Good News: Michael Martin Comes Out

There are all kinds of ways to ‘Come Out;’ one of my personal favorites is the way comedian bob Smith described how he decided to come out in his book, the high-larious, Openly Bob. He wanted to do it in one fell swoop, letting the entire family know he was gay, so one Thanksgiving he returned home and during dinner said, “Can someone please pass the potatoes to the homosexual?”

Problem solved. Of course, that was his comic take on Coming Out, but it is just another way to do it. Some people write letters; some just blurt it out. Some show up at a homecoming dance with their boyfriend, which is how Michael Martin, an all-state high school soccer goalie in West Virginia, did it: slow dancing with the homecoming king at a high school dance.

Michael, an 18-year-old senior at Musselman High School realized it would be near impossible to come out in rural West Virginia and it took him a long time to figure it out, but when he did it, he did for all to see, by attending the homecoming dance with Jem at Jem’s school. They started the dance with their female friends who were their "dates" but when the last song came on Michael and Jem danced with one another. Big sigh, I imagine. And then two weeks later they repeated the dance at Michael’s school where the two young men once again danced all night.

And that was that; out.  

“When I started to talk with Jem I was comfortable with myself and wasn't ashamed like I was in years past. For me to be happy, though, I needed to come out. I didn't want to hide how I really was any more. I didn't want to live every day with a secret hanging over my head. I told my team before my own parents. My family was not accepting at first but is starting to come around and support me. I just had to keep telling them that I can't change who I am and that I am the same teenager that I was before.”

So, enjoy the dance Michael, it only gets better from here on in, because now you’re you, and not some secret, shameful version. You are just another soccer player, just another young man, who happens to be gay.

“I have learned that being gay does not mean you are a lesser of a human being. If I can come out in a small town in West Virginia and be accepted, and dance with the homecoming king, it shows things are changing. I hope my performances and story help inspire other gay teens to show their true colors and not be afraid to play the sport they love.”

And now you can dance with whomever you want, so Welcome Out. And as our gift to you, we here at HOMO HQ would like to send you the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out.

OutSports

Photo by Jeremiah Carver

Ty Herndon Comes Out ... Then Billy Gilman Does, Too

After nearly two decades in country music and after nearly twenty years of speculation over his sexual orientation, Ty Herndon has come out as gay:

"I have an awesome relationship that I've been in for a good number of years. I] love him very much and he loves me."

Herndon was married twice in the past and revealed that both is ex-wives knew he was gay when they married him; sounds like marriages of convenience to stave off the rumors of his homosexuality.

"I had a lot of people around me that I trusted at a time and I was like, 'Hey, you know this about me but the world doesn't. So I'm gonna need to call on your services for a little while.' It was unfortunate that I had to do that, but I felt that's what I had to do to have my career. Standing on some pretty solid legs today, so I get to tell my truth today."

Truth. That’s what it means; being able to be yourself, love yourself, and let everyone know exactly who you are, damn the torpedoes.

"I've dreamed about being in country music since I was 6 years old. It's my life, it’s what I do, it's who I am, and I went to great lengths to cover up that fact to be to be a country star."

Rumors began circulating about Herndon's sexuality back in 1995, when an undercover male police officer alleged that Herndon exposed himself in a park where he’d gone to buy crystal meth:

"I wish I had really great recall or memory about that. I think I had been up for like 6 days doing drugs the night and the day was really a huge blur for me."

Now fully clean and sober, Herndon is looking forward to a future with Matt, his partner of five years.

Happiness, truthfulness; it’s all in those two words: I‘m gay.

And then, hours later, it happened again …

On the heels of Ty Herndon’s coming out, fellow country music performer Billy Gilman announced that he, too, is gay.

He had his Coming Out on YouTube, and during the five-and-a-half-minute long video, Gilman credited his friend Ty Herndon for making his road a little easier to follow. But, at the same time, he talked about the mere rumor that he might be gay hurt his career, and likely cost him a record deal:

“I threw a showcase in Nashville, and no major label showed. … It’s difficult for me to make this video, not because I’m ashamed of being a gay male artist, or a gay artist or a gay person, but it’s pretty silly to know that I’m ashamed of doing this knowing that I’m in a genre and an industry that’s ashamed of me for being me.”

Several months ago, a reporter took a picture of Gilman and his partner. He says at that moment he knew what he needed to do.

“It was in that moment that I knew that I’d rather it be from me, than you reading it from somewhere else. I can honestly say I’m scared to death.”

Scared, sure, because you never know what the future holds for you, especially in the country music arena.

I mean, look at it: it appears that Ty Herndon was encouraged to get married twice to maintain a heterosexual image; it seems that just the rumor that Billy Gilman was gay stopped him from signing with a major Nashville record label even though he’d been a very popular child star in country music.

And then there’s Chely Wright.

In the late 90's, after years of singing in Nashville, Chely Wright had her first Number One country hit, "Single White Female".  She followed that up with three other top 10 hits and sold over a million singles in the United States. She made her first appearance at the Grand Ole Opry on September 16th, 1989 and made many subsequent appearances, especially after having that Number One. But, since coming out as gay in 2010, Chely Wright she has not once been invited back to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, even though she was considered a regular, pre-2010.

The good news is, that may be changing, slowly. Ty Herndon notes that he’s seeing increased support for gay country singers, and the LGBT community in Nashville and Country Music:

"Traditionally in country music, we don't see a lot of support for the LGBT community, but that's changing so much. Nashville is changing so much. I mean my goodness… Kacey Musgraves won Song of the Year for [the lyrics] 'follow your arrow, wherever it points' and two amazing songwriters that happened to be gay wrote that song."

So, maybe there is hope that gay country artists can record music, can be openly gay, and can be invited back to the Grand Ole Opry.

Failing that, at least allow the good folks at Homo HQ to offer a big “Howdy” and a “Welcome Out” to Ty and Billy, and to make sure they receive the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out, boys, welcome out.

Ty Herndon

Billy Gilman

Nate Alfson Comes Out ... Chip Sarafin, Too

You all know I am not a fan of the Catholic Church, and that, normally, when I write about them I tend to go all F-bombing, rant-spewing snark-nado on their asses. But today is different. Today, I’m feeling a little … a little … pleased with the Catholics, or, at least, a small group of Catholics.

See, out there to South Dakota, in a town called Dell Rapids, Nate Alfson was the high school, baseball and volleyball coach. He is also gay; and he publicly came out as gay in an interview with Outsports last week.

Nate was worried about his job, so he took a meeting with the school — St. Mary’s High School — and they basically said, ‘Meh.’

“The meeting with the school went great .We talked about being on the same page as each other and that they were willing to walk through this with me and support me. … I couldn't be happier that they are supportive and want me to be a part of the coaching team. It's a sense of relief to be able to move forward and focus on volleyball and the girls. This season is about them and the hard work they put in. The support has been amazing and I can't wait to live a free life!” — Nate Alfson

A gay coach … at a Catholic school … in South Dakota … a state that does not have any workplace protections for LGBT people … and it’s no big deal.
Still, it does deserve mentioning, and it does deserve, from HOMO HQ, a copy of The Gay Agenda, for Nate, as well as the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven.
Welcome out, Nate, welcome out.

And, as a sidenote to the Catholic Church, the part that might have a problem with Nate Alfson, "Carry on, folks, nothing to see here."

As it should be.

via The Advocate
Read Nates story on Outsports

Chip Sarafin, a non-scholarship offensive lineman for the Arizona State football, has come out publicly as gay in an article for Compete magazine. Sarafin, who has yet to play in a game with the Sun Devils, is believed to be the first active major-college football player to come out publicly.

"It was really personal to me, and it benefited my peace of mind greatly."--Chip Sarafin, on coming out to his teammates

Of note, is that it was the university who offered the story of Sarafin’s coming out to Compete journalist Joshua Wyrick.

"He likes to talk a lot more about his profession than his sexuality, of course [but] he really wants to make sports better from a safety standpoint and from an acceptance one, too."

And when the story broke last week, the ASU athletic department, and football coach, Todd Graham released a statement:

"We are a brotherhood that is not defined by cultural and personal differences, but rather an individual's commitment to the Sun Devil Way. Chip is a fifth-year senior and a Scholar Baller, a graduate and a master's student. His commitment to service is unmatched and it is clear he is on his way to leading a successful life after his playing career, a goal that I have for every student-athlete. Diversity and acceptance are two of the pillars of our program, and he has full support from his teammates and the coaching staff."

Man, the times are a’changing, aren’t they?

So, welcome out, Chip, and please accept as our gift, a copy of The Gay Agenda and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven.

Welcome out, and blaze that trail.

via AZ Central

Read Chip's story at Compete

Adam Joseph Comes Out ... As Gay And As A New Dad

I almost missed this one, but luckily I got schooled by The Mistress ....

There are all kinds of ways to Come Out it seems, You can do it like Ellen, splashing across the cover of Time back in the 90s, or you can do it like Zachary Quinto, who came out after the suicide of bullied gay teenager, Jamey Rodemayer. Don Lemon, the CNN anchor, came out in a book, and Robin Roberts, of Good Morning America, came out in a Facebook post. Anton Krasovsky, a Russian TV anchor came out live television on the heels of Russia’s new anti-gay laws, while Olympic diver Tom Daley came out on YouTube.  Jodie Foster and Matt Bomer came out while accepting awards, and WWE wrestler Darren Young sort of accidentally came out to a TMZ news crew.

There are all kinds of ways to tell the world you’re gay, but one of the sweetest, happened yesterday when Philadelphia meteorologist for 6ABC, Adam Joseph, announced the birth of his first child, and for the first time publicly, acknowledged his partner of five years, Karl, in a Facebook post.

"While I believe every person reading this article should respect others' privacy, I decided to share this personal moment for my son. I want my son to be proud of both his fathers. From the day he was born, I want him to understand that families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. In our eyes, as long as there is unconditional love for a child, it doesn't matter who that child looks up to or leans on.”—Adam Joseph

Welcome out, Adam.

And please, accept as our gift to you, and Karl, a copy of The Gay Agenda — perfect for a bedtime story — and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven. Heck, we might even throw some diapers in there for you!

But either way, no matter how you do it, or when you do it, Coming Out is an important amazing step, and the perfect thing for two dads to teach their son from the get go.

Welcome out, Adam, welcome.

h/t to Mistress Maddie at A Day with the Mistress Borghesefor the story

Neal Baer Comes Out

Neal Baer may not be a household name to many, but his work is quite well-known. He is currently the Executive producer and showrunner, CBS' 'Under the Dome', but he has also written for TV shows like ER, China Beach and Law & Order: SVU.

He's also, in his fifties, and has just come out as gay and so, naturally, will be the recipient of the Coming Out Toaster Oven and copy of the Gay Agenda. But first, here's his story, in his own words, from the HuffPost Gay Voices:

I'm gay. There, I said it, and it only took five decades.

When I told my son Caleb, who's in college, 10 months ago, he asked, "It took you this long to figure it out?"

"No," I said. "It took me this long to say it."

"Oh," he replied. "Where do you want to go for dinner?"

I was relieved and thrilled by his open acceptance. And I think that reflects his generation, one that doesn't define sexuality as good or bad but as something that justis. Of course, it's still not easy for all young LGBTQ youth to come out, but it's better now than it was when I was growing up in Denver, when I thought being gay meant a lifetime of sadness, something to be dreadfully fearful of. Our band teacher was gay, and I remember feeling sorry for him, thinking that his life could only be one of dire loneliness and pain.

Those dark messages I picked up from the culture, from my friends, and from the media made me hate myself for many years. They made me fear that if anyone found out who I really was, I'd be doomed; I wouldn't have a family; I wouldn't have a job; I wouldn't have friends. When I finally came out, because of stories like the ones I've recounted just now, I was relieved. No, it was more than relief: It was an ineluctable freedom and joy. I can say to you that I'm glad I'm gay, that I love being gay. I love being who I am.

But a year ago I never would have imagined that I'd be saying those words.

For me, being gay means being honest and -- I know the word is almost cliché today -- being authentic. You see, when you're in the closet, your life is based on shame and lies. You tell tales about yourself that kill you a little bit every day.

Now, telling tales has been my forte, too. Maybe being gay made me a storyteller because I fantasized so much about being straight from a very early age. I loved romantic films and lost myself in them when I was young, because they represented what I longed for -- to be loved -- and what I wanted to be: straight. Then I started writing for television, and I didn't realize it, but who I really was seeped into stories on ER and SVU. I wrote about the struggles and accomplishments of gay youth, destigmatizing HIV/AIDS, whether transgender youth should be allowed to take hormone blockers, bullying, the pain of being on the down low (I really know about that one), AIDS deniers. Those stories were preparing me to come out.

I was the gay-friendliest writer in television, a gay editor told me. But that's because I had so much support. I'm so grateful to all the writers and directors and actors I've worked with who made these stories authentic. Thank you, Anthony Edwards, for the powerful, unforgettable work you did on ER dealing with the first HIV-positive character on primetime television. Thank you, BD Wong, for playing a gay psychiatrist on SVU with passion and integrity.

I know the power that stories can have in changing our hearts and minds. And I'm truly grateful for having had the chance to tell so many stories close to my own heart and soul. Being authentic isn't easy, especially when you've tap-danced your way through life avoiding who you really are. Stories make the difference. Adam Chandler's New York Times op-ed "The Best Little Boy in the World -- That's Me" is the story that "flipped the switch" for me. 

He writes, based on the work of Andrew Tobias, that closeted gay men who achieve at all costs do so to divert attention away from who they really are. "See what I do, not who I am." But achingly, those achievements are never enough, because they can never fill the hole in one's soul when one is not honest with oneself. So I thank Adam for his story, which changed my life. I read his op-ed on May 6, 2013, and said aloud for the first time in my life, "I am gay." The roof didn't cave in; the floor didn't give way; the walls didn't crash down. But my life changed momentously.

This is a wonderful and terrifying and exhilarating and challenging journey. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And journeys are not possible without friends and family who are guiding stars or touchstones or way stations. My wife Gerrie has been tirelessly understanding and loving throughout this sometimes-stormy time, and my son Caleb a never-ending fount of support.

Everyone should have the right to live with dignity, respect and safety.

Ian Thorpe Comes Out

"I've thought about this for a long time. I'm not straight. Um, and this is only something that only very recently — we’re talking in the last two weeks — I’ve felt comfortable telling the closest people around me. Exactly that."

And with that, after years of speculation, rumor, questions, guesses, dreams, Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe came out as gay.

And I say, Good for him. Some people were annoyed that he’d spent years denying his sexual orientation, going so far as to write quite plainly in a memoir, ‘I am not gay,’ but we should not judge when people come out, how they come out, or how long it takes. It’s a personal journey that, while it may have the same destination, is a completely different path for each of us.

"I'm comfortable saying I'm a gay man. And I don't want people to feel the same way I did. You can grow up, you can be comfortable and you can be gay."

That’s all that need be said. He’s battled the gossip, he’s battled the speculation, he’s battled depression, all of which make coming out more difficult, but one thing he has, that a lot of gay folks don’t have, no matter when they say the words, is support, from family, friends, and, especially, the LGBT community.

"I was concerned about the reaction from my family, my friends. I'm pleased to say that in telling them, and especially my parents, they told me that they love me and they support me. And for young people out there, know that that's usually what the answer is."

I read on Facebook, where some folks called it a brave step — and coming out, again, no matter who you are or when you do it, is a brave step — that others were annoyed that Ian hadn’t been truthful in the past. But again, walk in his shoes, live his life, battle his demons, and then tell me it wasn’t brave.

"What happened was, I felt that the lie had become so big that I didn't want people to question my integrity and a little bit of ego comes into this. I didn't want people to think that I had lied about everything."

Again, it’s done, and you can say “Finally,” or you can simply say, “Welcome out.” What you cannot, or should not, is denigrate him for not coming out sooner. It's his journey and all we should do as a community is be thankful and grateful and welcoming.

And offer up a copy of The Gay Agenda and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and the thought that now, finally, Ian Thorpe can take a breath and finally be himself.

And that’s the bravest thing of all.

Welcome out, Ian, welcome out. 

Read the full transcript of the interview HERE.

Brad Thorson Comes Out

We just celebrated July Fourth … Independence Day … a day to declare independence, freedom. And I cannot think of a better day, or a better way, to declare your freedom than by coming out, which is what Brad Thorson — a former college football player and former player for the Arizona Cardinals — did on his blog in a post titled Seeing Though the Fog:

I've been told many times that the process of coming out is cathartic. Yet since coming to terms with my sexuality, I found it arduous and unnecessary. At least that's what I kept telling myself. So today, I'm putting it in writing and not looking back.

I'm gay.

I'm also an athlete. For years, I struggled to unite these two identities in my own mind. Not until after my professional athletic career came to an end did I allow myself to understand my sexuality. Now, three years later, I'm finally ready to share that with people.

No need to look back, Brad, because now that you’ve told the world you are gay you are finally free, finally, independent, and finally ready to face what lies ahead for you.

Perhaps another shot at the NFL?

Whatever it is, know that you can now do it openly and honestly, as yourself, and that you can carry with you a copy of The Gay Agenda and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven as our gift to you from HOMO HQ.

Welcome out, Brad, welcome out!

via OutSports

Jack Thorne Comes Out

High school swimming star, Jack Thorne, who has two 4A state titles in the 100m backstroke and one state title in the 100m fly, with the Colorado 4A high school record in the 100m backstroke, has come out as gay hoping his story will help and inspire other gay athletes.

“I've spent months trying to figure out how to do this, when to do this and I've realized there's never going to be the perfect time to say what I want to say. But there's no time like the present.

I'm gay.

Some of you already know, and for some of you this may come as a surprise. Nothing has changed, I'm still the same Jack, the same Jack you race, the same Jack who you carpool with, the same Jack screaming for you on the side of the pool. This doesn't define me, I'm not gay Jack, I'm just Jack. Being gay happens to be one of many things that make me who I am, it's not what defines me and I won't let it define me.”

Welcome out, Jack. Being gay is not a definition of a person any more than being tall, or blue-eyed, or athletic. It’s just a piece of the puzzle of a person. But coming out as gay, that’s a big deal, and doing so in high school is an even greater source of pride.

Hopefully no one will define you as “the gay swimmer” but will instead think of you as a swimmer who is gay. It’s a subtle difference, yes, but it is a difference.

So, welcome out Jack, and please accept as our gift to you, from HOMO HQ, the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and your own copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out.

Read Jack's Coming Out letter at OutSports