I Didn't Say It ...

Dan Savage, on Marcus Bachmann's orientation [ALLEGEDLY] and his "ex-gay" therapy clinics:

“It’s so sad and pathetic. A lot of the self-destructive behaviors gay people are prone to drifting into are directed inward, and then you have these sh*tbags like Marcus Bachmann for whom it’s all directed outward. Marcus Bachmann is the photo negative of the guy on the last bar stool in the gay bar, drinking and smoking himself to death, except instead of destroying himself, he’s destroying other vulnerable queer people in an effort to destroy the queer inside himself.”

How sad it must be, to be in such denial of who you are that you create a business in which to help other people feel ashamed of themselves.

Even if Marcus Bachmann isn’t gay, he should be ashamed of himself for his ex-gay therapies.

Pippa Middleton, on Kim Kardastrophe’s nude Paper magazine cover:

“No year is complete without a bottom story, and the ‘Rear of 2014’ award undoubtedly goes to Kim Kardashian, after her posterior exploded all over the internet last month. … But the Kim butt story did make me pause. What is it with this American booty culture? It seems to me to be a form of obsession. Kim’s aim, apparently, was to break the internet, but I’m not sure she’s going the right way about it.”

When all you have to show for yourself is an ass, then that’s all you’ll ever be.

Melissa Rivers, speaking about her mother, Joan, who was honored at The Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment luncheon:

“My mother was fearless. And I don’t mean she didn’t have any fears, I mean that even though she was only 5’2, she stood tall and walked through it. And that’s what made her such a brilliant performer. She was willing to say what others were thinking and too frightened to admit. She made fun of herself first and foremost which gave her the right to joke about others. She never apologized for a joke, and no topic was taboo and she was fine with that. Truth be told, my mother never thought of herself as a woman working in a man’s world. She thought of herself as a comic that had to be funnier than anyone else…she just wanted to do her job and that was to make people laugh. ... There’s been tribute after tribute to my mother [where she’s] been called everything from a legend, to a trailblazer, to a bitch; the bottom line is, she was really just my mother.”

Still missing Joan ….

Michele Bachmann, the Quitting Congresswoman, on what she said to the President at the White House holiday party:

"I turned to the president and I said, something to the effect of, ‘Mr. President, you need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities, because if you don’t, Iran will have a nuclear weapon on your watch and the course of world history will change.' And he got his condescending smile on his face and laughed at me and said, 'Well Michele, it’s just not that easy.' And I said to him, 'No, Mr. President, you’re the president, it will happen on your watch, and you’ll have to answer to the world for this.' And that was it and then I left. Merry Christmas." 

And Obama looked at her, Crazy Eyes roaming the walls of a House in which she will never reside, and as she walked out he said, “Finally, a gift I like!”

Who the f**k does Michele Bachmann think she is to tell any president what he or she ought to do? And where was the Secret Service when this lunatic entered the White House?

Michael C. Hall, on playing Hedwig on Broadway and why he’s drawn to gay roles:

"I think I gravitate toward characters who are defined by some sense of conflict or secret keeping. I think in the case of David Fisher [on Six Feet Under], it was about the character's inherent conflict — something that made him inherently dramatic. In case of Hedwig, it was the chance to front a rock band and sing awesome rock-and-roll music. There is something about people, for one reason or the other, who are marginalized by their circumstance that is compelling to me. That has manifested itself into me playing a few, or more than a few, characters who are gay."

Well, and we’re fabulous, too, so there’s that to play as well.

Sunday Funnies

Random Musings

Well, it looks like I'll have to stop calling you Flori-duh; and maybe Carlos and I can get married in Key West????

So Carlos and I are hooked on TNTs Murder in the First because … Taye Diggs. Of Course, it’s also a pretty good show, but still … Taye Diggs. Anyway, we were watching it Monday night and I look over at Carlos and he’s asleep.

‘Go to bed,’ I say.

‘I was just resting my eyes,’ he says.

I give him my Wendy Williams’ Mmm hmmm and a few minutes later and he’s asleep again.

‘Go to bed,’ I say.

‘I was just resting my eyes,’ he says.

‘If you’re tired …’

‘I’m not.’

I give him my Wendy Williams’ Mmm hmmm and he’s out again.

I watch for another five minutes or so, looking over at him, head down, eyes shut, a snore on the horizon, and I kindly set the DVR to record the show, and then lean in very closely, and very sweetly, with all the love I can manage, shout into his ear:

‘GO TO BED!’

Oy. It’s hard out here for me and my sleepy man.

Christian Minard is a lesbian who was studying at Southwestern Christian University, a school affiliated with the International Pentecostal Holiness Church so you know what that means. But, one semester shy of her sports management degree, Minard married her girlfriend Kadyn Parks, and when the school learned of her same-sex marriage she was expelled.

I was aghast and angry, but then I thought again. Christian school? Pentecostal Church? And the fact that as part of her admission requirements, Minard signed a lifestyle covenant that prohibits “homosexual behavior like same-sex marriage.

Sure, it’s backwards; sure it’s wrong. But Minard signed it because this was the only school that had the degree program she wanted. And she never once challenged the requirement during her entire stay there, so my question is, wouldn’t it have been better to wait until after graduation to marry and thus avoid being expelled and having to start over at a different school? Or, if she got married to try and test the school’s rules, why not do it earlier and avoid this mess?

I’m all for fighting for our rights, but she didn’t fight for them at all until they personally affected her.

Apparently one of Fox & Friends hosts, Heather Nauert, was all confused and stuff by Illinois State University's "all-gender" bathrooms that avoid any kind of confusion for transgender and cisgender students. In fact, she was so confused, she became an eight-year-old girl again as she and her ‘friends’ snickered about it on-air.

So, they had Fox News’ Steve Doocy take to the streets with a copy of the new bathroom sign and showed it to a collection of Fox News fans to get their feedback and expected the same sort of childish nonsense the news folks displayed.

"Maybe a family restroom?"

"Restrooms for both genders."

"Transgender, that's right."

Responding to the viewer's lack of dismay, confusion, or moral outrage, host Brian Kilmeade said, Well, they're better people than us."

No kidding.

That Jesse Palmer, the college football analyst from ESPN. I might have to rethink my sports watching. That’s all. Carry on.

Well, color me shocked, but who knew that a red Speedo was a ticket to homophobic harassment and being kicked out of a water park — a place where one might expect to see a Speedo?

It seems that Jesse Colter wore his red Speedo to the Kentucky Kingdom and was told his swim attire was suitable, suitable, by one of the park's public safety officers.

But then an officer from the Louisville Metro Police ALLEGEDLY approached Colter, called him "queer" and threatened to arrest him for the crime of Speedo wearing; Jesse says the officer told him that several Public Safety Officers from the park had warned him against the Wearing of the Speedo — which seems to be untrue — but Jesse still left the park to avoid being charge with wearing a bathing suit at a water park.

Let me get this queer, though, because I imagine that police officer would have no problem with a woman wearing the tiniest of bikinis in the park, and would probably be hiding in the shrubbery rubbing one off, but a guy in a Speedo is a crime?

Only in Kentucky, though sadly, that’s probably not true either.

Look, here’s the deal: you can disagree with me on every single issue, social or political, all you want, day and night, week in, week out, but please, for the love of the Baby Jeebus, if you’re gonna carry a sign, or spray paint your message on a building, learn to effing spell!

I mean, if the "English-only" crowd is going to demand President Obama deport millions of immigrants, shouldn't they first be required to learn to spell?

Thomas Ravenel, a former Republican state treasurer in South Carolina who was convicted of drug trafficking and starred in a reality television series —  Bravo's "Southern Charm" — has filed a petition to run as an independent candidate for U.S. Senate.

Sit down, asshat.

Outgoing, though not fast enough for me, Minnesota Congressnut Michele Bachmann actually blamed those migrant children on the borders for the deaths of innocent children in Minnesota and the rape of women in her home state.

Oh, yes she did.

“Foreign nationals that have come into the United States are between 300- to 500,000 [and] my heart is broken for a female college student in Minnesota who was raped, murdered and mutilated by a foreign national who came into our country. We had a school bus full of kids in Minnesota — four children were killed on that school bus because an illegal alien driving a van went into that school bus.”

Yes, she believes that these migrant children are crossing the borders to grow up, get jobs driving buses so they can kill good American children. Or, maybe these migrant children, the boys I assume, are coming here so they can grow up and rape our womenfolk!

Gosh, I want this dingbat to run for president in 2016 because we’ll need a good long laugh while we wait for Hillary to win.

I caught a little of Lifetime’s The Witches of East End, but found it nothing at all like the fabulous American Horror Story: Coven.

But it did come with man candy, so it was fun to watch for that reason alone, though I doubt I’ll watch again.

Still, from the top: Christian Cooke, Daniel Di Tomasso, and Eric Winter. Yum.