I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When last we left Taylor Swift and Katy Perry they were throwing shade at one another in interviews and on Twitter. Oh, they never say each other’s name, but it’s clear TayTay’s pissy with KayKay, and vice versa; about backup dancers and John Mayor, fer chrissakes!

And now Katy has upped the feud by cozying up to one of Swifty’s many, many, ex-boyfriends … Harry Styles … boyband Harry Styles.

A source — and we know it’s Katy “anonymously” fanning the flames of PopTartFeud — says Katy has been openly flirting with the tween-star:  “Katy had her hand on his arm and was playing with her hair – she was being really obvious.”

And so, naturally, someone passed a note to Taylor in English class and now a source from Taylor’s camp — and you know it’s actually Taylor because the other people in Taylor’s camp are probably grown-ups with real  problems — says:  “Taylor thinks Katy orchestrated this whole thing just to mess with her. It makes her blood boil that Katy has this sweet-as-pie image when she’s one of the most conniving girls in Hollywood. Taylor calls her ‘the evil one’ – that’s how much she hates her.”

Pot.Kettle … Both of you need to clam up, or maybe there should be a food fight in the cafeteria after school and settle this once and for all.

What do you give the child who has everything … except two parents who are constantly running around the globe without her?

Well, if you’re baby NorthSouthEastWest, you get dolls that look just like mommy Kim Kardastrophe and daddy KrayKray West so you never ever start thinking the nannies are your real parents.

I guess that’s easier than actually having to be around your child. And I imagine Kimye will commission talking I Love You NorthSouthEastWest dolls soon enough.

After kicking off her tour in Tokyo things started going downhill for Mariah Carey rather quickly.

First, her voice went, and then she dropped some hints during a cover of Billie Holiday’s ‘Don’t Explain’ that soon-to-be ex-husband Nick Cannon may have cheated on her.

In an audio recording from the show, you can hear Mimi change the lyrics from ‘Right or wrong don’t matter/And I know you cheat” to “I know you cheated, motherf–ker.”

First off, she’s no Jay Z when it comes to changing lyrics, and secondly I cannot imagine who would want Nick Cannon’s corny ass. But, if Mimi keeps this up, Tiny Bratz Doll Ariana Grande Latte will overtake her as the biggest diva in the world.

Short bites … rumors are swirling that Oprah wants to do a second season of the craptastic, lie-filled, Lindsay: On Her Own.

Seriously? That heifer needs to set down the cookies and think straight for a minute.

Y’all know that I think Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst, right? So high and mighty, so hardworking, such a great hardworking single mom with servants and million dollar paychecks; my.heart.bleeds. But what is fun about Goop is her feud with Domestic Diva, and Jailbird, Martha Stewart. 

What’s fun is how Martha laid down the law and told Paltrow she should stick to acting and stay out of the lifestyle game or risk being shivved at the Canyon Ranch spa during a mud bath. Or something.

And Gwyneth’s response? The “I don’t really care, I’m just being me” rant:

“First of all, no one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated. I’ll try to recover. [She laughs] If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. I really am. I think that when anybody criticizes anyone, it’s revealing more about where they are in time and space as opposed to where you are in time and space. I think generally we tend to lash out if we’re in a, you know it’s usually a reflection of something else.”

Bitch please. To say that Martha Stewart has anything to be intimidated by from Gwyneth “Harvey Weinstein Bought Me An Oscar” Paltrow is the height of hilarity. And it ain’t over because, you know, Martha always gets the last word, but that story is coming up …

So, The Brawlin’ Palins … a new police report details the fight that broke out at an Anchorage house party that including some of the Palin clan, like Blister, that blight on the family’s ass, who punched the host several times in the face.

No arrests were made, and no one wanted to press charges, but according to the report officers responded to the party after a report of a fight among about 20 people outside. According to incident reports, Blister, the grown-assed, single-mother, unemployed daughter of Mama Grizzly Bore™ punched the homeowner, Korey Klingenmeyer, several times and at one point ended up on the ground herself.

But the biggest and bestest part? Remember when the story broke and MGB™ took to Facebook to laugh the whole thing off as a lie because she wasn’t even in Alaska that night? Yeah, lie. The reports says that even though MGB™ was there, she didn’t throw any punches because, well, maybe she was drunk and passed out on the family snowmobile?

That sounds feasible … the family that brawls together falls together..

Well, we’re still waiting for the next Tom Cruise Handpicked Wife Pageant to begin, after a series of false starts.

First, he was rumored to be “romancing” his Mission: Impossible 5 co-star, Rebecca Ferguson because she was a Nicky Kidman look-a-like — how creepy is that, Tommy? But then he moved on from her and was set-up with Scientology robot, and OITNB actress Laura Prepon after a brief audition from Elisabeth Moss. And there were rumors that actress — writing that makes me laugh — and dancer, Julianne Hough, was on the short list, but then people began laughing about Tommy dating schoolgirls again — after practically marrying Katie Holmes at her high school prom — so he never went for Hough at all.

And now he’s set to make his move, ALLEGEDLY, and the National Enquirer says Tom’s ready to make his move with a woman closer to his own age, Sandra Bullock.

Oh.God.No. Run, Sandy, run.

According to the tabloid, friends of Tommy and Sandy are trying to set the two up for romance in what may be Hollywood’s hottest love new love match after Sandy’s divorce from her serial cheating husband, and after Tom’s third wife escaped the Cruise Compound with a sheet and a flashlight.

This story can’t be true. I mean, maybe it’s true that Tom’s people are putting out tabloid feelers but does anyone with half a brain think Sandra Bullock, sane, level headed down to earth Sandra Bullock, would ever hook-up, much less marry, Tiny Egomaniac Tommy Grrl Cruise?

Seriously? I mean look at that picture and the look on Sandy's face and the way she's leaning way back. Seriously, she's like someone get crazy away from me!

More tabloid gossip? Okay … Star Magazine is running a story that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s marriage is on the rocks after Ben had an affair with Gone Girl co-star Emily Ratajkowski. And after his addiction to gambling kept getting him thrown out of casinos.

Now, Star doesn’t outright accuse Ben of cheating because, well, lawsuit, but they do drop a lot of hints that there was some nasty happening and that Jennifer found out and so Ben pays the price … by gushing about his wife in interviews which has insiders whispering that their lovey-dovey talk is hiding their marital crisis.

Which began when Ben handpicked — pun intended — Emily to play his lover in the film, and then got really close to her during filming because, well, research?

Research, indeed. And this isn’t the first time Ben’s been accused of cheating; he boinked a stripper while dating JLo and rumor has it he was very close to Blake Lively during the filming of The Town.

And where there’s smoke, there’s Jennifer Garner burning Ben’s suits on the back lawn.

What is it with British men having babies left and right, all willy nilly, and with whomever?

First we had High Grant knocking up two different women at the same time, and now comes word that Jude Law impregnated yet another woman whom he is no longer dating.

Here’s the story: Jude Law and Sadie Frost were married for years, and had three children together. They split up around the time Jude was filming Cold Mountain, and it was rumored he had an affair with Nicole Kidman.  After Sadie dumped Jude he began boinking Sienna Miller until he began banging his kids’ nanny. Then Jude a one night stand with Samantha Burke which resulted in another baby, daughter Sophia.

Skip ahead to today because Jude got his ex-girlfriend Catherine Harding pregnant.

Does he have an aversion to birth control? Or is he trying to out-hugh Grant?

I guess when your TV show bombs and you no longer have a regular paycheck, you need to cut back on expenses, right? I mean, how else can we explain why Halle Berry, who was ordered last spring to pay 16K a month in child support to her ex-baby-daddy, Gabriel Aubry, along with over $100,000 in missed child support payments. And that was reduced from the monthly 20K she’d been court ordered to pay in 2012.

Now, Halle’s pissed, and unemployed, and complaining that Aubry he has been living off child support, and she wants it stopped; or at least she wants her payments lowered from 16K a month to 3K. She says Gabriel is perfectly capable of getting a job and that by reducing the support it will force him to get a job — and then she’ll say he can’t parent because he’s always working — and she says 3K a month is a nice dome for daughter Nahla to have a comfortable life — though not as comfortable as life with Mama which then means Halle will say Nahla is better off with her.

Halle needs to stop; she made a baby with a man and then moved on with another man, with whom she made another baby. She needs to stop.

I mean, who does she think she is, Jude Law? Hugh Grant?

Back to Martha’s feud with Goop, and Martha’s latest high-larious salvo.

In the new issue of Martha Stewart Living, Martha went full-out assault badass on Paltrow by playing off Gwyneth’s break-up announcement that she and Chris Martin were “consciously uncoupling.”

Here’s the page in the magazine and here’s what it says:

“Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.”

As you can see, “perfect marriage” is in BOLD!! Martha knows how to salt a wound.

Score: Stewart 2, Paltrow 1.

And what’s next? Jennifer Lawrence on the cover of Martha Stewart Living.

I.Can’t.Wait.

And, speaking of Jennifer Lawrence … We know Martha has a Goop Voodoo doll, but now even JLaw is taking swipes at Paltrow and her “lifestyle.”

In a new interview with Vanity Fair, Lawrence puts herself firmly in the bread-and-pasta crowd, saying gluten-free is “the new cool eating disorder, the ‘basically I just don’t eat carbs.’”

Now, that could be JLaw throwing shade at Goop because Paltrow is more famous now for her ALLEGED healthy eating than she is for her acting and recently published a cookbook of her favorite gluten-free recipes.

I sense a JLaw-MStew tag-team and I’m loving it.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lots of Beyoncé today so let’s rip … most folks believe Beyoncé thrives on hatin' the Kardastrophes, though I personally thinks the amount of time that she spends thinking about them is equal to the amount of time she spends thinking about me … okay, maybe she thinks about me more.

But then this happened and, well, I guess if Beyoncé didn’t hate Kim Kardastrophe-West before, she might now. See, KashKowKardastrophe-West took time out from taking photos of her ass and her baby and her ass of a husband to appear on Jimmy Kimmel and throw some butt-sized shade at Beyoncé for not coming to her pre-divorce ceremony:

“The worst was someone canceling last minute.”

And folks are saying the dig was planned, not accidental, like everything in KKK-W’s life. From the stores to the ass to the family to the marriages to the divorces to the babies. Planned. But don’t plan on Beyoncé ever being nice to you; just keep stroking your hair and saying ‘Oh my god’ while your face doesn’t move.

We don’t get a lot of gossip from the news world, unless it’s Shepard Smith acting like an entitled gay douche in a bar; or NBC trying to lay the blame of their crumbling ratings at the size ten heels of Ann Curry. But now we have some newsroom gossip, and once again it’s about NBC and how they handle change, er, firing people.

We’ve been hearing rumblings for a while now that David Gregory was being pushed out of Meet the Press after six years due to, of course, sagging ratings and, well, he’s no Tim Russert — for whom Gregory took over when Russert passed away in 2008.

The new host will be… Chuck Todd … another old white guy in a news chair,        AKA the status quo. But the surprising details about Gregory’s ouster is that he was paid $4 million to leave — as opposed to, say, me, who usually gets a restraining order when being asked to leave a job — and he was forced to  sign a contract not to speak out against the network.

Wow. What might Gregory have said about NBC that caused them to pay off his salary plus a great bit extra and demand that he never ever say a bad word about the network?

Perhaps, like Curry, he might have complained that he was one of the last to know that he was leaving for good. See, NBC leaked the story about Todd coming aboard MTP before even talking with Gregory; like they did Ann Curry.

In fact, NBC is having Andrea Mitchell host this week’s show — which would have been Gregory’s last — denying him a chance to even talk about leaving, bid a fond farewell, pass the baton to Todd or, do what I might do, throw a can of gasoline on the set and burn the mother**ker down.

Let’s dish Lohan … Lindsay is back in London after partying on yachts during her European vacation from not having a job and is set to start rehearsals for Speed-the-Plow next week. So, in advance of what’s sure to be the hottest ticket in the West End for the hottest mess in the West End, Lohan gave one of her cracked-out interviews…

On why she moved to London: “I wasn’t used to for a long time hearing my name on the television every second, whenever I turned on the TV it was promoting the OWN show and it was just a lot and it was kind of overwhelming and everyone knew where I lived. I moved to New York to find peace and I wanted to do something very real and show people who I am and because it’s a reality show it had to be done a certain way, and things had to look a certain way for ratings. That wasn’t my intention of moving to New York. I again got overwhelmed with that and wanted to get away for a minute and I came to London.”

Funny, it wasn’t her intention of moving to New York to do a reality show but it was the exact reason she moved there. And that “to find peace” bit; on a reality show, filmed in New York, where everyone knows where you live? Still cray cray Lohan.

On taking responsibility: “I think a lot of people have a misconception of me due to situations I put myself in, things that have been made up about me or manifested and I got into this to be an actress and you know I like to create, to write, I eventually want to direct. I lost a lot of that credibility and I take responsibility for some of it but it’s also an industry where it’s celebrity based and I have been made out to be something like that and I don’t want to be known for that, that’s not why I did this.”

Um, I’m’a need my Google ‘Looney-Toons to English’ translator for this one. I mean, that wasn’t Lindsay at all the clubs? Lindsay at all the jails? Lindsay in all those courtrooms? Mugshots? That’s all Hollywood’s fault because, you know, they made her a drug addict and a thief and an alcoholic.

It’s the same old Lindsay; she’s an actress, y’all, and that’s all she ever wanted to be until the media got hold of her and turned her into a drug-taking-booze-slurping-car-crashing-bar-fighting-man-whoring moron.

Just sayin’.

So, last week we learned that Gwyneth Paltrow was boning one of the creators of Glee before she actually consciously uncoupled from baby daddy Chris Martin. And now I realize why that story got out … to take some shine away from the news that Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow is now dating Jennifer Lawrence.

Yup, he went from shagging a woman who “won” an Oscar because Harvey Weinstein bought it for her, to a woman who’s been nominated more times than Paltrow has children — and is a decade-and-a-half younger — and actually won an Oscar as Best Actress not Best supporting Actress.

Plus, can you picture Gwyneth’s face when she finds out Chris and JLaw took Peaches and Herb, er, Moses and Apple, to Chuck E. Cheese?

I wanna be there when that explosion happens.

Meanwhile … back at Beyoncé: Remember that video of Beyoncé’s incredibly folding stomach when she was pregnant? And remember how, way before that, one week she was on-stage singing in a taut glitter swimsuit and the next week she was wearing a caftan to the VMA’s and holding her stomach to announce she was pregnant? And remember how people said she was never really pregnant?

Well, a woman named Tina Seals has filed a maternity suit against the Carters claiming that she is the real mother of Blue Ivy.

Here goes … and take this with a grain of crazy … but Tina Seals is seeking “to verify whether she is the biological mother” of Blue Ivy by saying she was “previously associated” in some way with “Beyoncé Knowles and Jay Z Carter.”

It’s pretty rare for a woman to file a maternity lawsuit, but it may just prove that Bey-Jay are just giant liars. But there is another theory: perhaps Seals and Jay Z had an affair, she got pregnant, and then gave the baby up for adoption to the Carters, only now she wants the baby, or a bigger piece of the pie.

Still, while this could be just a hot mess of a lie and some poor crazy woman lost in her delusions, coming amidst all the talk of the JayBey split, this is interesting at least.

And speaking of the JayBey split … Us Weekly has now jumped on that bandwagon because, A] the story is true, or 2] the story sells a butt-load of magazines. 

See, Us is saying Beyoncé is already making moves toward a split, and a source, perhaps a pissed off Kardastrophe, says “she is done” after their remaining On The Run shows in Paris.

And while Beyoncé still posts Happy Family Time photos to Instagram the rumors aren’t dying and maybe she’s beginning to believe the rumors about Jay Z’s cheating that came to a head during The Elevator Smackdown.

Beyoncé is reportedly “insecure” about Jay’s “wandering eye” and has taken to removing from his sight, and hers, anyone who might be his “type”: you know, a woman.

On a side note, one of the side pieces often mentioned in the Jay Z Cheating Scandal is none other than Rihanna and, while watching the Fashion Police last week, during a segment they call “Bitch Stole My look” the competitors were none other than Beyoncé and Rihanna … in the same look. 

The only difference was, Rihanna wore the look last year and Beyoncé, who has a team of spacklers and painters and cinchers on speed dial wore the look this year, and styled it exactly like Rihanna, down to using the exact same jewelry, wore it last month.

Uh huh.

And back to Paltrow … Jerry Seinfeld made a mint off his TV show; so much so that he buys cars and Hampton’s manses like their PayLess shoes during a BoGo sale. But, maybe Seinfeld is running low on funds because his wife, Jessica, seems to have taken a job as Gwyneth Paltrow’s ass-kissing, promotional director.

I mean, how else can we explain why Jessica Seinfeld would post a picture of her BFF Gwyneth Paltrow to Instagram with the following caption?

“I have never met anyone with more true and loyal best friends than this baby girl. She is deeply and intensely loved by her friends. I hope each of you has someone in your life that is a wise and steady North Star like this one is to so many…Why not tag those people in your life who kill it in the friendship department? It’s Show Appreciation Sunday. (I made that up).”

Wow. Jerry and Jessica must really need the money if they’ve taken to being placed on Paltrow’s every-day-millionaire-mom payroll just to Instagram ass-kissing tributes.

Everyone knows Britney Spears doesn’t sing live; hell, she can’t sing, live or otherwise. But this story is especially high-larious because during a recent performance at her Vegas show, BritBrit was caught on camera lip-syncing to a song she recorded with Sia … only she was “singing” Sia’s parts … with Sia’s voice coming out over the sound system.

Um, Brit, if you’re gonna lip-sync, try doing it during the part of the song where you're ALLEGEDLY singing and not during someone else’s part.

M’kay?

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been married for six years. We know that because every year they marry one another all over again in some splashy way to remind us all that their marriage is perfect and …

Over? They didn’t marry each other again this year. In fact, they haven’t been seen in public together since February and now comes word that they have been “living separately” after she hired security to keep him away from other women when he was out doing his little comedy act.

Mimi, always posing on social media with her family has been unusually quiet of late; in fact she hasn’t featured Nick on any of her sites since June, when Nick moved in with his grandparents and they put their $13 million California home on the market.

Community property say what?

UPDATE: Yesterday Nick confirmed that he and Mimi are no-no together.

Mischa Barton is desperate for a job, but apparently the only job she’s qualified for is to be Lindsay Lohan.

Last March, Mischa was supposed to start production on a movie called Promoted, and well before the start date, the producers tried to contact her to let her know that shooting was going to begin and to set up a round of costume fittings.

:::crickets:::

Mischa never called back, and the day before shooting was supposed to start, Mischa's momage emailed the producers to tell them that Mischa was ill in Europe and wouldn’t be able to start working on the movie until the end of the month except …

Mischa began posting pictures to Twitter and Instagram of her partying in Europe and not being ill in Europe and now, because the producers unbelievably gave Barton a $20,000 advance and she faked being sick, they’re suing her for the money back along with $200,000 in marketing expenses and another $100,000 they lost when she dropped out.

Wow. She’s trying to Out-Lohan Lohan.

So, Charlie Sheen’s drug-addict ex-wife, the twenty-seven-time rehabber, Brooke Mueller is being sued by her former assistant Lior Masaphor, who worked for her from December 2012 until March, 2013. He claims was paid $2,400 per month, but that he worked over 130 hours a week — which works out to about $4 an hour — and was never given a break — even while she was in rehab, I presume — and is owed a bunch of cash money.

That isn’t the story; the story is the “illegal and unsavory activities” he claims to have performed for Brooke, such as Brooke forcing Lior to act as a drug mule, forcing him to transport illegal drugs for her, forcing him to watch her children so Brooke could get high, and forcing him to watch her have sex with just about anybody and everybody.

This has been another edition of Gay Folks Can’t Have Kids, But Drug Addicts and Whores Can Have All The Children They Want.

Meanwhile … back at Lohan.

On the eve of her first real job in years — whatever happened to that movie she was hired to make at the end of her reality show … poof — Lindsay decided to go out and party … quelle surprise … at 1Oak in Southampton.

The big surprise came when Lindsay tried to pay the $2500 tab and her credit cards were declined.

What? No job? No credit? No problem?

No problem because Lindsay had to beg her fiends to help with the bill, had to lift up cushions in the booths for change, and may have turned a trick or two in the loo to leave a tip.

ALLEGEDLY.