WTF? Emily Blunt

I have always liked Emily Blunt; loved her in The Devil Wears Prada and The Five-Year Engagement. And, well, to be fair, I think her hubby, John Krasinski is adorable.

What isn't adorable is this Spanish Whorehouse Lampshade contraption. i mean, the bell shaped floral skirt, the mesh pieces, the boob bouquets. the flamenco shoes and the Frida Kahlo hair.

No es bueno, Emily.

So, to make myself feel better, here's a little John Krasinski ... ahhhh.

Bob's Golden Globe's Fashion Round-Up! YeeHaw!

MY BEST

Julianne Moore; she takes risks with fashion, and sometimes bombs. Recently she wore a bright yellow, turtle-necked, long-sleeved ball gown made of neoprene … I know. But this silver sequined, ombré number, trimmed in feathers was avant-garde and haute couture and fabulous!

THE BEST

Clockwise from top left

Emma Stone; I love her sense of humor, and that she knows the Globes aren’t some stuffy Oscars ceremony, so why not play it up with a fun jumpsuit and giant bow? Loved it.

Jessica Chastain; she usually goes a bit more demure, but really rocked a shiny copper plunging neckline. And she knows how to do that old Hollywood glamour hair. Take note Alison Williams.

Diane Kruger was chic and cool and modern, like a Grace Kelly for the new millennia.

Lupita Nyong’o usually rocks the carpet and this is no exception; flirty, fun, flowers, shows she was there to have a good time.

VERY GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Emily Blunt looked like a Grecian Goddess with a simple cut-out. It’s very good, but not great.

Gina Rodriguez; I don’t usually like those dresses with the see-thru pieces at the bottom, but this one moved well and seemed fun and wasn’t so daring. Plus, Gina Rodriguez won a Globe and just might be the new It Girl in Hollywood.

Heidi Klum looks a little too tan and a little too thin, but after some misfires on the red carpet — including that fringe get-up from the PR she wore — she returns in a stunning red number. Slinky and sexy.

Viola Davis would have scored higher in a different color because she really looks great in all colors, just not this red. I do like the cut and the embellishment and it is Viola so, yeah, it’s Very Good.

Lorde. Good lord! Or Good.Lorde. It was young and fun and fresh and new. She’s no actress up for an award, but a pop star up for an award so she took the pop star cue and worked it.

Kate Beckinsale. She’s very good; she’s always very good. I’d like to see her take more of a risk and I’d like to see her stop wearing that hairdo at every awards show. Still … stunning.

GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Helen Mirren. Even for a woman her age, Helen knows what to cover up and what to show off. And the glitter on the décolletage is perfect.

Jessica Lange. Okay, maybe some folks didn’t like this but, to me, Jessica Lange can do no wrong; no nowhere, not no how!

Taylor Schilling. I usually don’t like ball gowns, and I usually don’t like red, but she kept everything but the dress simple so she looks very chic. Red is the new black for the carpet.

Melissa McCarthy. Say what you will — I heard Schoolmarm — but I like that Melissa McCarthy takes a chance and I think this is fun and cute.

Ruth Wilson. Okay, the fabric is plain, like kitchen curtains, but Ruth gets a Good because of the color — one of the few non-black, non-white, non-red numbers on the carpet — and because she was fabulous in The Affair and deserved to win.

Lena Dunham. Lena generally gets a WTF from me because she looks like a piece of cotton candy, or a giant yellow shuttlecock. But this is cool and simple and structured and not over the top. Good.

M’KAY

Clockwise from top left

Amy Adams. We get it Amy, you’re an actress! But try a little something different. This is perfectly fine but do you really wanna look just fine?

Christine Baranski has a rockin’ bod, and I love the color and the design, but the fabric is just kinda sad. It lacks pizzazz!

Kerry Washington loves her color-blocking but this is a bit too stiff and too long or too short and the fabric looks like the fabric some people use on cat beds so it they pee the urine won’t be absorbed. Seriously, that was my first thought.

Felicity Jones has the same problem as Baranski. It’ a fabulous dress — from the back you could see the hundreds of buttons — but the color and the fabric choice are kind of drab.

MEH

Clockwise from top left

Anna Faris. Okay, so she brought her newly hot husband Chris Pratt so maybe that’s why she chose this subdued sequin number that looks more negligee than night out.

Felicity Huffman. She looks fabulous … if this was a Golden Globes luncheon. It’s not.

Jennifer Aniston. Gosh she wants an award so bad that she gave no thought to the dress, with its too high slit and weird cummerbund looking thing. Plus a little more hair might have been nice, but I get it, she’s trying to show she’s a serious actress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss always plays safe. Sleek dress, sleek hair. It’s enough.

Sienna Miller. Now, as a gay man, I still like some boobs, and had Sienna had boobs, this might have been a better choice; as it is, it looks like a very expensive apron.

Reese Witherspoon. The movie for which she was nominated was wild. This dress is Yawn.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Okay, you know it’s the Globes so you pick and flesh-tone strapless number. And you know you’ll be suiting for a long time so you wear a dress that wrinkles. Stop.

Katie Holmes. The dress is pretty enough, but it’s that cheap pony tail extension that bothered me and the fact that when she appeared to present, everything about her, mouth, eyes, and head, tilt when she talks.

BAD

Clockwise from top left

Amanda Peet. So, your original dress was ruined so you bedazzled a bed sheet? Seriously?

Anna Kendrick. This dress has the measles. Plus, Anna Kendrick never looks like an actress or whatever; every time I see her I think she works at my grocery store.

Salma Hayek. The dress is nice. The little matching handbag is not. And that thing in her hair? She’s trying too hard to be Cute Bride and it doesn’t work.

Keira Knightley. This is haute couture Chanel, and I’m guessing the good people at Chanel, knowing Knightley was pregnant thought it might be fun to use diapers as trim because that’s what it looks like. Plus, the thing around her neck looks like a bib she’d wear while getting her make-up done to keep it off the dress. I won’ say a word about the butterfly sequins or that giant-assed butterfly on her wrist.

THE WORST

Clockwise from top left

Camilla Alves is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a tablecloth.

Christy Teigen is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a doily tablecloth.

Jennifer Lopez wishes she was a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a duvet cover. But I’ll give her props: not many women could wear that much fabric and still give that much hint-o-vagina and that much boobage.

Julianna Margulies; between the severe, almost Bride of Frankenstein hair, and the stiff, too short dress, well, she ruined it. Plus, take a good look at the dress; see the horizontal seam? It looks like they added fabric to make it longer. Should’a left it short and should’a worn something else.

Rosamund Pike. Does anyone else see the giant V pointing towards her, um, monologue? Plus, girl just had a baby and this is way too much skin; it’s just wrong.

Patricia Arquette always looks like she’s going to Funeral Prom; and the hair? It looks like the way women might wear their hair when they’re putting on make-up before, you know, they actually do their hair.

Maura Tierney is a favorite actress of mine but this is so Rose from The Golden Girls. Even the sheer business at the top can’t make it look young.

Zosia Mamet. It’s sad. Sad shape. Sad color. Sad proportion. Sad girl.

WTF

Clockwise from top left

Catherine Zeta Jones needs to lay off the Botox. The only thing stiffer than Julianna Margulies’ dress was CZJ’s forehead. Plus, why is a women her age — I believe she’s 68 — still wearing ball gowns?

Amal Clooney. I can’t help it; I get Cruella De Vil from this look. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t see a single Dalmatian last night. Just sayin’.

Kate Hudson. We know she has a hot body because that’s all anyone ever says about her. Not that she’s a great actress, not that she’s a great beauty, just that she has a rockin’ bod. So why do all that with the plunge and the cutouts and the tight fit? It’s too much.

Allison Williams. I can’t with this. It looks like a Bloody Coffee Filter and that Hollywood Glamour hairdo and the eye make-up make her look like a really bad drag queen. Or Kristen Stewart.

Kate Mara wears a pretty, nice, dress, but fugs it up with a beige man’s belt. There is no explanation.

Claire Danes. Julianna Moore also wore feathers last night but at least she knew better than to wear a dress made entirely of feathers in a pattern and bad fit that make it looks like a dusty cover-up you found in Grandma’s attic.

THE HOTTEST MAN

Matt Bomer — My Husband In My Head — was hot in blue. I have no words, only the idea that I will stare at this picture for a very long time. plus, when he won and thanked his husband and htree children ... swoon!

THE REST OF THE MEN

Row by row

Common is hot, and I love the black-on-black suit. Simple and not a tuxedo. Very cool. Bonus points for a beautiful acceptance speech.

Alan Cumming. He’s kind of the male Helena Bonham Carter. He always wears something a little different and I always like it because he completely owns it.

David Oyelowo is just so cute and so sparkly. It’s nice to see a man rock some glitter.

Don Cheadle in an old school, Ocean’s Eleven suit. Totally cool.

Jake Gyllenhaal. What’s there left to say. Even with a beard — and I don’t mean Maggie — he’s hot.

Jamie Dornan is soon to be seen in the biggest flop of the year — besides The Interview — but still looks hot in traditional tuxedo.

George Clooney recycled the tuxedo from his wedding, so he’s green and cool.

Adrian Grenier looks like a mobster, but a hipster mobster.

William H. Macy looks like a mobster but like a hipster mobster’s father.

Ethan Hawke in a fray tuxedo that just looks like it faded from being washed one too many times.

Jared Leto is so hot — without the beard though — but this is just a hot mess. I’m getting a Pee Wee Herman clown vibe and that’s never good.

Kevin Hart is the shortest man in Hollywood — even shorter than Tom Cruise — but does he need to wear a tuxedo that looks like a Garanimals tuxedo? The short answer — see what I did there — is No.

WTF? Salma Hayek

First off, what's with Salma Hayek's face?

Oh wait, she's just realized that she stepped out of the house and onto a red carpet dressed like a cater waiter from the Toreador Room at the Spanish Embassy.

No, ma'am, I'm quite positive I had the chicken.

Seriously, Salma?

WTF? Lady Gaga ... Again

Okay, this time Gaga doesn't make the post because of the outfit, though it's slightly reminiscent of a Vegas Lounge act get-up from the mid-1970s.

The WTF this week is for the make-up. i mean, it looks like she's channeling Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond from Sunset Blvd. and no one should be doing that; EVER!

I kinda wish Gaga would find her own style, rather than co-opting everyone from a silent screen star to Cher in Moonstruck to that Material Girl.

WTF? Gwen Stefani

I like Gwen, I really do, but I cannot help but wonder why she dresses either like a rock-n-roll princess or a toddler.

I mean, this looks like she rolled a kindergartner on her way to school stole her outfit and, possibly, her lunch money.

Why, Gwen, why?

WTF? Ansel Elgort

Ansel Elgort.

I'm not sure who he is, an actor I think, but I do know that any and all sense of fashion he has went out the window the moment he looked at himself in the mirror wearing this too-tight-too-small-too-faux-leopard-too-Frankenstein-shoe monstrosity and said, "Yeah! This is it."

It's not.

WTF? Hilary Swank ... Again

Hilary Swank has a new movie out, and wants another Oscar, so she's been hitting the red carpet and hitting it hard. And making it to WTF twice this season.

Unfortunately, less notice is given to her film role and more attention is given to her choice in fashion.

I mean, this mullet dress looks like a Rockettes cast-off. It makes her look long-waisted, or she's actually seven-feet tall. And the black band at the waist looks like one of those braces my FedEx guy wears when he delivers his big package; yeah, I went there.

I do like the shoes, and I like the hair ... if she was in a yoga class.

It's a shame, though, because back in the day, Hilary would look like this at an event ...

I want that Hilary back.

WTF? Frankie Grande

Frankie Grande. He's the half-brother of half-wit diva, Ariana Grande Latte and was also a participant on that "reality" show Big Brother, so it makes perfect sense that he would be invited to attend a music awards show.

What doesn't make sense, though, is the Cotton Candy Troll Doll hair, or the pick jeans and the stupid black shoes. The make up, the pose; it's wrong from each and every angle.

But what really makes this a WTF moment is the shirt that he literally had painted on himself.

Child, if you cannot afford a stylist to get you actual clothes to wear, stay home.

WTF? Kim Kardastrophe ... AGAIN!!

Look, I know some folks like her, I mean she's got millions of followers on all kinds of social media sites, but, seriously, can someone teach Kim Kardastrophe how to dress so she doesn't look like she stuffed herself into a full-body condom.

I don't know if there's more latex going on outside Kardastrophe's body, or inside Kardastrophe's body.

I just know it's hideous.

WTF? Heidi Klum ... Thank Goddess Miss Ross Saved Me

Heid Klum at the American Music Awards last night and all I could think is, Is this the winning look from a designer on Project Runway: Garbage Heap?

Seriously. It looks like a sequinned Ace bandage wrapped around a black sheet worn over bike shorts. And do not get me started on those Project Runway: Gluegun Shoes she's got on and that WTF length..

She's supposed to be a fashion model, not a fashion for-the-love-of-Chanel-don't-do-this.

I thought I was gonna be sick so I took a look at Miss Ross at the same event. Diana Ross will be 70 next year and she is out-rocking anyone and everyone on the carpet last night.

Work those feathers, Miss Ross!!

WTF? Anne Hathaway

I saw this picture of Anne Hathaway at the Interstellar premiere and tried to come up with an explanation for it; here goes ...

While getting ready in her suite at the Four Seasons Hotel, Anne spilled some Pinot Noir on the white Valentino she'd planned to wear, and since her stylist failed to bring a second choice all hell broke loose.

One assistant was dispatched to the lobby and found a grandmotherly type sipping tea in a shawl and ripped it from her shoulders.

A second assistant ran down to the waterfront and found a shiny black fishing net hanging off the side of a boat.

The two pieces with hot-glued together and, voila, this is what you get.

Really Anne? You usually look so much better than this ...

WTF? Miley Cyrus

I guess the Go-To Outfit for an amfAR benefit is a suspendered-duct-taped-bondage-looking thing that will take the focus off the cause and place it squarely on your media whoring shoulders.

Eh, Miley?

PRAll-St★rs 4 Ep 2: Construction Junction

The designtestants wake up to find a note directing them to the Skylight at Moynihan Station; it looks like a warehouse, in shambles, but we’re told it’s a very popular, cutting edge Fashion Week venue. I’ll take their word for it.

But there are hunky construction workers, so, yeah, I’m intrigued.

Alyssa Milano, in a denim worksuit, presents the challenge; the one that viewers love and designers hate. Yes, it’s The Unconventional challenge!

And the designtestants can use anything they can scoop up in fifteen minutes — with no trip to Mood this week; they can grab tarps, tools, ropes, wires, nails, fencing … they can even strip the construction workers, though not completely naked; darn. And they must turn these construction items into a feminine fashion forward look.

I see nail guns taking aim, so let’s rip …

THE SAFES

BENJAMIN 

There was some concern that he and Justin, using the same materials, were creating the same dress, but Benjamin went short and cocktail; it’s nice, but it’s very short.

DMITRY 

There was some concern that he and Chris, using the same materials, were creating the same dress — especially after Dmitry scrapped his original design, but Dmitry went all-rope and all ass-cheeks.

FABIO 

He used twine to sort of knit his fabrics together; it’s cute and fun, and bright and safe.

GUNNAR 

He bashed Jay for his nail necklace but then he made a floor-length chain necklace and slid it over a tube top and pencil skirt. Someone should have told Gunnar this wasn’t Project Runway: Accessory, because that’s all he made.

HELEN 

It’s okay, but all I got from it was that it was something Betty Rubble would wear on a Very Special Flintstones.

SAMANTHA 

Boob lights and a pencil skirt; this was one scary looking hot mess.

SONJIA 

She scrapped her first look entirely and then went all Caution Tape on our asses. I actually liked this, but it would have been better, and flirtier, had it been shorter.

THE BOTTOMS

CHRIS Cords, cable ties, wire 

I like Chris but sometimes he doesn’t push himself hard enough. When it became clear to anyone who wasn’t Dmitry that Dmitry was stealing Chris’ idea, Chris seemed resigned to just finish, and not finish strong. Even Zanna Roberts Rassi worried that it would just be a rope dress, not a rope dress re-imagined.

WHAT HE SAID

I wish I had done more

WHAT I SAID

Me, too, Chris. The bottom is better than the top, but the bottom probably took a tenth the time to make.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Guest judge J Woww — I don’t know her real name, nor do I care to … the same with Snooki — said it looked like something she would wear at 3AM in a club; meaning, regular clothes. Snooki kept trying to see nipple, even after Chris explained that the top was lined. I kept wondering why she was wearing that hat, and that fake tan and that awful lip shade. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ didn’t like that the materials weren’t reinvented, while Isaac Mizrahi hated the top but loved something about the skirt.  Our other guest judge, designer Elie Tahari found Chris’s design creative.

WHAT HAPPENED

I was surprised, happily so, that Chris is safe. But he needs to really bring his creative edge — which we all know he has — if he wants to stay longer.

MICHELLE Construction worker vests, paint

Zanna calls her look a bit too spor-ty, and Michelle mimics that accent, reminding us that she designs spor-ty. So she continues creating her own textile, and chevron pattern, out of vests and paint.

WHAT SHE SAID

I think she’s absolutely adorable.

WHAT I SAID

I think it’s adorable, too. I liked it when I saw it at Belk last week. Been there, Michelle.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

 Snooki said it looked like duct tape, and she loves duct tape; she also called it creative and feminine. Elie Tahari was impressed by the color story Michelle created, while Alyssa agreed about the handmade textile, but thought the silhouette was wrong. Isaac said he expects more from Michelle — a PR winner — because this looked too department store. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ agreed, saying Michelle needs to up her game. J Woww was not wowwed; sorry about that.

WHAT HAPPENED

Michelle is saved by creating her own textile; barley.

ALEXANDRIA Tarp, paint, plastic fencing 

We get Alexandria saying she wants to wins this because she should have won her season … cue ominous drumming. We get Alexandria behaving like a maniac during the construction grab—“Hey! You’re stealing my sh*t!” … cue ominous drumming. We get Alexandria, after being told by Zanna that her look was Goth and witchy, saying just because it’s black doesn’t make it Goth … cue ominous drumming.  

WHAT SHE SAID

It does look like fabric; it doesn’t look like a tarp.

WHAT I SAID

I kept thinking about a line from Sting’s King of Pain … ‘a butterfly trapped in a spider’s web.’

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls it an 80s style cliché that becomes a caricature of itself, and felt that the black tarp dress was unflattering. Isaac said the back tarp fabric was “upsetting” and added that he couldn’t find anything to like about it. Snooki said it reminded her of a spider, while Elie called it smart, feminine and original. I nearly called an eye doctor for Elie. J Woww also liked it, but then she sits like a longshoreman doing drag in a shirt dress, so, yeah, there’s that.

WHAT HAPPENED Alexandria goes home, and then reminds us all that she doesn’t do construction work, that she only makes beautiful things blah blah blah go home already.

THE TOPS

KATE Drawer liner, lightbulb cages, tile backing 

At the start, Kate brags about having “around the unconventional block or two” so we know she’s not going to win. And so, she does what she does: a white dress that seems like a wedding dress. In fact, it’s so unoriginal, it’s almost the same dress she was going to present last week until Zanna talked her out of the full skirt idea; she really is a one-trick monkey, as Dmitry has said. Zanna wants to throttle her because she’s seen it before and she wants Kate to step out of her wheelhouse … and into oncoming traffic, I assume.

WHAT SHE SAID

It feels perfect, the whole picture.

WHAT I SAID

Another white girl dress from Kate. Who :::yawn::: knew?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac loved the way Kate used the tile backing to create the see-though aspects, and called it fabulous and expensive. Elie Tahari liked it, but wished it was longer, because it seemed too Little Girl Wedding to him. Alyssa called it arts-and-crafts, and lingerie and Frederick’s of Hollywood … catalogue. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™, on the other hand, called it sweet and pretty, and loved how Kate made that from construction materials. J Woww called it fun and dainty, and, well, since she looks like Broderick Crawford in drag, that’s a high compliment ... J Woww was probably high. Snooki is getting married and so she liked it and would wear it, if it was leopard print and shiny and had strobe lights on it.

WHAT HAPPENED She’s safe. Next week, she’ll push herself and make a white girly dress with interesting breast cups.

JAY Tarp, nails He wanted to create a feathery look by cutting the tarp and fraying the edges, but when that didn’t work he realized that he could rip the tarp and it would fray itself; a great idea, until he noise began to annoy everyone in the workroom. But, he’s so adorable, I would have just sat back and watched him.

Zanna, when she stopped by, loved his use of the nails as a kind of cummerbund, but said it needed to be offset by something feminine.

WHAT HE SAID

I think the whole look is really strong.

WHAT I SAID

I liked it, though maybe with one less nail necklace; plus, the design was good, the frayed tarp was good, but the rest of the tarp looked like old pool-liner.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Still, Alyssa said Jay used the tarp best of all designers, and loved the necklace because, as Isaac said, it’s dangerous. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the lightness of the dress with the heaviness of the nails, and said the way the tarp was used it looked like lacquered tweed and the color. Isaac loved the sleeves, calling them fresh, but loathed the nails, Snooki called it a fabulous garbage bag dress, and coming from a  woman who’s probably worn a garbage bag as a dress, this is high praise … Snooki was probably high.

WHAT HAPPENED

Jay misses the win, but gets my vote as Most Adorable Designer. It’s not much, but it’s an award none-the-less.

JUSTIN Zip ties, white fencing 

Justin really thinks about his designs, sometimes too much, but not this time. He seemed to have a clear vision of what he wanted and set about creating it. The only worry Zanna had was that his use of garbage bags as a liner might look cheap.

WHAT HE SAID

It looks beautiful on her … the zip-ties glitter

WHAT I SAID

It’s a fairytale; just gorgeous.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Elie Tahari called it amazing and elegant and loved the ombré effect, while Isaac called it birdlike and perfection, though he didn’t like the “boob fat” created by the tight bustier. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it futuristic feathers and loved the proportions, while Alyssa said Justin was a very smart designer making a gorgeous dress. Isaac scored later, saying he could see Jennifer Lawrence wearing it, and falling down in it; that girl falls a lot.

WHAT HAPPENED Justin gets his first challenge win ever! And it’s well-deserved.

MY TAKE

Snooki and J Woww? Really? I mean, had this been the Walk of Shame Challenge, or the Fourteen and Pregnant Challenge, or the White Trash Challenge, well, maybe, but neither of these losers knows fashion from trashion. Don't do that again PR producers.

I didn’t like the way Dmitry sniffed that he might have copied Chris but his look was better; get your own ideas, m’kay?

I did love how all the designers “Ooh”ed as Justin’s look came onto the runway, and I may have teared up when, backstage, they all crossed their fingers with him hoping he’d get his first win. Sweet,

I found it funny that Alexandria was such a mad bitch about her “stuff” in the warehouse and then acted like she didn’t care that she was eliminated: "I can't be defined by tarp and plastic mesh." But’cha’are, Alexandria, but’cha’are — think Bette Davis in Baby Jane when you say that.

The best line of the night? When Jay was ripping his tarp, and Gunnar said, in that Kim Kardastrophe voice of his, “Jay is, like, shredding this tarp, making probably the most obnoxious sound I’ve ever heard.” Obviously, he’s never heard his own voice.

Next week? A Wicked good challenge.

What did YOU think?