Would You Hit It?

Ryan Guzman. He was in Step Up Revolution--never saw it--Pretty Little Liars--never saw it--Always Woodstock--never saw it-- and Beyond Paradise--never saw it.

He's also making news by being in the new Jennifer Lopez movie--which, for some reason, didn't go Direct to Video On Demand--The Boy Next Door--never gonna see it--as her love interest. There's also talk that maybe he's her real life boy.

But that's not what this is about. This is ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No. 

Random Musings

Still loving Obama’s “I won both of them” from the other night, and loving the fact that, as much as the GOP tries to portray him as a Muslim illegal immigrant, he keeps going and going and, well, gosh darn, people are liking him, again.

His poll numbers are at 50% approval rating.

Another snap at the GOP!

Speaking of Obama’s SOTU the other night:

Bobby Jindal's Nit-Twit response? 'Your welcome.? He could’a used some free community college, no?

On to American Horror Story …

After this season Jessica Lange is said to be leaving and creator Ryan Murphy has announced that the show will reinvent itself—something I thought it did every season.

I am liking Freak Show, but it is kind of ‘kitchen sink’-ish in that they just keep throwing more into it, when sometimes less is more, and better.

Twisty the Clown? Gone too soon.

Frances Conroy? Gone too soon.

And they kind of wasted Angela Basset and Gabourey Sidibe this season, though I did like the links between Freak Show and Asylum; that was cool.

That said, i liked the finale; I liked the way they tied up some of the characters' storylines; i liked the way Elsa went out; and, of course, Dandy in his Tighty Whities is always a treat!.

Speaking of TV, we like Grimm …

The stories are interesting, and different, and, well, David Giuntoli is easy on the eyes. But last week there was a new cop, a kinda bad cop, on the show, played by Will Rothhaar.

Totes adorbs. But, seeing as he’s a bad guy, I imagine he will be dying soon.

Also back on TV, the entirely swoon-worthy Timothy Olyphant is back for the last season of Justified.

Man.Candy.

I am infuriated by all the backlash against people who have come out against Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper, calling it, as Michael Moore did, a propaganda film for war; or Seth Rogen, who also bashed the film.

That sent the likes of Dean Cain into a frenzy, and he called Rogen out for never have gone to war, which lead me to wonder: Dean? Which war did you fight in?

Also fuming at Moore and Rogen were the Mama Grizzly Bore™ and Rob Lowe, who seem to have forgotten that men like U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle — the American Sniper portrayed in the film — fought for the rights of Americans, including the right not to like a movie.

Siddown you three.

Also on TV last week was an episode of Glee, now limping along in its last season, The show started off good and fun and cute, then veered off into the ridiculous, though every so often they come along with an episode that makes you think.

Like last week when Coach Bieste announced that she was transgender and was undergoing gender reassignment. A lot of folks don’t ‘get’ what it means to be transgender, and equate it with being gay or lesbian or bisexual only. The question was posed to Coach Bieste, assigned the female gender at birth, if she would be a gay man after the surgery, and Coach Bieste replied:

"It's not about who I go to bed with, it's about who I go to bed as."

I think that is one of the best responses to the question of what transgender means as I have ever heard.

The White House State Of The Union luncheon is an annual tradition and every year dignitaries and news personalities are invited to join the President in a pre-speech feast. But this year’s lunch featured a delightful jab at the folks at Fox news, and a bit of a reality check.

According to Fox News’ Shepherd Smith,  he noticed something a little strange about the place cards on the tables:

“I sat next to Brian Williams, we all have these place cards, and his said ‘Brian Williams NBC News.’  Across from me was the new guy, David Muir, it said ‘David Muir ABC News.’  Over next to the President was Scott Pelley and it said ‘Scott Pelley ABC News.’  I looked at mine, and it doesn’t say anything about news, it just says ‘Fox.’  And I looked at Bret Baier’s and it just said ‘Bret Baier Fox.’  But all the rest of them got ‘News.’ I mean I don’t care, lunch was great.  But, uh, I guess there’s a message received. “

The message, Shep, is that Fox is not News and everyone knows it.

WTF? Emily Blunt

I have always liked Emily Blunt; loved her in The Devil Wears Prada and The Five-Year Engagement. And, well, to be fair, I think her hubby, John Krasinski is adorable.

What isn't adorable is this Spanish Whorehouse Lampshade contraption. i mean, the bell shaped floral skirt, the mesh pieces, the boob bouquets. the flamenco shoes and the Frida Kahlo hair.

No es bueno, Emily.

So, to make myself feel better, here's a little John Krasinski ... ahhhh.

Would You Hit It?

Armie Hammer.

He played twins in The Social Network, so it was kinda double your pleasure. And he was in J. Edgar, though not as one of J's lovers. he then made a sad detour and rode into the wild west with Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger.

But who cares about all that ....

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Sidenote: he almost made WTF? with that suit, but, yeah, i think he worked it out.

Random Musings

After the terrorist attack that left several people dead last week, this week satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo issued a new magazine, with yet another caricature of the prophet Mohammed on the cover.

Translation: All is forgiven.

The magazine, which normally sells around 30,000 copies a week, had an initial run of three million, which was subsequently upped to five million after copies were being snapped up all over the place.

Freedom of Speech lives. Je suis Charlie.

So, the other night I was watching Marry Me, a moderately funny show created by the same guy who created the very funny, and sadly canceled, Happy Endings. Still, Marry Me is good, and there are some bits of irreverence and truly funny moments like …

The week’s episode was about couples having a ‘show,’ a favorite show they watch together. And it was about how, maybe, half the couple watched the show without their other half, but what made me giggle was the gay dads on the show, and how they watch TV.

The one gay dad, Kevin, played by Tim Meadows, watched his ‘couples’ show without his husband, also Kevin, played by Dan Bucatinsky, because Dan’s Kevin was always asking so many questions that Tim’s Kevin couldn’t watch the show.

That’s me and Carlos.

We’re watching a show and Carlos will say, Oooh that’s a nice lamp or I thought she was dead or Wasn’t he in that movie we saw? You know, that movie? And I will have to stop the DVR, answer the question and then try to catch up with the story.

So, I made Carlos watch the scene and told him that was us, and he said, Which one are you?

I’m the black guy! I said. I’m black!

I imagine our neighbors wondered what the hell was going on in The Big Gay House.

PS Carlos said, Was there a Black guy?

Oy.

Good news on the Gays In Ads front: Tiffany has released a new print ad that is chic and clean and beautiful, featuring a gorgeous couple who is newly engaged.

The only difference is that the couple is composed of two men, making them the first gay couple ever featured in a Tiffany’s engagement campaign. Even better, the couple in the ad is a real-life New York couple.

The march goes on ….

Okay, so I watched Empire on Fox last week, Now, I am not a particular fan of rap or hip-hop so I wondered if I’d like the show that was dubbed Nashville Goes Hip Hop. But, it was also called Urban Dynasty so I was intrigued. 

Plus there were some hot mens in the piece, like Jussie Smollett and Rafael de la Fuente, who play a gay couple, and Trai Byers who is a piece of prime beefcake.

It also stars Taraji P. Henson in a standout role as cookie; Cookie is a spitfire, fresh from prison, wanting what’s hers and when Henson is onscreen you don’t see anyone else. She is amazing.

Sadly, it also stars Terrence Howard, playing smug and smarmy.

Check it out for the beefcake and stay for Cookie.

So, Pope Francis will be visiting the Philippines soon and with so many people on the streets, and so many traffic enforcers — some 2,000 — needed to keep things running smoothly, there was the question of what to do when nature calls? Leave your post and head for the loo? Oh hell no.

Those 2,000 traffic enforcers who will be on duty during the Pope’s visit will be required to wear adult diapers, according to Metropolitan Manila Development Authority chairman Francis Tolentino, who even encouraged people waiting to see Frankie to also wear diapers.

Oh lord. Imagine the changing tables in the restrooms. Oy.

In WTF news: McCleish Christmas Benham, the passenger who went on a drunken, violent, anti-gay rampage caught on video at DFW International Airport last fall will pay just $474 in fines.

Benham assaulted two people while yelling anti-gay epithets, before other passengers tackled him to the ground and he was arrested. He was charged with public intoxication and simple assault.

He had pleaded no contest — meaning he admitted he was guilty — but failed to appear in court which lead to the fines. The lesson learned: beat up a gay in an airport while shouting homophobic slurs and you just pay a fine. 

Don’t mess with Texas … better yet, don’t go to Texas.

Oh, the showtune queen in me is all atwitter.

There have been rumors that a  movie version of the hit Broadway musical Wicked: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz  going around ever since the show opened eleven years ago, but now, well, it seems like it may actually happen.

Producer Marc Platt has said that a film version of Wicked could be in theaters by next year … even if the movie hasn’t been officially greenlighted yet. Steven Daldry, who directed The Hours, is said to be on board, but we, and by we I mean me, er, I, need to remember that it took 30 years to get Les Miz from stage to screen, and 27 years to get Into The Woods on film.

Still, 2016? I’m getting in line now with my Wicked t-shirt, my Wicked cap, and my Wicked mug.

Yes, I am that queen.

Out west, the Ninth Circuit of Appeals has denied Idaho Governor Butch Otter’s petition for an en banc review of the court’s decision to strike down Idaho’s same-sex marriage ban.

Still, Otter has promised that he would continue to fight against marriage equality in Idaho until he was left with no other options.

Good luck with that … dick.

In other movie news, Matt Bomer, My-Husband-In-My-Head and recent Golden Globe winner for the Normal Heart, is set to play closeted gay actor Montgomery Clift in a new HBO film.

Clift starred in classic films like The Heiress, Red River, From Here to Eternity and Judgment at Nuremberg. He died of a heart attack in 1965 at the age of 45.

It should be a great pairing of Bomer and Clift.

Again, the queen in me cannot wait!

In the wake of the attack at Charlie Hebdo last week, Congressman Randy Weber, of Texas of course, Tweeted a disgusting attack on President Barack Obama, offending what appears to be the vast majority of people who saw his tweet:

Of course, Weber was just goose-stepping along with Fox News by dragging the President through the mud for not marching in the Paris Unity Rally last weekend—and for the record, I think Obama should have been there, but I would never have compared him to Hitler, you know, because I’m not an asshat.

Weber left his stupid Tweet up for almost a day while people replied to him, calling him out on his ridiculous behavior, and then he apologized … kind of:

“I need to first apologize to all those offended by my tweet. It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler. The mention of Hitler was meant to represent the face of evil that still exists in the world today. I now realize that the use of Hitler invokes pain and emotional trauma for those affected by the atrocities of the Holocaust and victims of anti-Semitism and hate."

He didn’t mean to compare Obama to Hitler in a Tweet in which he compares Obama to Hitler?

Siddown Weber, you’re just another racist Texas congressman who spends most of his time kissing the ass of Fox News.

Oh, and where was your apology to the man you offended most of all, the President?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

In other political news, the 114th Congress took office this week and the Lunatics Running The Asylum, AKA Teabaggers, no time in introducing plethora of f**kery, like:

Rep. Steve King, Iowa, introduced a resolution to repeal the Sixteenth Amendment, which authorizes Congress to levy income tax. King also introduced a resolution to repeal the Affordable Care Act … again!

Rep. Mo Brooks, Alabama, introduced a resolution to authorize Congress to sue to the president for "actions inconsistent" with his duties regarding immigration laws.

Rep. Tom Rice, of South Carolina … sigh … introduced a resolution to authorize the House to sue any member of the executive branch who "oversteps their authority" regarding immigration laws. 

Rep. Robert Anderholt, also Alabama, introduced a resolution to repeal any executive order regarding immigration reform and "restore" such actions to the federal legislature.

Rep. Bob Goodlatte, Virginia, introduced a resolution to "terminate" the Internal Revenue Code.

Rep. Andy Barre, Kentucky, introduced a resolution that would limit members of the Senate to serving two consecutive terms and limit members of the House to serving six consecutive terms; okay, I like that one.

Rep. Trent Franks, Arizona, introduced a resolution to make it a felony punishable by five years in prison to perform an abortion on a woman carrying a "pain-capable" fetus.

Rep. Todd Young, Indiana, introduced a resolution to raise the threshold for classification as a full-time worker from 30 hours per week to 40 hours per week, which would mean the end of mandated health insurance for everybody who works fewer than 40 hours, which means F**K you Middle class..

It’s gonna be a rough couple of years with the Rightwingnuts in the House … and Senate.

Randy Thomas, a former vice-president of ex-gay group Exodus International, is now embracing the fact that he’s a big old queen and showing us, once again, that being gay is not a choice and reparative therapy is a sham. He says, now:

“I have read many stories of people who have ‘come out again’ or accepted they are gay after some time in the ex-gay world. Many of their stories are compelling and well-written. But, sometimes I wish they would get to the point right off the bat. Just say it and then tell the story. So that is what I am going to do: I am gay.”

I’d say Welcome Out, and I might give you a gift or two, but after all the harm you’ve inflicted by being a self-loathing closeted queer, you don’t need a gift.

You need to give us a gift and simply go away and be gay and quiet.

Bob's Golden Globe's Fashion Round-Up! YeeHaw!

MY BEST

Julianne Moore; she takes risks with fashion, and sometimes bombs. Recently she wore a bright yellow, turtle-necked, long-sleeved ball gown made of neoprene … I know. But this silver sequined, ombré number, trimmed in feathers was avant-garde and haute couture and fabulous!

THE BEST

Clockwise from top left

Emma Stone; I love her sense of humor, and that she knows the Globes aren’t some stuffy Oscars ceremony, so why not play it up with a fun jumpsuit and giant bow? Loved it.

Jessica Chastain; she usually goes a bit more demure, but really rocked a shiny copper plunging neckline. And she knows how to do that old Hollywood glamour hair. Take note Alison Williams.

Diane Kruger was chic and cool and modern, like a Grace Kelly for the new millennia.

Lupita Nyong’o usually rocks the carpet and this is no exception; flirty, fun, flowers, shows she was there to have a good time.

VERY GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Emily Blunt looked like a Grecian Goddess with a simple cut-out. It’s very good, but not great.

Gina Rodriguez; I don’t usually like those dresses with the see-thru pieces at the bottom, but this one moved well and seemed fun and wasn’t so daring. Plus, Gina Rodriguez won a Globe and just might be the new It Girl in Hollywood.

Heidi Klum looks a little too tan and a little too thin, but after some misfires on the red carpet — including that fringe get-up from the PR she wore — she returns in a stunning red number. Slinky and sexy.

Viola Davis would have scored higher in a different color because she really looks great in all colors, just not this red. I do like the cut and the embellishment and it is Viola so, yeah, it’s Very Good.

Lorde. Good lord! Or Good.Lorde. It was young and fun and fresh and new. She’s no actress up for an award, but a pop star up for an award so she took the pop star cue and worked it.

Kate Beckinsale. She’s very good; she’s always very good. I’d like to see her take more of a risk and I’d like to see her stop wearing that hairdo at every awards show. Still … stunning.

GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Helen Mirren. Even for a woman her age, Helen knows what to cover up and what to show off. And the glitter on the décolletage is perfect.

Jessica Lange. Okay, maybe some folks didn’t like this but, to me, Jessica Lange can do no wrong; no nowhere, not no how!

Taylor Schilling. I usually don’t like ball gowns, and I usually don’t like red, but she kept everything but the dress simple so she looks very chic. Red is the new black for the carpet.

Melissa McCarthy. Say what you will — I heard Schoolmarm — but I like that Melissa McCarthy takes a chance and I think this is fun and cute.

Ruth Wilson. Okay, the fabric is plain, like kitchen curtains, but Ruth gets a Good because of the color — one of the few non-black, non-white, non-red numbers on the carpet — and because she was fabulous in The Affair and deserved to win.

Lena Dunham. Lena generally gets a WTF from me because she looks like a piece of cotton candy, or a giant yellow shuttlecock. But this is cool and simple and structured and not over the top. Good.

M’KAY

Clockwise from top left

Amy Adams. We get it Amy, you’re an actress! But try a little something different. This is perfectly fine but do you really wanna look just fine?

Christine Baranski has a rockin’ bod, and I love the color and the design, but the fabric is just kinda sad. It lacks pizzazz!

Kerry Washington loves her color-blocking but this is a bit too stiff and too long or too short and the fabric looks like the fabric some people use on cat beds so it they pee the urine won’t be absorbed. Seriously, that was my first thought.

Felicity Jones has the same problem as Baranski. It’ a fabulous dress — from the back you could see the hundreds of buttons — but the color and the fabric choice are kind of drab.

MEH

Clockwise from top left

Anna Faris. Okay, so she brought her newly hot husband Chris Pratt so maybe that’s why she chose this subdued sequin number that looks more negligee than night out.

Felicity Huffman. She looks fabulous … if this was a Golden Globes luncheon. It’s not.

Jennifer Aniston. Gosh she wants an award so bad that she gave no thought to the dress, with its too high slit and weird cummerbund looking thing. Plus a little more hair might have been nice, but I get it, she’s trying to show she’s a serious actress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss always plays safe. Sleek dress, sleek hair. It’s enough.

Sienna Miller. Now, as a gay man, I still like some boobs, and had Sienna had boobs, this might have been a better choice; as it is, it looks like a very expensive apron.

Reese Witherspoon. The movie for which she was nominated was wild. This dress is Yawn.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Okay, you know it’s the Globes so you pick and flesh-tone strapless number. And you know you’ll be suiting for a long time so you wear a dress that wrinkles. Stop.

Katie Holmes. The dress is pretty enough, but it’s that cheap pony tail extension that bothered me and the fact that when she appeared to present, everything about her, mouth, eyes, and head, tilt when she talks.

BAD

Clockwise from top left

Amanda Peet. So, your original dress was ruined so you bedazzled a bed sheet? Seriously?

Anna Kendrick. This dress has the measles. Plus, Anna Kendrick never looks like an actress or whatever; every time I see her I think she works at my grocery store.

Salma Hayek. The dress is nice. The little matching handbag is not. And that thing in her hair? She’s trying too hard to be Cute Bride and it doesn’t work.

Keira Knightley. This is haute couture Chanel, and I’m guessing the good people at Chanel, knowing Knightley was pregnant thought it might be fun to use diapers as trim because that’s what it looks like. Plus, the thing around her neck looks like a bib she’d wear while getting her make-up done to keep it off the dress. I won’ say a word about the butterfly sequins or that giant-assed butterfly on her wrist.

THE WORST

Clockwise from top left

Camilla Alves is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a tablecloth.

Christy Teigen is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a doily tablecloth.

Jennifer Lopez wishes she was a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a duvet cover. But I’ll give her props: not many women could wear that much fabric and still give that much hint-o-vagina and that much boobage.

Julianna Margulies; between the severe, almost Bride of Frankenstein hair, and the stiff, too short dress, well, she ruined it. Plus, take a good look at the dress; see the horizontal seam? It looks like they added fabric to make it longer. Should’a left it short and should’a worn something else.

Rosamund Pike. Does anyone else see the giant V pointing towards her, um, monologue? Plus, girl just had a baby and this is way too much skin; it’s just wrong.

Patricia Arquette always looks like she’s going to Funeral Prom; and the hair? It looks like the way women might wear their hair when they’re putting on make-up before, you know, they actually do their hair.

Maura Tierney is a favorite actress of mine but this is so Rose from The Golden Girls. Even the sheer business at the top can’t make it look young.

Zosia Mamet. It’s sad. Sad shape. Sad color. Sad proportion. Sad girl.

WTF

Clockwise from top left

Catherine Zeta Jones needs to lay off the Botox. The only thing stiffer than Julianna Margulies’ dress was CZJ’s forehead. Plus, why is a women her age — I believe she’s 68 — still wearing ball gowns?

Amal Clooney. I can’t help it; I get Cruella De Vil from this look. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t see a single Dalmatian last night. Just sayin’.

Kate Hudson. We know she has a hot body because that’s all anyone ever says about her. Not that she’s a great actress, not that she’s a great beauty, just that she has a rockin’ bod. So why do all that with the plunge and the cutouts and the tight fit? It’s too much.

Allison Williams. I can’t with this. It looks like a Bloody Coffee Filter and that Hollywood Glamour hairdo and the eye make-up make her look like a really bad drag queen. Or Kristen Stewart.

Kate Mara wears a pretty, nice, dress, but fugs it up with a beige man’s belt. There is no explanation.

Claire Danes. Julianna Moore also wore feathers last night but at least she knew better than to wear a dress made entirely of feathers in a pattern and bad fit that make it looks like a dusty cover-up you found in Grandma’s attic.

THE HOTTEST MAN

Matt Bomer — My Husband In My Head — was hot in blue. I have no words, only the idea that I will stare at this picture for a very long time. plus, when he won and thanked his husband and htree children ... swoon!

THE REST OF THE MEN

Row by row

Common is hot, and I love the black-on-black suit. Simple and not a tuxedo. Very cool. Bonus points for a beautiful acceptance speech.

Alan Cumming. He’s kind of the male Helena Bonham Carter. He always wears something a little different and I always like it because he completely owns it.

David Oyelowo is just so cute and so sparkly. It’s nice to see a man rock some glitter.

Don Cheadle in an old school, Ocean’s Eleven suit. Totally cool.

Jake Gyllenhaal. What’s there left to say. Even with a beard — and I don’t mean Maggie — he’s hot.

Jamie Dornan is soon to be seen in the biggest flop of the year — besides The Interview — but still looks hot in traditional tuxedo.

George Clooney recycled the tuxedo from his wedding, so he’s green and cool.

Adrian Grenier looks like a mobster, but a hipster mobster.

William H. Macy looks like a mobster but like a hipster mobster’s father.

Ethan Hawke in a fray tuxedo that just looks like it faded from being washed one too many times.

Jared Leto is so hot — without the beard though — but this is just a hot mess. I’m getting a Pee Wee Herman clown vibe and that’s never good.

Kevin Hart is the shortest man in Hollywood — even shorter than Tom Cruise — but does he need to wear a tuxedo that looks like a Garanimals tuxedo? The short answer — see what I did there — is No.