I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’m loving the new Fox show, Empire — some critics say it’s the best new show of the year though I won’t go that far — mainly because of Taraji P. Henson who plays Cookie, and plays her fiercely. The downside of Empire? That pile of smug, Terrence Howard, a misogynistic douchebag who has been accused of assaulting women at least six time … that we know about … because he’s kind of Bill Cosby Lite., you know.

Out to promote his show, Terrence wants you to know that he’s a good guy, who was only a douche because he was frustrated as a child because he didn’t know who he was, and that he stopped abusing women last year, after marrying for the fourth time:

“A lot of things that I got involved with in younger days, in the earlier days was the product of my environment. [It was] the product of not knowing how to deal with frustration, the product of not knowing who Terrence Howard is. Now I’m married with a new wife, with a brand new baby. I’ve grown so much from anything that’s happened in the past.”

Let’s dish: Howard’s record of ALLEGEDLY assaulting women dates back to 2000 when he was accused of grabbing and shoving a flight attendant during a flight — he was also accused of assault in 2001, 2005, 2011, and 2012 — and then runs right on through to 2013 when his ex-wife ALLEGED that he “knocked her down” and kicked her in the head.

Howard admitted to some of the assaults when questioned by the police, and has taken plea deals in some situations, and in others, the charges were dropped after being “settled in civil court” AKA payoff court.

So, it’s not really in the past is it? Nor is it anything to forget.

What’s this? Lindsay Lohan got a job? In America?

Lohan is currently shooting a commercial for the Allstate’s online brother, Esurance to air during the Super Bowl.

Seriously, Lohan, who’s been in more accidents than I have fingers, is doing a commercial for car insurance? I mean, how many people has she run over and how many cars has she ruined?

You can’t make this stuff up.

Okay, so it’s no secret that Bruce Jenner no longer looks like Bruce Jenner, Olympian, but looks more like, and I’ll say it, Brenda Jenner; but that’s his business and his life and his face and his Adam’s apple and hair and fingernail polish.

But InTouch Weekly stooped to new low recently by superimposing Bruce’s face onto Stephanie Beacham‘s body and adding full makeup in what most rational folks are seeing an attempt to “out” him as transgender. And, let’s remember that Bruce has never spoken about his new look, er looks, publicly so there is no actual factual truth to the story.

In any case, Bruce isn’t the one who’s angry about the story, no, that falls to That Woman, his ex-wife, because the world revolves around her. She is reportedly so incensed over the story that she has had a meltdown — though you cannot tell by her face which has seen more upgrades and injectibles than Bruce’s — and says she will no longer sell give stories to In Touch; oh, and she did not, oh no she did not, give them this story at all.

A source — and it’s Khloe because, well, what else does she have to do besides Instagram her newly thinned waistline all over town — says, “Kris has cut off contact with In Touch, Life & Style and all Bauer publications. They won’t get any ‘real’ quotes from the family, and will be banned from Kardashian-Jenner red carpets, events, premieres and fashion events.”

Until Kris has something to shill, like her ALLEGED upcoming Playboy spread.

Spread. Ew.

In keeping up with the Bruce Transformation Theme … it appears he might just be ready to talk about his new look, but only if it’s done on, wait for it, it’s so predictable, on the 10th season of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

A source — Khloe … yawn — says:

“Bruce and Kris address his changing appearance in a scene they shot together. It will be a plotline.”

Um, if you call it a “plotline” are you finally admitting this is not a “reality” show?

Anyway, you can be sure this “conversation” will be drawn out for an entire season of Kardastrophe until Bruce says he changed his appearance because, well, he wanted to do it … to distance himself once and for all from those famewhores.

Now onto another Kardastrophe, Kanye West Kardastrophe.

He’s talking about the time he was racially profiled by the police … arrested and charged with stealing printers from an OfficeMax back in 2000 … because of his braids.

The story is back now because Kanye was deposed in the case filed against him by a photographer whom Kanye assaulted. In the deposition, Kayne admits to being convicted of a felony and says it was because he was “racially profiled for having a white T-shirt and braids.”

But Kanye gets loose when the details — admitting he was arrested — and doesn’t say where he was when the arrest came down; he does say, of course, that he was already a successful music producer. He also adds that the police doctored evidence to frame him, saying, “I was driving a white Ford Expedition. When I saw the police report, they crossed out where it said ‘Cream Ford Explorer.’”

Cream. White. Oy Kanye, that shrieks conspiracy.

Kanye believes he was convicted of a felony but says it was actually “a mistaken identity for stealing some printers from OfficeMax after I was a platinum producer.”

Maybe he was arrested because his music was so bad, too?

Maybe you never saw it, it was on TV for a hot minute, but LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian‘s reality show has been canceled.

I know! I mean, the couple created the show to dispel rumors about their marriage and how they got together, but apparently no one cared.

Or, everyone knows how they got together: they cheated on their spouses and then dumped the spouses and married one another until such time as one or the other cheats again and that marriage will end and they will each go on to star in another reality show that will be canceled because …

… no one cares about Eddie and LeAnn.

Meanwhile, back at Lohan …

You remember that Lindsay recently completed a not-so-horrific run in Speed-the-Plow in London’s West End and so she’s feeling like a ‘real’ actress again, especially since rumor has it that Oprah wants to capitalize on crazy again and get Lohan a job on Broadway.

My first thought was as an usher but does anyone think Lohan could find a seat in a theater? I mean, there are numbers and letters involved and counting and the alphabet are not her strong suits. But, an insider — possibly Oprah’s husband Gayle — says:

“Oprah bought the rights to several books that she wants to produce for the stage, and Lindsay is begging to be cast in one [but] if that doesn’t work out, she’s hoping Oprah can get her an audition for something like ‘Cabaret.’”

Can you imagine Lindsay Lohan on Broadway? I can’t, not since Giuliani ran the hookers off of 42nd Street!

At a Chris Brown concert you’re just as likely to see him grab his crotch and rap incoherently as get shot.

Truly. Five people were shot at his latest show in San Jose, and now it appears that the judge in charge of Chrissy’s probation isn’t feeling him performing any more. Plus, since Chris went to San Jose without consent of the court, Judge James Brandlin revoked his probation and ordered a further report and hearing on the singer’s status.

A district attorney’s spokesman says Brown specifically violated a provision that forbids him to leave Los Angeles County because he’s still on probation for RihannaGate and still has 200 hours of community service to complete; Two-hundred hours … even if he worked his community service hours off to the tune of fifteen hours a day, he’d barely complete them before his next court date.

Chris Brown is a complete asshat; I mean, he knew he couldn’t leave LA County without permission but feels like the law doesn’t apply to him. I hope the judge tosses his ass back in jail where, when he performs in Cellblock Idol no one will get shot.

In a bit of a Throwback, let’s talk Jason Priestly, known mostly for — okay, known only for — being on 90210 back in the day.

Priestly apparently wrote his memoirs last year because … I don’t know why … and while trying to scare up some interest in them, told a tale of how, while on Beverly Hills 90210, he was on his way to a PR event with Shannon “Crazy” Doherty in a town Car and claims that she bitched at the publicist for not sending a limo to pick her up.

Oooh drama. At least it must have been drama to Shannon — who also has nothing but time on her hands — because  she was just on the Sirius XM show “Just Jenny” — no, not McCarthy thank god — and says Priestly lied about the story because, get this, she hates limos, and he has brain damage … or something:

“I love Jason, but you know he had a car accident, a while ago, a racing accident, and I think maybe parts of his memory got altered from that. Because you know, I’ve addressed this before, everybody changes … they have their own perception of the truth. And his is definitely different than mine. Cause … supposedly I wanted a limo and I’ve always hated limos my entire life. … I just know that at some point, everybody just needs to sell a book, right?”

Lord, two has-beens fighting over a story about a car from 1990? It’s a slow week for gossip.

Taylor Swift is an angel and everyone’s mean to her. I mean, how dare Jake Gyllenhaal show up at a Golden Globes after-party when she was planning on being there, too? She was forced to grab her Gaggle of Besties and head off for the ladies room to bitch and kvetch and cry about her ex :::gasp::: dancing with other girls.

But, it turns out Little TayTay isn’t all Sugar and Spice and inane lyrics and victim of bad boy choices, because, according to Star — hey, sometimes they get it right —she became the Globes Bad Girl by pressuring her BFF, 18-year-old high school friend, Lorde to have a drink at the ball.

A source says Taylor was drinking a rum and coke, but decided to switch to wine and so she started “feeding her rum and coke to Lorde.” Tay Tay apparently told Lorde she didn’t have to drink if she didn’t want to, but kept saying “rum is so good!” and “you’ll feel pretty” and “boys will like you.”

Who knew Taylor was really Rizzo and not Sandy?

So, last week a photo appeared online of John Travolta creeping up on a guy at 3AM in an LA gym; it was creepy because, well, Travolta, gym, massage, ick, and because it’s one of the rare times Travolta’s been photographed without that muskrat on his head.

Now, though, the guy who was creeped up on — one Justin Jones, a married stepfather of two children — has given an interview to The National Enquirer about the incident:

 “I was completely aware of what was happening. He just walks right up to me and introduces himself – ‘Hi, I’m John.’ He asked what I do for a living, if I was married, if I have kids, and what do I do with my spare time. … I understood what was happening when it was happening – it was in his body language. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but I noticed it.”

It would make me uncomfortable, unless I was in a HazMat suit with a spray bottle of bleach in my hand.

For his part, Travolta explained that he goes to the gym at 3AM to work out because … he … has … kids.

Um, okay?