Oy! What A Year We Had ...

Lots on my mind as we wind down another year …

I keep thinking about Leelah Alcorn, the transgender girl who killed herself because her parents told her she was wrong, and a sin, and an abomination … and that since God doesn’t make mistakes, she must have been mentally ill to think she as transgender.

Too bad they couldn’t have thought, “God doesn’t makes mistakes so She sent us a transgender child to open our eyes and the eyes of the world.” Maybe then Leelah wouldn’t have walked in front of that truck.

I think about all those LGBTQ kids who felt they could no longer go on this year because of being bullied by friend, fellow students, teachers and their own parents. Think of what any of those kids might have accomplished if we all just learned to accept people for who they are, and not what we think they should be.

My sister died this year … I remember one of the last times I talked with her, about a month or so before she passed. She didn’t seem to know who I was, didn’t even ask about Carlos — which she always did — and just talked about what was on the TV screen she was watching. I realized then that the sister I’d loved my whole life was leaving me. I realized then that things would never be the same.

I still called and still talked and made sure that, even if she didn’t quite understand, the last words she heard from me were, “I love you.”

I also realized then that when she did go, on February 15, she was in a much better place, and didn’t hurt, and had her hair, and was laughing with my Mom. It’s not a God thing, it’s a universe thing.

I’m a happily married man, to another happily married man. 

When I met Carlos I never thought this was a possibility … even after Massachusetts and Iowa … even after California. Then the tide started turning and we started talking about it; we both wanted to be married, we both wanted to have a husband. We wanted that. And then to have my Dad ask to be there, well, that was the icing on the wedding cake, with the added cherry of having marriage equality come to South Carolina … South FREAKING Carolina … after we got back from Washington.

Amazeballs.

We used to shop at Kroger until we learned that Kroger has a ‘Meh’ attitude about Open Carry in their stores; I’d always said that if the day came when I had to ask someone to move their assault weapon so I could get a loaf of bread, it was time to shop elsewhere.

So we did; we went back to Publix — where we shopped when we lived in Miami — and now Publix is in the news. But for a good reason: starting tomorrow, Publix stores will offer full benefits packages to their employees’ same-sex spouses.

Guns. Equality. I choose equality.

Of course, when you factor in that kid who shot his mother with her own gun in a Wal-Mart, Kroger should be prepared for that to happen in one of their stores.

Lotsa coming out parties this year, too, and lots of Coming Out Toaster Ovens and copies of The Gay Agenda—a one page pamphlet, actually, featuring one word: “equability”—being sent out from HOMO HQ.

Michael Martin took his boyfriend to prom and came out at the same time. Daniel Franzese, who played the  'almost to gay to function' in Mean Girls is now openly gay; as is Derrick Gordon, a sophomore starter for the University of Massachusetts men's basketball team; Ty Herndon and Billy Gilman, two country music stars … yes, country music … decided to live their lives as gay men out and proud. 

Nate Alfson, a high school, baseball and volleyball coach for a Catholic high school came out as gay and kept his job!

Chip Sarafin, an offensive lineman for the Arizona State football, came out, as did John Fennell, who represented Canada in the luge at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. 

British singer Sam Smith came out with the release of his debut album, In the Lonely Hour, saying the album “is about a guy that I fell in love with last year, and he didn’t love me back.” Tyler Glenn, the lead singer of Neon Trees and a Mormon, also came out; Mitch Eby, a Junior and defensive end for the Chapman University Football team, too.

Federico Díaz, Uruguayan actor and telenovela heartthrob, is now openly gay, along with high school swimming star, Jack Thorne, and Pete Cahall, principal of Washington DC’s Wilson High School who chose the school’s annual Pride Day event to finally tell his students that he is gay. Adam Joseph, Philadelphia meteorologist for 6ABC, announced the birth of his first child, publicly, acknowledged his partner of five years, Karl, and came out as gay.

Brad Thorson, a former college football player and former player for the Arizona Cardinals and Neal Baer, the executive producer and showrunner for CBS' 'Under the Dome' are out and proud; and after years of speculation, rumor, questions, guesses, dreams, Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe came out as gay.

Kristian Nairn, an actor from Game of Thrones, came out, and so did Democratic Arizona State Senator Steve Gallardo, after listening to the arguments for that Arizona anti-LGBT, so-called religious freedom bill;  Matt Kaplon, student and baseball player for Drew University, came out to his team and the world last weekend after being inspired by the coming out story of NCAA basketball player Derek Schell; Brazilian diver, and Olympic hopeful, Ian Matos came out as gay, saying he was inspired by fellow diver Tom Daley’s coming out.

Djuan Trent, Miss Kentucky 2010, came out as lesbian on the heels of that federal judge ruling that Kentucky must recognize same-sex marriages from other states. Marcus Juhlin, a Swedish football player, is gay; so is actress Ellen Page and retired Premier League footballer Thomas Hitzlsperger.

Callan Chythlook-Sifsof, a U.S. snowboarder who missed the cut for Team USA, has come out as lesbian, and Michael Sam said he was gay, making him the first openly gay professional football player in this country.

We’ll be restocking the shelves with kitchen appliances and pamphlets as soon as possibly, because after last year we made need even more!

Politics. 

You cannot keep Obama down; even after that ridiculous 2104 mid-term election fiasco, he is not gonna  sit idly by and let the Republicans run roughshod over this country and try to turn back the clocks to the 1950s, when The Gays were in closets, and women couldn’t chose and racism was fun.

Gossip. I do so loves me some gossip. Paltrow? Loathe you, but you keep me in stitches with your shenanigans. 

Lohan actually made her stage debut and, while the reviews weren’t great, she wasn’t a major screw up … onstage. Off-stage she’s still Party Hardy Lohan. 

And Justin Bieber … I’ve made fun of your size … I’ve called you a talentless hack and a spoiled brat … I giggled when you wet yourself after getting arrested …, I found you obnoxious and ridiculous and just plain sad … That’s all.

Police shootings. And most of the victims are Black. Please try to tell me there isn’t a double standard when Michael Brown, a Black man, gets gunned down in the streets for allegedly stealing some cigars and Eric Garner, a Black man, gets choked to death for selling loose cigarettes, but Julia Shield, a White woman, strapped on armor and drove around a Chattanooga neighborhood shooting at people and police, and was just arrested. 

Explain to me the difference between John Crawford III, a Black man, holding a BB gun in a Wal-Mart and is shot to death by police, but two white men who go into a Wal-Mart, take BB guns off the shelves, load them and then start shooting are simply arrested.

There should be no difference, yet because there seems to be one, we have a lot to talk about in 2015.

It’s been a year of ups and downs, and highs and lows, but, for me, the ups and the highs outweigh the rest. I’m still here, still loved and in love, still Dad to some weird wild wacky pets. Still living in Small-town South Carolina. Okay … that might be a down.

I kid.

Tomorrow, we are off to the Round-The-Way-Gays, Neal and David’s, New Years Day, Newlyweds — three couples in our little group got married last year — and Not-So-Newly-Born Party. It’ll start 2015 just right!

Good News: Kathy Baldock Works To Bridge The Canyon

Last week I posted about an NYT poll I’d seen that said, sometimes, by just talking about LGBT issues to people who might at first glance seem anti-LGBT, we can change their minds; that by just being out and open and our true selves, we can show people their fear and ignorance and intolerance is unnecessary [see that post HERE]

Well, Kath Baldock seems to be a prime example of that and talks about that very idea in her new book, Walking the Bridgeless Canyon. In it, she shares the story of coming into her home one day with her husband as the phone was ringing. Her husband answered and, as she listened to his side of the conversation, she understood that one of his friends had just died of what was then called “The Gay Cancer;” AIDS. And she remembers feeling dispassionate and judgmental; she thought that the way you contracted that cancer was through having gay sex, so death was, as she saw it, “foreseeable” and could therefore be avoided if gay men just stopped having sex. For her it was very black and white: stop being gay and you won’t die.

Shortly thereafter, Kathy went though her own upheaval, a divorce and a new life, though she says her faith, and her beliefs, never changed. But she started to walk, both physically and spiritually, as a result of the changes in her life, and it was while walking that things really began to change for her.

Along the canyon trail that she hiked regularly, Kathy passed the same woman every day walking in the opposite direction; Kathy sensed that this woman was very different than herself; she thought this woman was a lesbian. Out of the blue, Kathy asked the other woman if they could walk together, and as they did, Kathy came to realize that she no longer needed to “save a soul,” that she could just ‘be’ and that some of those souls she thought needed to be saved, did not need it at all.

The walk became an everyday thing with Kathy and her new friend Netto. Through Netto, Kathy met more LGBT community members, and she began to see that those gay faces were just the same as her; and she began to listen … Netto told Kathy that she could never feel safe in the places Kathy frequented, with the people Kathy knew:

“Look Kathy, you don’t understand. In this society, I’m the lowest of the low. I am a Native American. I am a woman of color. I have a Hispanic last name. I am lesbian. Not even God loves me.”

Those last words hit Kathy the hardest. She had broken through the powerful truth that happens when regressive Christian dogma meets an actual living breathing LGBT person — the dogma falls apart.

And so, over the course of the next several years, Kathy wrote Walking the Bridgeless Canyon and began to bring together her LGBT friends and her Christian faith. Her book shares stories of Christians who were led to challenge their prejudices after they got to know The Gays; her book is a kind of history of the culture of the LGBT movement, the political and religious evolutions, the scientific facts of being gay, and of what the Bible really says about homosexuality, which, in reality, is really nothing at all.

One of Kathy’s key objectives is to fling open the closed gates of Christianity and make it accessible to those LGBT people who want it, and make it friendly again to those LGBT people who have endured its abuses.

And because of her own journey, because of that one day when she asked a fellow hiker if they could walk together, Kathy has created ways for Christians to respect their LGBT neighbors, one of which is recognizing that the LGBT person may already have a “journey with Jesus,” and does not need to be saved; she wants Christians to realize that LGBT people need to be respected and heard, and not simply dismissed with a wave of the hand and a, “You couldn’t have been ‘born gay’.”

Today Kathy Baldock is still working to make Christians understand that there is nothing to fear from The Gays, that we are all a lot more alike than we are different, and she has taken on some of the more vehemently anti-gay “preachers” and speakers, like Michael Brown, Robert Gagnon, Anne Paulk, and Scott Lively.

In fact, she recently smuggled a gay man into the church lead by “Pastor” Steven Anderson, who believes gay people should be executed; Anderson had recently declared that there would never be a gay person in his church and yet, courtesy of Kathy Baldock, that statement is just another of Anderson’s lies. Kathy believes that the hold pastors like Anderson have on American Christianity is not a good one:

“Unfortunately the list of Christians with literal, fear-inspired theology seems endless. Aside from the ugly street screamers, I’ve personally experienced interaction/meeting many who, in their zeal, are convinced they are flawless in their biblical interpretations and speak for God while doing significant damage to the emotional, physical and spiritual well-being of the LGBT community.”

Today, Kathy Baldock, who once believed that a gay cancer was your own fault, works to fight against gay reparative therapies. She realizes now that being gay is just another way of being, and she is proving the point, that when people who have some sort of anti-gay bias actually meet a gay person, many times — not all the time, I am no Pollyanna — their views change. But they will never change if we don’t come out; they’ll never change is we sit in silence; they’ll never change if we don’t talk.

Talking is the way Kathy Baldock hopes we can bridge that canyon.

via LGBTQ Nation

Good News: Michael Martin Comes Out

There are all kinds of ways to ‘Come Out;’ one of my personal favorites is the way comedian bob Smith described how he decided to come out in his book, the high-larious, Openly Bob. He wanted to do it in one fell swoop, letting the entire family know he was gay, so one Thanksgiving he returned home and during dinner said, “Can someone please pass the potatoes to the homosexual?”

Problem solved. Of course, that was his comic take on Coming Out, but it is just another way to do it. Some people write letters; some just blurt it out. Some show up at a homecoming dance with their boyfriend, which is how Michael Martin, an all-state high school soccer goalie in West Virginia, did it: slow dancing with the homecoming king at a high school dance.

Michael, an 18-year-old senior at Musselman High School realized it would be near impossible to come out in rural West Virginia and it took him a long time to figure it out, but when he did it, he did for all to see, by attending the homecoming dance with Jem at Jem’s school. They started the dance with their female friends who were their "dates" but when the last song came on Michael and Jem danced with one another. Big sigh, I imagine. And then two weeks later they repeated the dance at Michael’s school where the two young men once again danced all night.

And that was that; out.  

“When I started to talk with Jem I was comfortable with myself and wasn't ashamed like I was in years past. For me to be happy, though, I needed to come out. I didn't want to hide how I really was any more. I didn't want to live every day with a secret hanging over my head. I told my team before my own parents. My family was not accepting at first but is starting to come around and support me. I just had to keep telling them that I can't change who I am and that I am the same teenager that I was before.”

So, enjoy the dance Michael, it only gets better from here on in, because now you’re you, and not some secret, shameful version. You are just another soccer player, just another young man, who happens to be gay.

“I have learned that being gay does not mean you are a lesser of a human being. If I can come out in a small town in West Virginia and be accepted, and dance with the homecoming king, it shows things are changing. I hope my performances and story help inspire other gay teens to show their true colors and not be afraid to play the sport they love.”

And now you can dance with whomever you want, so Welcome Out. And as our gift to you, we here at HOMO HQ would like to send you the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out.

OutSports

Photo by Jeremiah Carver

My Two Cents: Come Out, Speak Out, And Minds Can Be Changed

I am all about coming out. I want every LGBT person out, and out now, because I seriously believe, and seriously know, that if we were to all come out then most of this anti-LGBT bias would simply fade away because it would be clear that we are everywhere; we live next door to you; we work alongside you; we worship beside you, sit at the bar with you, go to the movies with you.

We’re like the Visa card: we’re everywhere you want to be.

And once everyone realizes that The Gays are not so very different from everyone else — except in whom we love — then maybe a lot of this intolerance and ignorance and fear will dissipate. Oh sure, I’m no Pollyanna about this, I know there will still be those thumping their Bibles about Adam and Steve, and Leviticus, but I think the majority of people will simply look at The Gays and say, “Oh, I see it now” and then move along.

I’ve seen it happen in my own life. I’ve seen people change their views on The Gays once realizing that I am ‘One.’ They see that I’m not the stereotype, the joke; I’m not something to fear, I’m just Bob, who happens to be married to Carlos. The few times in my life where people have not been accepting, who have turned their backs on me for being gay, are from people who are entrenched in their so-called faith; they think God is, if not hate, then intolerance. But, when we do come out — and we do it all the time … we recently changed grocery stores and are now The Gay Couple at Food Lion — it does seem to change minds.

We experienced this with our new neighbors recently. Carlos, the MasterBaker of our house — I’d swear, he’d be MasterBaking right now if he wasn’t at work — made a lovely loaf of Orange-Cranberry Bread to take over to the new neighbor’s home. At their door, the husband answered, and he was a little taken aback by ‘Bob and Carlos’ but he said ‘Thanks’ and took the bread and closed the door; all very politely.

Oh well, we thought, his loss, because we’re nice neighbors; but, cut to the next night when his wife came over — she wasn’t home the Day of the Bread — to thank us and talk with us and tell us about herself and her family, and listen to us about ours.

It’s that simple; coming out, living life, being yourself, people understand. Though, for a lot of folks, this whole anti-LGBT thing is about the “sex” because, you know, The Gays are all about “the Sex.” We do it all the time, every second of every day, everywhere, anywhere — heck, I could be doing it right now and typing at the same time because we gays are quite adept at multi-tasking … but I digress.

Years back, and I know you’ve heard some of this before but bear with me, I met Carlos online. We chatted online, emailed back and forth, and then went to The Phones. We lived on opposite coasts, so I’d call him when I got up in the morning, just as he’d be arriving at work, and he’d call me late in the evening just as I was getting home from work. This went on for a couple of months and then I had vacation time, so off to Miami I flew.

A hop skip and a jump later, it was love. The next month, Carlos came to California to visit me, meet my friends and family. We arrived at my parent’s house and my Mom — who loved Carlos instantly, mainly because her son loved him — told us we’d be in the bedroom at the top of the stairs.

I was kind of shocked, because I’d kind of expected my parents to keep us in separate rooms, as they had done with my sister and her boyfriends and my brother and his girlfriends. But, we shared the room at the top of the stairs, and, years later, after Carlos and I were officially a couple, living to together in  Miami, my mother told me that my father wasn’t exactly pleased that we were sharing a room because, he wondered, “What were they doing up there?”

My mom explained that, most likely, we’d be sleeping, but even if we weren’t, did my father ever wonder what my sister and her, now husband, were doing  ‘up there’?

That’s when my Dad realized that what Carlos and I had, and have, is not just sex; it’s the same things he’d felt with my Mom when they were dating, and when they got married; the only difference is that it wasn’t Bob and Sue — my mom and dad — it was Bob and Carlos. Same love, same gender, but no real difference.

All of this leads to a point — and I do have one — which is this: gay people need to come out.

I recently read an article in the New York Times which seemed to prove exactly what I’ve been saying: that if we all come out, and simply live our lives openly, and talk about ourselves like everyone else talks about their lives and loves, then  world will change for us.

The NYT article talks about a study has come out that which suggests that something as simple as a twenty minute conversation about a controversial and personal issue — in the case of the study, it was a gay person talking to straight people about same-sex marriage — can spark a change in attitude that is not only a lasting change, but also seems to spread from there.

It’s like the telephone game, only with acceptance.

The study, led by Michael LaCour of UCLA, tested whether or not a door-to-door campaign run by the Los Angeles LGBT Center would produce a change of attitude, a change in acceptance of the LGBT community in general, and same-sex marriage in particular. The study, begun in 2008, after the passage of California’s marriage ban, Prop 8, sent canvassers into neighborhoods that had come out strongly in favor of the proposition to talk about marriage equality.

The experiment, or study, mimicked a drug trial; the researchers recruited voters from these precincts, surveyed their attitudes — including those on same-sex marriage — and then randomly assigned them to receive either the “treatment” or a placebo.

The “treatment” was a knock on the door and a conversation, initiated by either an openly gay canvasser or a straight one; the “placebo” was either a talk about recycling or no canvassing at all.

The result: 20% of the voters who were chatted up about marriage equality shifted their positions to being pro-same-sex marriage, and it worked whether the canvasser was gay or straight; it was just the simplicity of the conversation.

It’s like Harvey Milk said, forty years ago, and it still holds true today:

“Gay brothers and sisters ... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake.”

It’s the only way change can truly happen; it’s the only path toward understanding and acceptance. Sure, there will be some who will still seek to deny us rights, who will still see us as less than, as an abomination. But their numbers will dwindle while acceptance and understanding grows.

Come out. Come out already.

study at NYT

Children ... There Is Hope In Children

A teacher in England, who just happens to be gay, was speaking to his class as a part of the school’s anti-bullying week, and asked his students if any of them had ever heard the word ‘gay’ used as an insult.

Nearly every student raised their hand.

Then he asked who thought that people who were gay or lesbian were bad or wrong in some way.

Again almost every hand went up.

He spoke to the head of the school, and they both agreed that he could, and should, tell his class that he was gay so that they all knew at least one gay person and then begin to stop using that word, and ask others to stop, because when they did they were talking about their teacher.

His students’ reaction was as expected: some gasps, some shocked looks, some questions — Do you have a boyfriend — and then it was over and back to business as usual.

Then he got “the” letter from one of his students, a nine-year old girl:

Dear Mr R

Even though you’re gay, I will always treat you the same way as I do now. I still think about you the same way as I used to. You’re a great teacher and these are just some of the word’s that I would describe you as: great, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, awesome and brave.

The reason why I say brave is because you shared a personal secret which was very brave.

You don’t have to feel scared because I know that everyone in the class feels the same way as I do.

From A x x

He read it, and then wiped the tears from his eyes and thanked her for it. She said something that one of the boys in class had said during the anti-bullying lesson before going back to her seat:

‘It’s just your life.’

Children. There is hope in the children.

via Pink News

Ty Herndon Comes Out ... Then Billy Gilman Does, Too

After nearly two decades in country music and after nearly twenty years of speculation over his sexual orientation, Ty Herndon has come out as gay:

"I have an awesome relationship that I've been in for a good number of years. I] love him very much and he loves me."

Herndon was married twice in the past and revealed that both is ex-wives knew he was gay when they married him; sounds like marriages of convenience to stave off the rumors of his homosexuality.

"I had a lot of people around me that I trusted at a time and I was like, 'Hey, you know this about me but the world doesn't. So I'm gonna need to call on your services for a little while.' It was unfortunate that I had to do that, but I felt that's what I had to do to have my career. Standing on some pretty solid legs today, so I get to tell my truth today."

Truth. That’s what it means; being able to be yourself, love yourself, and let everyone know exactly who you are, damn the torpedoes.

"I've dreamed about being in country music since I was 6 years old. It's my life, it’s what I do, it's who I am, and I went to great lengths to cover up that fact to be to be a country star."

Rumors began circulating about Herndon's sexuality back in 1995, when an undercover male police officer alleged that Herndon exposed himself in a park where he’d gone to buy crystal meth:

"I wish I had really great recall or memory about that. I think I had been up for like 6 days doing drugs the night and the day was really a huge blur for me."

Now fully clean and sober, Herndon is looking forward to a future with Matt, his partner of five years.

Happiness, truthfulness; it’s all in those two words: I‘m gay.

And then, hours later, it happened again …

On the heels of Ty Herndon’s coming out, fellow country music performer Billy Gilman announced that he, too, is gay.

He had his Coming Out on YouTube, and during the five-and-a-half-minute long video, Gilman credited his friend Ty Herndon for making his road a little easier to follow. But, at the same time, he talked about the mere rumor that he might be gay hurt his career, and likely cost him a record deal:

“I threw a showcase in Nashville, and no major label showed. … It’s difficult for me to make this video, not because I’m ashamed of being a gay male artist, or a gay artist or a gay person, but it’s pretty silly to know that I’m ashamed of doing this knowing that I’m in a genre and an industry that’s ashamed of me for being me.”

Several months ago, a reporter took a picture of Gilman and his partner. He says at that moment he knew what he needed to do.

“It was in that moment that I knew that I’d rather it be from me, than you reading it from somewhere else. I can honestly say I’m scared to death.”

Scared, sure, because you never know what the future holds for you, especially in the country music arena.

I mean, look at it: it appears that Ty Herndon was encouraged to get married twice to maintain a heterosexual image; it seems that just the rumor that Billy Gilman was gay stopped him from signing with a major Nashville record label even though he’d been a very popular child star in country music.

And then there’s Chely Wright.

In the late 90's, after years of singing in Nashville, Chely Wright had her first Number One country hit, "Single White Female".  She followed that up with three other top 10 hits and sold over a million singles in the United States. She made her first appearance at the Grand Ole Opry on September 16th, 1989 and made many subsequent appearances, especially after having that Number One. But, since coming out as gay in 2010, Chely Wright she has not once been invited back to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, even though she was considered a regular, pre-2010.

The good news is, that may be changing, slowly. Ty Herndon notes that he’s seeing increased support for gay country singers, and the LGBT community in Nashville and Country Music:

"Traditionally in country music, we don't see a lot of support for the LGBT community, but that's changing so much. Nashville is changing so much. I mean my goodness… Kacey Musgraves won Song of the Year for [the lyrics] 'follow your arrow, wherever it points' and two amazing songwriters that happened to be gay wrote that song."

So, maybe there is hope that gay country artists can record music, can be openly gay, and can be invited back to the Grand Ole Opry.

Failing that, at least allow the good folks at Homo HQ to offer a big “Howdy” and a “Welcome Out” to Ty and Billy, and to make sure they receive the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out, boys, welcome out.

Ty Herndon

Billy Gilman

Wedding Week Repost: Shake The Etch-A-Sketch

As we are now winging our way west to tie the noose, er, knot, I have decided to do some reposting for the week. 

This particular post first  appeared Wednesday, December 03, 2008 just a scant few weeks after I'd started this blog. It's a little piece about me, who I was, how I met Carlos, and how this all started.

So, without further ado ....

Shake the Etch-a-Sketch

We all do it; follow that line we set up for ourselves. We plod a course, the straight and narrow some might say, and then walk that line toward a particular destination we've imagined we want. And every so often we twist the knobs, and set out on a course of curves and newness, moving in a direction we hadn't thought of before, but it's a slow curve, not dangerous, you can still see where you're going. We might not like it, but we can always go back.

But what about shaking the Etch-a-Sketch? What about saying, screw that line, damn that curve. Let me hold on tight, both hands, and shake things up.

See, I was an Etch-a-Sketch person. I followed the line that I thought I was meant to follow. I didn't stray too far off the path; who am I kidding, I never strayed off the path. But then it hit me, follow the path, that straight line or that gentle curve, and where are you going? Toward another straight line, one more gentle curve? What was that all about?

My first shake was telling my parents I was gay. That was a big shake at the time, although now it seems more of a 'so what.' But I thought it was a big deal because I didn't have a real life reference point on what it meant to be gay. What were the rules? Was there a uniform? Did I have to pay dues? What was it? See, in my family there were no 'funny uncles' or 'aunts in plaid' that I could see; that I could say, "Hey, I'm like that, so it must be okay." The only gay men I knew were the limp-wristed types on TV shows and in the movies. They wore ascots and paisley jackets, were sarcastic and alone. Terry-Thomas? No, not me. Uncle Arthur, I was not....at least I didn't think so.

So I shook the Etch-a-Sketch and came out. No one died. No one fainted. My family didn't disown me. I lost a few friends, but then I think they weren't really friends to begin with if "I'm gay" causes them to disappear. I'm gay.....Poof.....you're gone. It's like a homo David Copperfield. Now, of course, I was gay and yet I still followed that straight line that had been set before me; I'll save you the horror of joking about me following a 'straight' line. It's been done.

Then about eight-and-a-half years ago, I gave the Etch-a-Sketch a gentle nudge. I got a computer.....yes; I was late to the game...one step behind. But I got a computer and then started looking around the Internet. I was on AOL and went into a chat room--Gay Lifestyles, I think it was called. It was a fun chatty room where you could be gay, where you could step off the line a bit because no one really knew you.

Then I met Carlos in that chat room. And we started to online chat. The lines jogged a bit off-course for me. We began to call one another; he was in Miami, I was in California. Then I bumped the Etch-a-Sketch and told Carlos I wanted to meet him. He was thrilled and plans were made for me to fly to Miami in July. JULY? IN MIAMI? Oy! What was I thinking?

But I bought the tickets and readied myself to take a sharp turn. I've split my life into Old Bob and New Bob. See, Old Bob would have bought the tickets to Miami, told everyone he was going, and got on the plane. But then when it made a stop in Houston, Old Bob would get off the plane, find a Motel 6, and spend the week there. Then he'd return home and tell everyone that Carlos was 'okay.' The trip was 'fine.' I'd ignore Carlos' phone calls and stay off the computer. I'd go back to following that line.

But New Bob didn't do that. New Bob flew to Miami and met Carlos and spent a wonderful week in Florida. New Bob fell in love with Carlos and cried at the airport when he had to go home. New Bob's Etch-a-Sketch was shaking. And it was okay; twists and jogs in the oath weren't anything to fear.

A month after I came home, Carlos came to California and we did Meet The Family. I was so happy to have him there; so happy that my family liked him; my friends, too. But then he was gone home again and I wondered what would happen next.

It wasn't but a few weeks before I hurled the Etch-a-Sketch across the room and chose to follow the path I chose, not one that was arbitrarily set out for me. Carlos and I made plans for me to move to Miami. I sold a car, some furniture, some knickknacks; I got rid of my apartment and quit my job.

Every once in a while, you gotta Shake the Etch-a-Sketch.

Daniel Pierce Gays It Forward

Coming out can be easy — for me it was, my father’s response, “I love you very much.” — or it can be hard and harder. For Daniel Pierce, a 20-year-old Georgia man, it was the hardest of all because, simply by sharing with his religious parents his long kept secret, he was kicked out of his home.

We all know this because Daniel secretly filmed the moment he was disowned by his family for being gay, and the subsequent upload to YouTube went viral, seen by almost two million viewers in two days.

In the video a woman, believed to be Daniel’s mother, is heard saying: 'I have known that you were gay since you were a tiny boy … You have made a choice from what you've told your daddy. You can deny all you want to but I believe in the word of God and he does not create anybody that way.'

Daniel tries explaining that he knows her was born gay, but his family, his family, will not listen to him, and his mother says, 'You will need to move out and find whenever you can to live. Because I will not let anyone believe that I condone what you want to do. … You told me on the phone that you made that choice. You know you wasn't born that way. You know good and well you made that choice. … 'You know that your father has done everything he can to raise you. He didn't need to blame himself.'

Daniel’s clip — entitled 'How not to react when your child tells you that he's gay' — prompted hundreds of responses from around the world, nearly all supportive and nearly all wanting to help.

His boyfriend set up a GoFundMe page to help Daniel with living expenses after he was kicked out of his home.

"I didn't realize that this was even set up for me. I don't even know how to thank y'all. I wish I could give each and every one of you a huge hug. I was trying to respond to everyone but I couldn't keep up. Thank you."— Daniel Ashley Pierce

But it wasn’t just the money that poured in, it was also the strangers commenting, offering support, that shocked Daniel; his own family kicked him out and now strangers were standing up with him and for him.

"Be proud of yourself, it takes a lot of courage to do a thing like that. I lived in a hell like that for five years and I can completely understand you, go on with your own life and don't let them break your dreams."—Robert Randazzo

“I would never treat my child the way you have been treated. My mother is Christian and when my brother 'came out' she accepted it with love and told him that his actions and sexuality are between him and God. It is both sad and inspiring that strangers have shown more love and support than your own family."—Rebecca Hall

But what happened next is possibly the greatest thing of all.

The GoFundMe page raised nearly $100,000 for Daniel to move out, be on his own, and start a new life, but now Daniel has asked that people stop giving him money. He wants people to donate the money they wanted for him to an organization called Lost'N'Found, which is renovating a building to serve as a homeless shelter for LGBT youth and, so far, some $10,000 from Daniel’s supporters has been raised; the group plans to open the shelter in the spring of 2015.

So many of us, after coming out, lose our families and our friends to homophobia and religious intolerance, and so we turn to others to create our own families; families who love us, accept us, help us on with our lives. Family is not always who you are born into; sometimes it’s who you find out there along the way.

When Daniel's own family turned their backs on him he found a family of strangers waiting to help. And now he's becoming family for another group of strangers as well.

That’s called Gaying It Forward. 

sources:

Daily Kos

Daily Mail