An Open Letter To Phylicia Rashad

Did you ever hear the expression, ‘Sometimes it’s best to say nothing’? I wish you had because maybe then you would have kept quiet, rather than coming out in support of ALLEGED serial rapist Bill Cosby.

Sure, you can support your friend; you can say you are shocked to hear these stories; you can say this doesn’t sound like the man you know. But what you cannot, and should not, say is that this never happened, and especially not for the ludicrous reasons you give.

You said, and I’ll quote:

“What you’re seeing is the destruction of a legacy. And I think it’s orchestrated. I don’t know why or who’s doing it, but it’s the legacy. And it’s a legacy that is so important to the culture.”

So, you’re just gonna toss out a conspiracy theory with absolutely nothing to back it up? Not so bright, Phylicia. And why, why, would nearly thirty women, over the course of forty-some-odd years, who don’t know one another, suddenly gather now to destroy the legacy of a TV star? What do they gain by that?

Nothing; nothing except having their voices heard, their accusations levied.

You said all of this is being done to keep him off television — Cosby had a new TV deal in the works before these dozens of women came forward which has since been canceled — but if that’s the story, then why didn’t these women come forward back in his 1980s heyday with their ‘lies’? Why now, is what I’m asking? Why would a woman say that Cosby raped her in the 70s … in the 80s … in the 90s … wait twenty, thirty, forty years to come forward? What do they have to gain?

Nothing; nothing except having their voices heard, their accusations levied.

And I am not saying he’s guilty, though I am saying that once nearly thirty women come forward with nearly identical tales of being drugged and raped by Bill Cosby, his innocence seems slightly tarnished; I do believe in innocent until proven guilty but since he’ll never have to face his accusers, and since he refuses to even speak about it, do we just look the other way and pretend these women don’t exist?

But you don’t stop there, with talk of legacies and conspiracies, you take the ridiculousness up a notch by claiming that, while working with Cosby, you never saw any sign of this type of behavior from him. Well, Phylicia, did you expect? Do you think he would have brought these women onto the set of The Cosby Show and drugged and raped them in front of everyone? Rapists hide; rapists lie; rapists deceive. They don’t declare to their co-workers that they spent the weekend trying to drug Beverly Johnson so they could forcibly rape her.

And then you appeared on Good Morning America and continued to put your foot in your mouth. You said Bill Cosby could not do those things because he’s an intellectual.

So, smart men don’t rape?

You said he couldn’t do it because he’s generous.

So, men who give of their time and money cannot force themselves on women?

I understand you are trying to stand up for your friend, but you need to realize your arguments are lame. No one is trying to tarnish his legacy; not one woman said, back in the 70s, Hmmm, I’ll wait until 2014 and then I’ll say Cosby raped me just so they could ruin his reputation. That’s ridiculous.

Also ridiculous is the way you oh so subtly blame the victims — I’m not talking about your “Forget those women” comment … I’ll get to that in a minute — and yet simply ignore the fact that there must be some shred of truth when thirty women step forward and tell the same story of how they met Cosby, what he said to them, where he took them, what he did to them, and what he said to them after.

Thirty women cannot be wrong; not all of them.

Now, I’ll back you up on this, because, in your statement, you said, and again I quote in full, about Beverly Johnson and Janice Dickinson specifically:

“Forget these women. What you’re seeing is the destruction of a legacy. And I think it’s orchestrated. I don’t know why or who’s doing it, but it’s the legacy. And it’s a legacy that is so important to the culture.”

You didn’t mean to literally forget them, you meant to take them out of the equation so you could show off your conspiracy theory about a shadowy someone trying to ruin Cosby’s legacy. But you are being rude, and shaming, to these women when you say Bill Cosby couldn’t have done these things because he’s smart, philanthropic and never did it in front of you.

Stand up for your friend, if you will, but bear in mind there has to be a grain of truth, or perhaps an entire sand dune of truth, in the stories. Stand up for your friend, but take a minute to stop and think about why, why, these women would do this now, and why, why, Bill Cosby won’t answer his accusers. Stand up for your friend, but realize that when you do, you are also saying that these thirty women ... and counting ... are all liars.

Then take a seat.

An Open Letter to Carla Alcorn

Dear Carla Alcorn,

First off, let me say how sorry I am that your child, Leelah, your daughter, died last week. It broke my heart to hear her story, as I know it broke the hearts of many.

Sadly, it doesn’t seem to have broken your heart because, even after her death, you refuse to see that your child was struggling; you refuse to see that all she wanted was to be loved, to be understood, to be validated. You cannot even be bothered to call her by her name.

And that’s because you and your husband put your “religion” ahead of your child. You said you don’t support that … being transgender … religiously; that is transgender; that was your child; the fact that you didn’t support that caused your child to step onto a highway into oncoming traffic.

I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry Leelah didn’t have parents who loved her unconditionally; I’m sorry Leelah had parents who, when they were told their own child felt “differently,” and had found a word to explain that difference, that her parents told her she was sick, she was wrong, she needed therapy.

She needed to be loved. She needed to be loved.

Sadly, you seem to forget that he wasn’t a ‘boy,’ but she was a young woman struggling with gender identity and your refusal to see that, understand that, accept that, set your religion aside and just simply  love your child, lead to Leelah’s death.

All of us in that LGBTQ spectrum have had feelings of being different, of not fitting in, and we have all voiced those feelings at some time or another to our parents; luckily, a great many of us had parents who, while not fully understanding what it means to be gay or transgender, still told their children that they loved them.

You told your daughter she was wrong; sure, maybe you can say you didn’t use that word; maybe you can say that she wasn’t transgender because ‘God’ doesn’t make mistakes, but when you took her to therapy, she knew what you thought of her; and it wasn’t love.

And you talked to CNN about the medications your daughter was given by counselors and therapists, and you talked about how Leelah never spoke of being transgender again like she had maybe changed her mind. The fact is she stopped talking to you about being transgender because she knew you didn’t accept her; she kept quiet because, in silence, she knew she would never have to hear you tell her she was wrong any more.

You told CNN that there are all kinds of hateful messages on the internet calling you and your husband “horrible people.” Did you once, just once, think that telling your daughter she was “wrong” was a hateful message, or did you just forget about her and think only about your religion, your faith, what people might say about you knowing you had a transgender child?

Again, I am sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for your lack of acceptance. I’m sorry you don’t understand. I’m sorry you turned your back on your child and she walked away from your house that day and never came back.

She could have been amazing, and now we’ll never know because you told her she was wrong, but it was you, Carla, you and your husband who were wrong. It was the wrong choice of words, and the wrong choice, choosing religion over your own child; wrong choice not listening.

Leelah was right, and she would have been all right had she had parents who truly loved her unconditionally. She could have been amazing … she was on her way. Even in her suicide note, she showed more compassion than her parents, when she asked that you give all of her things and money to the transgender civil rights movement and to transgender support groups:

"The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year...Fix society. Please."

And, Carla, you can start fixing things now by calling your daughter by her name:

Leelah Alcorn. Stop refusing to accept that she was Leelah, even in death. She was your daughter, she was your child.

Say her name, Leelah Alcorn. Give her that much.

via CNN

Leelah's story on ISBL

An Open Letter To Mark Wahlberg

Dear Mark,

I kinda like you as an actor; loved The Italian Job, loved Boogie Nights; am still trying to forgive you for The Happening.

But this isn’t about your film career, is about you. I read all the time what a standup guy you are; a staunch supporter of our troops and, more importantly, our veterans when they come home; I read that you’re a doting dad and a loving husband.

But then I also read that you haven’t always been such a good guy. I read that, in 1988, at age sixteen, you were a bit of a thug, into crimes and drugs, and one night you and some friends decided to still some liquor from a convenience store. In the process, the Vietnamese owner of the store caught you, and you beat him, causing him to go blind in one eye, and then you beat another Vietnamese man with a stick.

I, too, was a bit of a rebel at sixteen. I once took my Mom’s car without permission, though, luckily, no one lost an eye. But I digress…

Now I hear that you want the law, and also all of us, to kind of forget about that, and have yourself pardoned for your crime and have your record expunged.

A few stories going around as to why, and why now:

Story #1: as co-owner of Wahlburgers, a hamburger joint, you want to expand the franchise throughout California but this pesky felony conviction will stop you from making any more money; except that you’re doing it anyway.

Story #2: as a huge supporter of the military and veterans — and good on you, as I said, for that — you would like to become a reservist and, again, that pesky felony conviction won’t allow it.

Story #3: you say your past conviction might stop you from working with law enforcement to help at-risk youth to the degree you want, but you do that anyway.

And so you filed an application with the Massachusetts Board of Pardons that read, in part:

“I am deeply sorry for the actions that I took on the night of April 8, 1988, as well as for any lasting damage that I may have caused the victims. Since that time, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better person and citizen so that I can be a role model to my children and others.”

Well, Mark, here’s my take: can that Asian man, whom you blinded over a case of booze, now suddenly see? No. So, every day that man wakes up — and he wasn’t the only person you attacked that night, nor was he the first person you ever beat up — remembering how he used to be able to see and now he can’t because some dickhead who has now become a rich movie star hit him in the face with a stick.

I’m all for forgiveness, and I’m all for growth, and if you want the forgiveness fine; I hope your victims can forgive you. But, if you want to be pardoned — which basically means you never did the crime — because you want to open more burger joints or want to become a part-time military man, well,  too bad for you.

When you commit a crime, you take the punishment, and you don’t get the crime expunged because it’s hard on you if you can’t. I still think you need to wake up every day, in your posh Beverly Hills home, remembering what you did. That store owner does not have his sight back and never will, so why should you get a pass?

We might forgive you, but should we forget? And should you, legally, at least, be allowed to act os though this never happened?

But that’s just me.

Wedding Week Repost: An Open Letter To Those Folks Against Marriage Equality

Dear Anti-Marriage Equality People,

So, you're against gay marriage? Um.........why? I mean, if you believe that marriage should not be changed to allow same sex couples that right, then how do you explain how marriage has constantly changed over the course of these centuries? Sure, it used to be only for men to marry women, but sometimes, a lot of times, men were allowed to marry as many women as they wanted.

But then it changed to one man and one woman.

Men then married women and used them as chattel, property. They owned their wives and the wives did exactly what the husband wanted or the punishments came swift and severe. But then that changed and now women and men share equally in the marriage. No one owns the other, and women have this thing called free will.

Fathers sometimes gave their daughters up to be married so that the two families, when united, would become more powerful, either with money or land-holding, or via political power. But that's changed now, too. Women aren't "given" in marriage in exchange for anything.

We had one man and one woman of the same faith marrying. You did not ever marry outside your own faith into some other, heathen religion. Now, that doesn't hold true any longer.

And for many centuries you didn't marry outside your own race. A white man with an Asian bride was shocking. A black woman and a white man, married, was illegal in many places as recently as the 1960s.

Now, men and women of any race and religion and socio-economic, political, educational background are free to marry anyone they choose of any race and religion and socio-economic, political, educational background. Unless it's two men or two women.

Please, anti-marriage equality people, explain?

You say that some religions would be forced to perform same-sex weddings. Not so; that little thing called Separation of Church and State works both ways; it protects our government from being influenced by religions [sometimes] and also allows religions to remain unaffected by US law. The government cannot make a church change its core tenets and beliefs, no matter how wrong anyone thinks they might be, to force them into performing same-sex weddings.

So, what's your argument, then? Seriously, I'd like to know.

You are heard saying that marriage is created to produce children and create the future, but then how can you allow people to marry who don't want, or can't have, children? They aren't creating the future, they're just pledging their love to one another.

You oftentimes say that gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage, but you never seem to say how. It seems enough just to use the word destroy to strike fear into people. So, again I ask, how would my marrying my partner "destroy" a heterosexual marriage?

You are often quoted as saying you must protect the sanctity of marriage, and yet I don't see any outcry over divorce in this country. If marriage is so sacred, then how can you allow people to enter it, and then leave it, so cavalierly? How are you protecting the sanctity of marriage?

So, anti-marriage equality readers, and I know you're out there, please explain how gay marriage is bad. For anyone. I'm seriously curious.

Sincerely,

Newly Same-Sex Married Bob

An Open Letter to Melissa and Aaron Klein

Dear Melissa and Aaron, 

Sit down. And shut up. The more you talk and kvetch and moan and play the Poor Me card the more you sound like hateful homophobes and bigots and small-minded, narrow-minded, close-minded, no minded fools.

That said, let me backtrack in case anyone has forgotten who you are: you’re the Oregon baker who refused to bake a wedding cake for Rachel Cryer and Laurel Bowman’s same-sex wedding because God. You know, because God handed down that Eleventh Commandment Thou Shalt Not Bake Cakes For Queer Weddings. Or something.

And then the couple you inflicted your bigotry upon sued, and you whined some more about God and Jesus and how, in your Bible, hate and homophobia are accepted, until the state of Oregon said what I said at the beginning of this letter: sit down and shut up … and bake that cake.

But you still refused so you decided to cut off your nose to spite your face and close the doors to your shop, and create your Bigot Baked Goods in your own home so you can still spread the hate; and keep talking and kvetching and whining and moaning.

I mean, how else do we explain your appearance — a freaking’ cake decorator — at the Values Voter Summit [VVS], AKA Hate The Gays Summit? And for those who don’t know, the VVS is listed by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group because, well, it is a hate group.

And poor Melissa, so distraught over being asked to perform a service for which her business was created, to bake a cake, began weeping as she talked about how her rights were violated and how much she misses talking to straight couples about their weddings:

“For me personally when I would sit down with them I just would want to know everything about her wedding. I'd want to know about the flowers, her dress, the centerpieces, her colors, the way her hair is going to be. I would even want to talk about 'where are you going on your honeymoon?'"

And you can’t do that with a gay couple? And, well, even if you could, what business is it of yours to stick your nose into other’s business? You are asked to bake a cake, not interview me and ask me about my wedding; you are to bake a cake, for which you will be paid, and with that money you can live your life and keep hating. But instead, you decide to deny a gay couple’s request for pastries and shutter your business and then take to the road on a Pity Party Tour.

You’re an idiot, Melissa, if you don’t see that refusing to bake a cake, i.e. do your job, for a same-sex couple is not at all different from running the Woolworth lunch counter in the South back in the middle of last century and telling Blacks that they can’t eat there because, well, again, God didn’t want Blacks and Whites sittin’ next to each at lunch.

You don’t see that; all you see is a same-sex couple and that’s just disgusting. But I’m done with you, Melissa, because you don’t get it, you won’t get it, and one day, in the very near future, you will be an asterisk in the march toward marriage equality; an asterisk leading to the story about the idiot baker who shut her doors rather than bake a cake for gay couple. One day, in the very near future, and long after that, people will giggle at how ridiculous you were, and probably still are.

And now, for you, Aaron, and what you said at the VVS:

“To be told they’re going to force me to convey a message other than what I want to convey — it flies in the face of the Constitution. It’s a violation of my conscience. It’s a violation of my religious freedom. It’s horrible to see your own government doing this to you….We had to shut the shop down. Melissa does very limited cakes out of our house. I mean we're facing in excess of $150,000 of damages for this, just for simply standing by my first amendment rights."

First off: you were not being told to convey a message; you were asked to bake a cake. And you were not asked to condone the wedding, go to the wedding, sing at the wedding, dance at the wedding, drink at the wedding, or even eat the freaking cake at the wedding. You were asked to do a job for which you opened a public business.

And if it’s cost you $150,000 that’s just a small price to pay for being allowed to be a bigot and run around the country and complain to a group of like-minded bigots and homophobes.

And them after your appearance at HateFest, you took to Facebook to continue talking about Poor You, and you decided to use anti-gay activist Rick Warren’s “Two Huge Lies” lie in your post:

“Our culture has accepted 2 huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. Second is that to love someone means that you must agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

First off, it isn’t a lifestyle, and if you think it is a lifestyle, first go get a dictionary and look up the word, and then explain to me what the ‘heterosexual’ lifestyle is. What this is, what being gay is, is a sexual orientation, just like being straight, only we are attracted to members of our own gender. It’s not a lifestyle, it’s a life, so, when you’re done whining, stop spreading that lie.

Secondly, no one, no one, least of all Rachel and Laurel are asking that you agree with them, or love them; we’re just asking you to bake a cake, get paid for it, and then shut up.

Seriously. Shut up. People are already finding you two ludicrous and it’ll only get worse from here on out. Imagine your grandchildren opening a history book — or, by then it’ll probably be a history app — and finding your names listed as being anti-gay, anti-equality. Imagine your grandchildren laughing about that.

Gosh, what were they thinking? It was just a cake?

Just a cake.

Sincerely,

Bob and Carlos

Gay and getting married. get used to it.

An Open Letter To Brad and Angelina

So, you're married now. Congratulations, though I'm sure you know a lot of people aren’t happy with you two, for a lot of reasons. I mean, 'poor Jen Aniston,' right? Minding her own business, and suddenly Angelina stole Brad away from her; though how you can "steal" a person is unclear to me, not to mention how you can "steal" someone who doesn't want to be stolen.

Personally, that's none of my business, because this isn't about how you met, or when you met, or which came first, the separation or the love affair, this is about the outrage of some in the LGBT community because, after six children and nine years together, you went and got married!

See, everyone's talking about that interview Brad gave to Esquire back in 2006, when you said you and Angelina would "consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.”

That was a lovely thing to say, but now a lot of folks in the LGBT community are angry that you've gotten married when not everyone can get married — at least not in every state in the country. A lot of folks in the LGBT community are ready to march and picket, not for equality, but because you broke your promise.

But they seem to forget how many interviews you both have given where you've said your children want you to get married, and how, if you did it, you'd do it for your family. And that's what you did; you had a wedding with all of your children involved and I imagine it was just beautiful and just what you and the kids wanted it to be.

And, so, for myself, I'll say congratulations again, though others in my community would want to say so much more, and say it more angrily; they are pissed. And I’m pissed, too, at them.

So, let me make this queer for those of you in the LGBT community who are foot-stomping and head-snapping:  these two people have spoken out for marriage equality far more, and far more often, than almost any other straight celebrity in the world; and they’ve put their money — hundreds of thousands of dollars — into campaigns to fight for marriage equality in this country. How many of you, who are pointing fingers have done as much?

And should we, as a community, really think that what we want should come before what Brad and Angelina’s children want? I don’t.

But, if you wanna pay that card, and be angry at the Pitts for saying they’d hold off on getting married until everyone can, save a little room in your Hate Parade for Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell because they said the same thing too. Oh, and they were married in October 2013 and yet not one person has complained about them breaking their ‘promise.” So why the ire now?

And, as long as we're gonna play the They-Got-Married-When-I-Can’t card, why isn't anyone angry at every single gay couple in the United States who has chosen to get married in their states, or wherever it is legal, even though it's not the law of the land everywhere? I mean, these are your people running off to New York, or Iowa or Massachusetts … or Washington state like Carlos and me … to get married even though there are still gay couples who cannot marry in their home states. Why aren’t you angry at them, at us?

Because if you have the right to get married, and you want to get married, after nine years like Brad and Angelina, or fourteen years like Carlos and me, then why not do it? If it’s for children, for commitment, or just because you love the other person and want everyone to know, shouldn’t you be able to do it?

I'm glad they got married; I like them both. They seem to be a happy couple with six happy kids, so who am I, or anyone, for that matter, to be irate because they're married?

Marriage equality will happen, and it looks like it may happen everywhere in this country next year, so, rather than throwing eggs at Brad and Angelina, about throwing a little rice, or a little Congratulations.

A happy couple got married and that should be celebrated, not denigrated.