Random Musings

Since becoming husband-and-husband, I’ve found renewed joy in my life with Carlos because, well, I get to gaslight him all the time now!

Like the day I was home and he called to say he was running late, and I acted as though I couldn’t hear him.

Then, when he got home, and I asked why he was late and hadn’t called, he said he had. I said he didn’t; he said he did. It went on like that for a couple of m minutes before he whipped out his phone and called the house phone because he wanted to check if it was working.

And I laughed, telling him that I was gas-lighting him.

Like the time he said he had to go to Lancaster for work, then to Cassatt, and then back to Camden. He called to tell me he was back in Camden and I asked what he meant by that.

Carlos: I told you I was going to Lancaster.

Bob: No, you didn’t.

Carlos: Yes, I did.

Bob: No, you said you were going to Cassatt and then back home.

Carlos: I did go to Cassatt.

Bob: You went to Cassatt? Why didn’t you tell me?

Gaslight. Not that there’s a huge sum of money I’ll come into when I have Carlos declared mentally unstable; I’m just doing it for fun.

"I, Darren Wilson, hereby resign my commission as a police officer with the City of Ferguson effective immediately. I have been told that my continued employment may put the residents and police officers of the City of Ferguson at risk, which is a circumstance that I cannot allow. For obvious reasons, I wanted to wait until the grand jury made their decision before I officially made my decision to resign. It was my hope to continue in police work, but the safety of other police officers and the community are of paramount importance to me. It is my hope that my resignation will allow the community to heal. I would like to thank all of my supporters and fellow officers throughout this process."

Good.Bye. And I hope we never hear from you again.

Tony Dungy, the former NFL coach-turned-NBC analyst who said he wouldn't have drafted Michael Sam because he wouldn't want to "deal with all of it" — meaning the media attention — said this week that he would welcome wife-beater Ray Rice onto a team.

So, you can beat up a woman and still be an NFL star but you can’t be gay.

South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson yesterday petitioned the Fourth Circuit Court, asking that they not rule on his marriage appeal until the Supreme Court issues on a decision on the cases out of Sixth Circuit. Wilson, like his counterparts in several other states, is desperately trying to keep his case alive so that marriage equality can be undone should SCOTUS rule negatively.

Although he’s wasting taxpayer money and doesn’t seem to realize that South Carolina is not bound by decisions of the Sixth Circuit Court.

Seriously, Alan, give up. The Queers have landed legally married in South Carolina!

Back in the olden days — well, late last century — it was always a bit surprising to see interracial couples on scripted TV shows. Not surprising to see them in real life, mind you, but TV always seems to lag behind the real word. I still remember the shock of the Willis’ on The Jefferson’s back in the day.

So, imagine my surprise when two new shows — NBC’s Marry Me and Bravo’s first scripted show The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce — each featured an interracial couple.

And a gay one, to boot — clockwise from top left: Dan Bucatinsky and Tim Meadows from Marry Me, and Patrick Heusinger and J. August Richards from GG2D.

A friend posted this thing on Facebook that you should Google your first name and the word ‘meme’ following. Then go to images and post the first image that comes up.

That one, up there, was the first image that came up, but that — down there — was Number Four and, I felt, far funnier and more apropos.

So, let me get this white: in America you can be shot to death for stealing cigarillos from a store in Missouri, and you can be choked to death for selling “loosies” — single cigarettes — on Staten Island?

Oh, only if you’re Black in America.

AT&T U-verse had a Free HBO weekend over Thanksgiving and so I recorded all the episodes of The Leftovers, which is based on a book I’d read last year about a Rapture-like disappearance of 2% of the world’s population.

Good book, but the show features one Justin Theroux, an ISBL hottie, and star of a Would You Hit It post. Justin appears shirtless, pants-less and nude.

Bob is intrigued.

Down in Houston, two teenage carjackers were met with a wee surprise when trying to steal a car: a stick shift.

The two morons held the motorist at gunpoint trying to take his car, and then demanded that he tell them how to drive it. After the driver provided a few instructions, the teens ordered him out of the vehicle, drove off, probably riding the clutch all the way, and the driver called the police.

Both morons were arrested for carjacking and stupidity.

Speaking of Texas, county clerks in Fort Worth and Houston say they won't issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples even if a federal judge lifts his stay of a ruling striking down Texas' marriage bans.

Bob says you should then be fired for not doing your jobs, and then you can whine about how, while not following the law, and denying Gays the legal right to marry, your own rights were trampled on.

Then you can STFU.

I stopped by Blobby’s Blog this week — on World AIDS Day — and he had written a post and then ended it with a Rosanne Cash song, “I Want A Cure” as a way of tribute.

And that little moment triggered the song that’s been playing on a loop in my head for the week. The song, “Tennessee Flat-Top Box” was one from Rosanne’s childhood — she remembered it being sung to her as a lullaby — and she longed to record it. When she did she found out that old lullaby had been written by her late father, Johnny Cash.

I Didn't Say It ...

Michael Sam, in GQ Magazine, on coming out:

“If I had it my way, I never would have [come out] the way I did, never would have told it the way I did. I would have done the same thing I did at Mizzou. Which was to tell my team and my coaches and leave it at that. But since I did tell my team, word got out.  ... But the recruiters knew, and reporters knew, and they talked to each other, and it got out. If I didn't have the year I did, nobody would have cared. But I did have that year. And a lot of people knew. Someone was gonna ask me, 'I heard you told your team a secret.…' Well, I was comfortable with who I was, and I wouldn't have denied it. And then I wouldn't have been able to control the story. But I have no regrets. Some people can argue that I had the potential to go higher in the draft. But I think everything happens for a reason. It looks good to see me in the position I'm in now, because I can show the world how good I am and rise up the ranks. I'm at the bottom now. I can rise up, show I'm a football player. Not anything else. Just a football player."

As I like to say, he isn't a gay football player, he's a football player who is gay.

Amy Schumer, on Joan Rivers:

"I only met Joan Rivers once, but I carried her with me for as long as I can remember. The first time I heard Joan was in the move Spaceballs. She was brash and hilarious and just hearing the voice coming from that gold robot put this crazy idea in my head: that I could use my voice, too. When I filmed my first standup special in 2007 I had to fight to get a joke past the censors. The joke was, 'I'm at the age where my friends are having kids and the way they tell me that they’re pregnant is by taking us all out to brunch and saying, 'You guys? I'm keeping this one.' And I thought I was pretty edgy for doing such a dark joke in what is still an unforgiving time for women who exercise their right to choose. It wasn't until a year later that I watched a clip of Joan on The Tonight Show and she was doing a joke of a similar nature. She spoke of a friend of hers who'd gotten fourteen appendectomies in Puerto Rico ... I laughed out loud. The truth and the pain and the way she said it cut like a knife. When she performed that joke on television it was the early 70s. Think about that. She stuck her neck out at a dangerous time; she couldn't even say the word abortion on television. Now, I’m not going to say how big of balls she had to say that joke on the air, because she has taught us time and time again that having balls has nothing to do with it ...Joan was the bravest of all.  Joan always got blasted for being mean, but she had the guts to make fun of herself more than anybody. ... I loved a lot of funny women ... Gilda, Carol Burnett, and Lucy, too, but I spoke up in class ... because of that first voice I heard coming from that golden robot. She wasn't just a woman or a person. She was a comic, and wanted to be treated as such. I'm sure this speech would annoy her. She didn't want to be given credit for aspiring women. She wanted to be known as a great comedian. And, she was." 

Yes, she was. I like to consider myself a little like Joan because I say what’s on my mind, and I will make that joke that some might think inappropriate. But it’s my mind, my mouth, my joke.

Thank Joan for that.

LeAnn Rimes comparing herself to her stepson:

“I was super-driven as a kid. Even though I was on the road a lot, the teachers would give me homework and I would get it all done. I look at my 11-year-old stepson Mason, and I’m like, ‘I signed a record deal when I was your age. You’re still fumbling with tying your shoelaces.’”

And y’all thought Cinderella have a Wicked Stepmother.

By the way, there are no known photos of LeAnn tying her own shoes because they don't make lace-ups for cloven hooves.

Linda Harvey, “ex-gay” wingnut, on a Christmas gift for your favorite teen or college student struggling with their sexuality:

“If you were wondering what to get your teen or college student for Christmas, how about giving them the gift of common sense and morality? This is the way many people have described my book, Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View On Homosexuality. Same-sex relationships are not what anyone was born for yet there are reasons why people get there and even more reasons why they can leave those feelings behind.”

Linda? Honey? Nutjob? By the time your youngsters get to be teens or college students they know they’re gay, they’ve probably had some gay experiences, and your little Hate Book won’t change that.

Maybe you should take a seat now.

Robbie Rogers, openly gay soccer star, on being a role model:

"I realized that just by playing and being on the soccer field, that's a symbol right there, and that can encourage and give people hope. It was really those kids inspiring me that was kind of like my final decision — I need to sack up, I need to go back into soccer.'" 

The very kids for whom he is a role model, were role models to him for returning to soccer after coming out.

That’s progress.

Random Musings

Not a funny Carlos story this week, but a kinda cool one.

In his job, Carlos works a great deal with the Hispanic community in our town, county and state. Last year, he also worked with the Mexican Consulate trying to help a lot of the undocumented workers get their papers together and get them on the road to citizenship. I joked that he should get a job at the Mexican Consulate where he could work all day and I could go to lunches with the spouses of consulate employs and plan fabulous parties for the consulate.

Well, now it appears that we — and it’s ‘we’ because of ‘he’ — have been invited to a cocktail party at the Mexican Consulate in Raleigh, North Carolina next month to celebrate 204th Anniversary of Mexican  Independence.

Maybe that goal of being a consulate employee’s spouse might work out after all? Maybe, you know, at the Mexican Consulate in some fabulous European capital?

Fingers crossed.

I joke because what I really am is very, very proud of Carlos and the work he does.

Oh, this could be good … It seems that My-Husband-In-My-Head, Matt Bomer, will be guest-starring on next season’s American Horror Story: Freak Show. AHS creator Ryan Murphy broke the news himself saying he was excited to reunite once again with the “amazing” actor, who was nominated this year for his performance in The Normal Heart, also directed by Murphy:

“I try to get him to do everything for me. I sent him a text that said, ‘First right of refusal, here’s the role.’ It’s very…warped.”

Murphy is even willing to work around Matt’s schedule for the filming Magic Mike 2 in order to make the appearance work.

Matt Bomer? AHS? Win.Win.

Has my watch stopped or is her fifteen minutes of fame not over yet?

Donald Sterling's former mistress/girlfriend/paid-whore V. Stiviano is now claiming that Sterling is gay and she was just his "beard" for three years before his wife Shelly Sterling filed a lawsuit against her.

Now, in response to Shelly's lawsuit, which accuses the model mistress of taking $1.8 million from the Sterling Family in gifts for sexual favors, Stiviano says that she “was not ever a sexual partner” of Donald. She is now claiming that Sterling is “homosexual and enjoys sexual and or sexual congress with males” and that she acted as his “beard.” She also says Shelly Sterling knew and “condoned” her husband's “sexual orientation” and approved “gifts of money and or properties” to Stiviano for acting as his beard.

Huh. So, racist Donald Sterling might be gay. Well, being gay is not such a bad thing, but … being a fame-whore who sells herself for cash is a whore of a different color.

Go away V. Seriously, you are pathetic.

Last season on Nashville there was a hot British guy on the show who had an affair with Hayden Panettiere’s character. Now, since I am a whore for an accent I always thought the character was hot.

Fast forward to this summer’s Extant and there’s a crew-cut wearing hot Brit on the show as a bad guy with a robotic arm and, well, the accent, and all, I was hooked.

Turns out the two hot Brits are the same guy: Charlie Bewley.

Bad guy with a crew cut. Adulterer with fine hair. I’ll take him either way.

This week a 9-year-old girl — that is not the girl in the picture … her name has not been released — accidentally killed Charles Vacca, an Arizona shooting instructor, who was showing her how to use an automatic Uzi.

Yup, a little girl with parents who thought it might be fun to teach their 9-year-old how to fire an automatic weapon and now she’ll live the rest of her life knowing she killed a man,

Lovely parenting skills that.

And now, just two days after that horrible accident—which wouldn’t have happened if the adults hadn’t put a gun in a 6-year-old’s hands, the National Rifle Association [NRA] touted new ways for children to "have fun" at shooting ranges by posting a Tweet to its NRA Women account that read "7 Ways Children Can Have Fun at the Shooting Range."

Except for that whole murdering people thing.

The NRA. What the ever-loving f%k is wrong with them that, on the heels of this horrific accident, they actually want people to bring children to a shooting range.

You know, all the haters are always saying that The Gays want to indoctrinate children to our “lifestyle” but who’s saying a word about the NRA trying to indoctrinate children to becoming gun-toting loons?

This post was written before Joan was hospitalized this morning. It appears she is now in stable condition, thankfully ... so here goes ...

This past Monday I posted a few pictures of what I thought were bad looks at the VMAs; that post is HERE. 

Beyoncé, looking like a tease before shaking her ass and breathing hard onstage … Taylor Swift looking like  a cheap plastic blow-up doll … and Gwen Stefani looking like a car hop.

I actually said, of Gwen: “Slap on the skates and roll out my burger and chocolate shake to my car.”

The next night, Tuesday night, watching the VMA/EMMY fashion roundup on Fashion Police, Joan Rivers said of Gwen: “She looks like she needs to be wearing skates and bringing a burger to my car.”

Did Joan plagiarize me? Or do great, sarcastic minds think alike?

Good news! Michael Sam is a still Ram having made it through the first round of cuts. Now, I am not a fan of the volleyball, so, well, I’ll tell you what ESPN said:

“That Sam made it through the first round of cuts is of little surprise after he posted two sacks against the Cleveland Browns on Saturday night. Through three preseason games, Sam -- the first openly gay active player in NFL history -- has five tackles and three sacks. Rams coaches' film review also credits the rookie defensive end with two quarterback pressures and a quarterback hit.”

I’m guessing that’s good because, you know, volleyball.

But then ESPN stepped in it big time when, in trying to discuss how Michael Sam, an openly gay man, fits in with his team, the network aired a segment from reporter Josina Anderson discussing Michael Sam's showering habits in the Rams locker room: when he's showering, which teammates he might be showering with, why he might not be showering with others, etc.

Seriously? This is news? This is reporting?

Rams coach Jeff Fisher was also angry about the report:

“I’m extremely disappointed in her piece. I think it’s unethical. I think it’s very, very unprofessional. Not only the piece itself, the content. (But also) the manner in which she did it. ... I’m disappointed for Mike. I’m disappointed for the players who she put in this position, and mostly I’m disappointed for her because she felt what she was doing was right — and it wasn’t right.”

It was stupid and feeding into that whole argument that gay players only want to be on professional sports teams so they can see nekkid mens in the shower. 

Stupid.Stupid.Stupid.

And so, ESPN issued an apology:

"ESPN regrets the manner in which we presented our report. Clearly yesterday we collectively failed to meet the standards we have set in reporting on LGBT-related topics in sports."

Ya think? This Tweet says it all ...

In Idiot News:

Gordon "Creepy Jazz Hands" Klingenschmitt, a Republican nominee for a seat in Colorado’s statehouse, has accused Democrats of lacking a sense of humor after he sent an email which said that Congressman Jared Polis, a Democrat from Colorado, will “join ISIS in beheading Christians.”

Oh, that’s high-larious! And so typical of the GOP and its wingnut faction.

In the email, Klingenschmitt wrote:

“The open persecution of Christians is underway. Democrats like Polis want to bankrupt Christians who refuse to worship and endorse his sodomy. Next he’ll join ISIS in beheading Christians, but not just in Syria, right here in America.”

Mark Ferrandino, Speaker of the Colorado House, condemned Klingenschmitt’s remarks and demanded that Colorado Republicans do the same. Colorado Republican spokesperson Owen Loftus said that Klingenschmitt’s comments “in no way reflect the views of the party.”

Actually, it does, because while it was offensive, it was clear what he said while the rest of the GOP couches their hate rhetoric a little better.

And so, naturally, "Creepy Jazz Hands" issued an apology … of sorts:

“This weekend I sent out an email alert to my constituents in which I used hyperbole. You know what hyperbole is. It’s a literary device where you exaggerate to make a point. Well, apparently some Democrats do not have a sense of humor and they were offended by some of the things I said using hyperbole this weekend.”

And then he continued saying that, while it was wrong to compare Polis to Islamic State extremists, the Democrat was “persecuting Christian business owners here in America.”

Seriously, Colorado, this man is up for a seat in your state government?

I Didn't Say It

Chris Kluwe, former Minnesota Vikings punter, on the punishment given to special teams coach Mike Priefer following an investigation into Kluwe's claims of homophobic remarks and anti-gay bias by the team:

"Players who get caught smoking weed or DUI get 4 games, and you're telling me the guy who made a comment like 'let's round up all the gays put them on an island nuke it till it glows' -- he's only going to get a slap on the wrist? ... I think he's probably sorry that all of this ever happened. I don't think he's truly sorry because in the report he kind of backs his way and says yeah, I kind of said it...The NFL is a league where you can get redemption for killing someone, for beating your wife in an elevator, for driving drunk, for a whole variety of things but when you speak out for civil rights, that's the one thing you cannot get redeemed for."

Priefer was suspended for just three games, and it may drop to two games, after his nuke-the-gays comment, and ordered to make a donation to LGBT organizations.

Not enough, says Kluwe, who still plans to sue the team.

Dick Cheney, on President Obama:

“I think he is the worst president of my lifetime. I fundamentally disagree with him. I think he’s doing a lot of things wrong. I’m not prepared at this point to call for the impeachment of the president. I’m glad to see that the House Republicans are challenging him, at least legally at this point, but I think that gets to be a bit of a distraction. It’s like the impeachment of Bill Clinton did — everybody could get geared up to have a big fight over it but it wasn’t going anyplace.”

Sit down.

Oh, but please wash the blood off your hands first.

Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, on the decision to come out and still play professional football:

"I was kind of second-guessing myself, 'Maybe football turned it's back on me.' I was like, 'Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did.' You know? I had so many emotions going in my head. And then I felt a touch over my shoulder and it was Vito, and I was just, I was like, 'I don't care what happens. I know I did the right thing in my heart. And whatever happens, happens. I'm just going to move forward.'"

That's love, and anyone who doesn't understand it, that it can occur between two men or two women, needs to just have a seat because they will never get it.

Rick Scott, Flori-duh governor, on same-sex marriage:

“People have a different view about it in our state. But in 2008, the voters decided that this state would be a traditional marriage state. It’s going through the court system. But what’s important to me is I don’t want anybody discriminated against.”

Um ... what?

Gene Simmons, Kiss asshat, on how it feels being part of the 1 percent:

“It’s fantastic! The 1 percent pays 80 percent of all taxes. Fifty percent of the population of the U.S. pays no taxes. The 1 percent provides all the jobs for everybody else. If the 1 percent didn’t exist, there would be chaos and the American economy would drop dead. Try being nice to rich people. I don’t remember the last poor person who gave me a job.”

Rockers shouldn’t speak, especially when they are as delusional as the man who made his living off his tongue and f**king groupies.

Michael Sam Receives the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

Michael Sam, the NFLs first openly gay player, and a St. Louis Ram, received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at last nights ESPYs. I was looking to include some of it in this morning’s I Didn’t Say it … but it was impossible to pick one quote.

So here’s the whole thing, and it’s amazing ….

The Arthur Ashe Courage Award is a big honor. Much bigger than just me. This year I've had a lot of experience being part of something bigger than myself. At times, I've felt like I've been living in a massive storm, without knowing when the storm will end. I'm here tonight to tell you the lessons I learned about love, respect, being true to yourself will never leave me.

"The late, great Arthur Ashe wasn't just courageous. He was brilliant, too. In fact, he once put all the wisdom in the world in three short sentences: 'Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.' Those are words to live by, whether you're black or white, young or old, straight or gay. So let me tell you why these words mean so much to me, like this award does.

First, start where you are. Like a lot of us, I didn't start on top. That only drove me to get somewhere better. I was lucky to have great father figures like Ronnie Purl, my mentor and best friend. And great coaches like Gary Pinkel and Craig Smith, who knew my story and did everything possible to give it a better ending.

Next, use what you have. What I have is the privilege to play a game that I love with all my heart. Football raised me. Football taught me about hard work, about discipline and about teamwork. But whatever passion or talent you have, follow it. I followed mine, and it got me all the way to this stage tonight, so I can look out and see so many of my heroes looking back at me.

Finally, Arthur Ashe said, 'Do what you can.' Those have been very meaningful words to me. The way I see it, my responsibility at this moment in history is to stand up for everybody out there who wants nothing more than to be themselves openly. Recently, a friend asked me to talk to his sister, a young woman who was considering killing herself rather than accepting and sharing with her loved ones the fact that she's gay. When we spoke, she told me she would never consider hurting herself and that somehow my example helped her. It's amazing to think that, by just doing what we can, we can all touch, change and even save lives.

I want to take a moment to just thank some of my friends who have helped me. Cameron Weiss and Joe Barkett, young guys who took a chance on me, just like I took a chance on them. And Ken Sunshine. Ronnie and Candy Purl, who have done so much to help me get here. My entire Mizzou family for all the support you've given me. You will always be home. And to the Rams organiztion -- Stan Kroenke, Les Snead, Fisher and my teammates. To my mother, a single mother who somehow raised eight kids, I love you dearly.

Last but not least, Vito. People tell me that I'm their inspiration. You are my inspiration.

Standing here tonight looking out at all these legends who have already achieved so much is one of the thrills of my life. I promise to spend the rest of my life trying my best to live up to this honor and become the best football player I can.

And finally, to anyone out there -- especially young people -- feeling like they don't fit in and will never be accepted, please know this: great things can happen when you have the courage to be yourself.

Thank you and God bless.