news: McCleish Christmas Benham, the passenger who went on a drunken, violent, anti-gay rampage caught on video at DFW International Airport last fall will pay just $474 in fines.

Benham assaulted two people while yelling anti-gay epithets, before other passengers tackled him to the ground and he was arrested. He was charged with public intoxication and simple assault.

He had pleaded no contest — meaning he admitted he was guilty — but failed to appear in court which lead to the fines. The lesson learned: beat up a gay in an airport while shouting homophobic slurs and you just pay a fine. 

Don’t mess with Texas … better yet, don’t go to Texas.

Oh, the showtune queen in me is all atwitter.

There have been rumors that a  movie version of the hit Broadway musical Wicked: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz  going around ever since the show opened eleven years ago, but now, well, it seems like it may actually happen.

Producer Marc Platt has said that a film version of Wicked could be in theaters by next year … even if the movie hasn’t been officially greenlighted yet. Steven Daldry, who directed The Hours, is said to be on board, but we, and by we I mean me, er, I, need to remember that it took 30 years to get Les Miz from stage to screen, and 27 years to get Into The Woods on film.

Still, 2016? I’m getting in line now with my Wicked t-shirt, my Wicked cap, and my Wicked mug.

Yes, I am that queen.

Out west, the Ninth Circuit of Appeals has denied Idaho Governor Butch Otter’s petition for an en banc review of the court’s decision to strike down Idaho’s same-sex marriage ban.

Still, Otter has promised that he would continue to fight against marriage equality in Idaho until he was left with no other options.

Good luck with that … dick.

In other movie news, Matt Bomer, My-Husband-In-My-Head and recent Golden Globe winner for the Normal Heart, is set to play closeted gay actor Montgomery Clift in a new HBO film.

Clift starred in classic films like The Heiress, Red River, From Here to Eternity and Judgment at Nuremberg. He died of a heart attack in 1965 at the age of 45.

It should be a great pairing of Bomer and Clift.

Again, the queen in me cannot wait!

In the wake of the attack at Charlie Hebdo last week, Congressman Randy Weber, of Texas of course, Tweeted a disgusting attack on President Barack Obama, offending what appears to be the vast majority of people who saw his tweet:

Of course, Weber was just goose-stepping along with Fox News by dragging the President through the mud for not marching in the Paris Unity Rally last weekend—and for the record, I think Obama should have been there, but I would never have compared him to Hitler, you know, because I’m not an asshat.

Weber left his stupid Tweet up for almost a day while people replied to him, calling him out on his ridiculous behavior, and then he apologized … kind of:

“I need to first apologize to all those offended by my tweet. It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler. The mention of Hitler was meant to represent the face of evil that still exists in the world today. I now realize that the use of Hitler invokes pain and emotional trauma for those affected by the atrocities of the Holocaust and victims of anti-Semitism and hate."

He didn’t mean to compare Obama to Hitler in a Tweet in which he compares Obama to Hitler?

Siddown Weber, you’re just another racist Texas congressman who spends most of his time kissing the ass of Fox News.

Oh, and where was your apology to the man you offended most of all, the President?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

In other political news, the 114th Congress took office this week and the Lunatics Running The Asylum, AKA Teabaggers, no time in introducing plethora of f**kery, like:

Rep. Steve King, Iowa, introduced a resolution to repeal the Sixteenth Amendment, which authorizes Congress to levy income tax. King also introduced a resolution to repeal the Affordable Care Act … again!

Rep. Mo Brooks, Alabama, introduced a resolution to authorize Congress to sue to the president for "actions inconsistent" with his duties regarding immigration laws.

Rep. Tom Rice, of South Carolina … sigh … introduced a resolution to authorize the House to sue any member of the executive branch who "oversteps their authority" regarding immigration laws. 

Rep. Robert Anderholt, also Alabama, introduced a resolution to repeal any executive order regarding immigration reform and "restore" such actions to the federal legislature.

Rep. Bob Goodlatte, Virginia, introduced a resolution to "terminate" the Internal Revenue Code.

Rep. Andy Barre, Kentucky, introduced a resolution that would limit members of the Senate to serving two consecutive terms and limit members of the House to serving six consecutive terms; okay, I like that one.

Rep. Trent Franks, Arizona, introduced a resolution to make it a felony punishable by five years in prison to perform an abortion on a woman carrying a "pain-capable" fetus.

Rep. Todd Young, Indiana, introduced a resolution to raise the threshold for classification as a full-time worker from 30 hours per week to 40 hours per week, which would mean the end of mandated health insurance for everybody who works fewer than 40 hours, which means F**K you Middle class..

It’s gonna be a rough couple of years with the Rightwingnuts in the House … and Senate.

Randy Thomas, a former vice-president of ex-gay group Exodus International, is now embracing the fact that he’s a big old queen and showing us, once again, that being gay is not a choice and reparative therapy is a sham. He says, now:

“I have read many stories of people who have ‘come out again’ or accepted they are gay after some time in the ex-gay world. Many of their stories are compelling and well-written. But, sometimes I wish they would get to the point right off the bat. Just say it and then tell the story. So that is what I am going to do: I am gay.”

I’d say Welcome Out, and I might give you a gift or two, but after all the harm you’ve inflicted by being a self-loathing closeted queer, you don’t need a gift.

You need to give us a gift and simply go away and be gay and quiet.

CBS Films Straight-Washes 'Pride'

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Random Musings

Up in Vermont, Bo Muller-Moore picked a fight with anti-gay fast-food chain Chick-fil-A over the use of the phrase "eat more kale" … similar to their trademarked "eat mor chikin" … and this week he won his legal battle after the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office granted his application to trademark his phrase.

"I've called Chick-fil-A's bluff on their cease-and-desist demands. I am not ceasing and desisting. I am thriving, thanks to people like you and thanks to Vermont and people from beyond." — Bo Muller-Moore

Muller-Moore started using the phrase in 2001 after a farmer who grows kale — known for its nutritional value — asked him to make three T-shirts for his family; the phrase caught on and, with the approval of the farmer, Muller-Moore began marketing it.

In 2011, Muller-Moore sought to trademark the phrase and shortly thereafter Chick-fil-A sent him a cease-and-desist letter telling him to stop using the phrase because the company felt it could be confused with "eat mor chikin."

But Muller-Moore refused, and used social media — and even this blog HERE — to win the support of state officials, including the Governor and pro-bono lawyers who handled his case. Governor Shumlin called Muller-Moore a shining example of Vermont's independence and entrepreneurial spirit.

Now, Chick-fil-A is kinda eating Crow, while Muller-Moore is having a special drink …

"Chick-fil-A did me a bit of a favor: They handed me lemons, and I made lemonade.” — Bo Muller-Moore

Snap.

When Carlos comes home from work, he often stirs our little Pocket Dog, Ozzo, into a frenzy, with the dog tearing through the house like Lindsay Lohan looking to score.

But the other day, as Carlos was revving him up and up and up, I suddenly heard a thump and Carlos say, “Ozzo! Are you okay? Ozzo?”

The.Dog.Had.Run.Into.The.Wall.

Proud Papa I am.

I know there’s an ALLEGED threat of terrorism, but, well, this still makes me smile.

In light of the decision by the majority of movie houses to pull the new James Franco/Seth Rogan film, The Interview, from their theaters before it even opened, Sony Pictures have scrapped the release of the film … for now, and released a statement which says, in part:

“Sony Pictures has been the victim of an unprecedented criminal assault against our employees, our customers, and our business. Those who attacked us stole our intellectual property, private emails, and sensitive and proprietary material, and sought to destroy our spirit and our morale – all apparently to thwart the release of a movie they did not like.”

Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but let me pose this question: how would we feel if some film company in North Korea — or anywhere for that matter — released a film about two North Koreans coming to the US to assassinate our president? Sure, maybe we wouldn’t hack anyone’s emails, but the movie is offensive and ridiculous and stupid.

Plus, Franco’s in it and the less I see or hear of him, the better.

Other things making me smile this week?

Glad you asked. Out there to Alexandria, Indiana, the First United Methodist Church will close its doors at the end of this year. So, why am I smiling?

Glad you asked. This is the same church that earlier this year fired their musical director, Adam Fray, because he’s a homosexual. Then Dr. David Steele was fired from his leadership position in the church for asking that Fray be rehired. Those two things caused a mass walkout by many in the congregation, which caused the church to lose members and money and have to shut it down.

That’s why I’m smiling. Another example of the so-called Good Christians lashing out against someone for being gay and The Gays get the last laugh.

Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, Two Hounds of Hell from the W Regime, have come out and said that, even in light of the recent CIA torture report, they still support the use of, ahem, “enhanced interrogation methods.”

Good, let’s arrest them both for War crimes and use those same methods on them.

I’ve still been perusing Bravo’s new “scripted” show, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce, though it isn’t for the girlfriend’s or the divorce. I do like Janeane Garofalo as a bitter divorcee, but it’s the man candy that peaks my, er, interest.

Like Charles Mesure, who plays on of the ex-husbands and has a body and Australian accent to die for.

Then there’ Paul Adelstein, not classically handsome but there’s something about him that also, well, you know.

Just sayin’.

Barbara Walters aired her "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2014” last week and the most fascinating person of the year? Amal Alamuddin Clooney. Oh, she isn’t fascinating because she’s a high-powered attorney, not at all. Babs — who apparently thinks this was the Most Fascinating List for 1944, said it like this:

"This is Amal Alamuddin, George Clooney's beautiful bride. You could say hers was the wedding of the year. It was really one of the greatest achievements in human history."

The.Greatest.Achievement.In.Human.History? Way to set back the women’s movement a hundred years or more Babs, because no one but you thinks marrying a confirmed bachelor actor is the greatest human achievement in history.

Shouldn’t you be relaxing in a  crypt somewhere?

Camille Cosby has finally broken her silence over the twenty or so — of which we know — women who allege that they were sexually abused and drugged by her husband Bill Cosby, and she went all Tammy “Stand By Your Man” Wynette on the media. She says that the situation is similar to the Rolling Stone report of rapes at UVA that has since been called into question because the woman, the lone woman, at the center of that story may have lied.

Um, Camille, because one woman in Virginia may have lied to Rolling Stone about being raped, that doesn’t compare at all to the dozens and dozens of women who’ve come forward telling the same story about your husband.

You need to sit down and have a good think, and then … stay seated.

When Carlos cooks I inevitably walk into the kitchen and will say, “What stinks?”

And he’ll say,. “The crap I’m serving for dinner.”

Well, being the Christmas season, and being that Carlos loves cranberries and marmalade, he was in the kitchen the other day making some, you guessed it, Cranberry Marmalade. Only, we didn’t have any oranges to give it that citrus boost so he was going to add apples.

“Cranberries and Apples,” I said.”Sounds like Crapple.”

See what I did there? Cranberries? Apples? He cooks crap?

Yeah, he already made me stop.

Jeb Bush has kina come out to say he’s going to run for president so he can also ruin, and that isn’t a typo like I meant to say run, I meant, ruin this country like his dim-bulb, lying war criminal brother, and his one-term, read my lips  no new taxes daddy.

He said, on Facebook, because he’s a teenage girl:

"I am excited to announce I will actively explore the possibility of running for President of the United States."

He’s announcing that he’s really really really gonna think about it.

Siddown Jeb. Just Siddown.

More Carlos?

Okay … earlier this week my father sent us a little gift from a garden center: Bird Seed Pears. They looks like pears, but are made of birdseed and you hang them about your yard to feed your visiting feathered friends.

Well, Carlos was leaving for work one day and he asked if I minded if he gave one to Nina, the receptionist at work. I didn’t, but then I wondered something … Carlos and Nina chat all the time; they take lunches together; they share recipes and give one another gifts — she recently gave him us a bird feeder.

Now I realize what’s happening ... Nina is Carlos “Work Wife.”

And as soon as I told him that I knew, well let’s just say he looked like he wanted to run into a wall like Ozzo.

The Song-In-My-Head this week is, at last, a long time favorite: Shawn Colvin, "Killing The Blues."