PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 10: Separation Anxiety

All right, this week we’re gonna keep it simple, because I have a lot to say …

Here’s the deal: Alyssa and Lisa Robertson from QVC — who seems to be made from some sort of plastic material, with perfectly spackled make-up —  tell the designtestants that this week’s challenge is to design separates — two items that can be worn together or … yes … separately — plus a fashion-forward version of that look. As a bonus, QVC will manufacture one design, one separate, to be sold as part of their G.I.L.I. line.

The designers have $300 per total and one day to make it work, so let’s rip …

THE TOPS

DMITRY 

As always. Dmitry does what Dmitry wants, and he wants to dress every woman in neoprene and lace because, well, he’s Dmitry and he knows best.

WHAT ZANNA SAID 

The Ready-To-Wear is too extreme, so he’s really going to have to push the fashion Forward look to make them stand apart.

WHAT HE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: Who would have thought … neoprene and lace?

Fashion Forward: It has a beauty about it.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear: What Every Woman is going to wear some midriff-bearing wrap jacket made of rubber, er, neoprene? And the lace looks like an afterthought to tie the two looks together. Beautiful? Yes. Well-crafted? Always. But not suited to the challenge.

Fashion Forward: I loathe this dress. I see the jagged hem of the short dress through the lace and it looks like a Wilma Flintstone dress under there. I loathe.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks he’s done a fabulous job, but feels the Fashion Forward look is more accessible — i.e. wearable — than his Ready-To-Wear. Isaac disagrees with her and says neither look is Fashion Forward and that they are just two “pretty dresses.” Lisa Robertson loves the yellow number, but thinks it’s far too short — and yet not a word about the jagged hem, while George Kotsiopoulos said Dmitry nailed it and both are beautiful and versatile. Alyssa didn’t really say he’d completed the challenge as much as she complimented him on his skill set.

WHAT HAPPENED

Dmitry's safe.

HELEN 

She doesn’t do Ready-To-Wear; she makes gowns, and only gowns. Michelle is sure this challenge will be Helen’s undoing, and Helen agrees, saying she’s in Fashion Purgatory — which I think looks like the Half-Off Bin at Wal-Mart.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She likes the color combination on the RTW look, but worries that the Fashion Forward piece reads a little ‘Morticia.’

WHAT SHE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: So sweet, super cute, fun and flirty.

Fashion Forward: So fashion forward.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear:  It is just so precious, but is it something a woman over forty—hell, over thirty—would wear? And if it makes a teeny model look a little wide, how is it gonna look on a curvy gal?

Fashion Forward: Another freakin’ cape-let. On her season, Helen was all about the cape, and here she is calling another cape Fashion Forward.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks it’s a wonderful job, and loves the colors of the RTW look. George, though, said the separates don’t really work on all body types—which is the QVC customer after all—while Isaac called the Fashion Forward look both amazing, and the more sellable to the two looks. Alyssa wants the Fashion Forward look, to wear, and then throw in a box until her daughter is twenty—and would then presumably wear it to a Halloween party? Lisa Robertson said the Fashion Forward dress is so beautiful, it blinds you to how unattractive the RTW look seems to be.

WHAT HAPPENED

Helen's safe.

SONJIA

I didn’t know this before, but Sonjia doesn’t really so much as sketch as much as she walks through Mood waiting for a fabric to inspire her. M’kay, um, yeah, not the best idea I guess.

And because she does this she loses time and ends up throwing some yellow fabric on the ground and cutting holes in it and then throwing it on a model, and then cutting squares in it. M’kay, um, yeah, not the best idea I guess.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She likes the RTW dress, but worries that Sonjia always makes a pencil skirt — and will become The Pencil Skirt Lady; she has no opinion on the Fashion Forward because there’s no design, and no dress when she visits the workroom.

WHAT SHE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: It’s delicate and feminine and strong.

Fashion Forward: This girl has got it going on.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear: It grew on me — even though it’s still a pencil skirt. I could see it working together and working as separates.

Fashion Forward: To me, this is a mess. It’s a bag, a yellow bag, with some squares cut into it to link it to the RTW look, with a grey coat in RTW fabric thrown over it to further make the looks seem cohesive.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac thought the RTW was “beyond” and gorgeous; he also loved the cutouts and the lace. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks the yellow dress would work better flipped around; she loathes the dress, but admits Sonjia is the only one who nailed the separates part of the challenge. Alyssa says “YES. YES. YES.” to both looks. Lisa Robertson loves the edginess of the Fashion Forward piece, while George also felt Sonjia was the best at creating separates.

WHAT HAPPENED

Sonjia wins.

THE BOTTOMS

MICHELLE 

She makes separates! She designs for the Every Woman! This is in her wheelhouse — a phrase she uses far too often and almost always signals, if not a death knell, a Bottom Three Knell.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She worries that the RTW needs more versatility, and that the hot pants beneath the Fashion Forward look border on tacky.

WHAT SHE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: It looks effortless … wicked cool.

Fashion Forward: The sleeves are just wonderful.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear: I like Michelle, I do, but this looks Circus clown to me from the print, to the shape to the styling. All it needs are some big shoes and a red nose.

Fashion Forward: If all you’ve got going are wonderful sleeves that should be the first sign that it’s not enough. It looks like pajamas … old lady granny panties pajamas.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac hates the print and calls it “Duty free” — whatever that means, though maybe he meant, as I thought, ‘doody’? Just sayin’. The beautiful Georgina Chapman™ is not sure she likes the print, but she does like the attitude of the looks. Lisa Robertson was so flummoxed she couldn’t say whether she loved them or hated them, while George said he loves a print — even that print George? — and says both looks are Fashion forward. Alyssa thought the RTW skirt was overworked, but loved the romanticism of the Fashion Forward look.

WHAT HAPPENED

Michelle is safe.

FABIO

Fabio. Fabio. Fabio. I adore you so, but, seriously, your color palette is annoying. He liked nothing he saw at Mood—save for some white silk and baby blue leather—so he opted to dye his own fabrics, making his own textile; but, as usual, it’s pastel blue and the inevitable pink that he chooses.

WHAT ZANNA SAID 

She liked his dyed fabric but worried that both looks were too simple.

WHAT HE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: A true example of the kind of woman I want to dress.

Fashion Forward: Something really, really classic.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear: This is cute. I loved the play of the leather front, and the hand-painted fabric in the back, and while a skort sounds scary to me, it looks cute … and young.

Fashion Forward: I like the fabric—though I loathe the colors—but how is this at all Fashion Forward and how does it relate to the Ready-To-Wear piece? I think Fabio suffer from Dmitry-it is, too, in that he does what he wants and then tries to fake it into the challenge parameters.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

George says the Fashion Forward dress feels cute, a little young, but not Fashion Forward, while Alyssa liked the skort and leather top, thinking they would both sell.  The Beautiful Georgia Chapman™ thought the dress needed either less or more. Lisa Robertson liked the skort, loved the leather, but felt it was just all too simple. Isaac, though, was not amused; he thought the Fashion Forward look was over-thought, and felt both pieces were irrelevant.

WHAT HAPPENED

He's safe, though not before Isaac says, “Fabio? You’ve been in the bottom a lot. Don’t do it again.”

JAY

He does only Ready-To-Wear, and yet he struggles; he struggles because he always wants to do more, make more, do extra, because he thinks that will win, when all it does it force him to make a lot of crap pieces.

He cannot find the perfect fabric at Mood, so he just fills a basket with all kinds of stuff, and then goes back to the workroom and makes about a hundred different outfits.

WHAT ZANNA SAID 

She hates the fabric he chose for the pants on the Ready-To-Wear look, and thinks the design of his Fashion Forward piece — he has nothing done on that one — appears more wearable.

WHAT HE SAID

Ready-To-Wear: I’m happy. That’s all that matters.

Fashion Forward: It’s really relaxed and easy.

WHAT I SAID

Ready-To-Wear: look, if all you say about your look is that you like it and nothing else matters, you’ve already packed your bags to go home. And if it’s raining, use the pants to protect you from the elements.

Fashion Forward: A freaking mullet dress, covered in pleats, that looks both heavy and too short and not enough. Use that to hail a cab for the airport, Jay.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

George says the pants look messy because the fabric is just the worst. Alyssa loves the RTW top, but that’s not saying a lot. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said the trousers — don’t you just love a Brit who says trousers or is that just me — are bad, and feels like Jay has already given up. Lisa Robertson loved the color and draping of the Fashion Forward piece, while Isaac called it heavy and wrong and short.

WHAT HAPPENED

In short, Jay's out.

MY TAKE

I called Jay’s exit last week, though I’ll miss the Cutie Patootie.

The best line of the night — other than Isaac’s smack to Fabio — is from Sonjia, who listened as Jay talked about making three or four pieces for his RTW look:

“It’s too many pieces. You can only do two. Two, hunty, not three.”

The runner-up is Michelle, for her comment on Jay’s RTW pants:

“I think he took a table cloth and made a pair of pants. Which is good if you’re eating ribs.”

Fabio needs to stop with the pink and the simple and the plain if he wants a spot in the finale. I so like him and his aesthetic, but this Pink Period is just getting old. I wish they’d create a challenge where each designer cannot do something they’ve already done:

No pink for Fabio.

No form fitting dress from Dmitry.

Lose the pencil and create a sketch, Sonjia

Cut the wackadoo prints from Michelle.

Stop with the cape-lets for Helen.

Then maybe we’d get something good from these people.

As it stands now, it’s Dmitry and Sonjia at The Tents — or whatever is passing for The Tents now — with Helen up there, too. Michelle may go next, if Fabio doesn’t snap out it.

What did YOU think?

Random Musings

Still loving Obama’s “I won both of them” from the other night, and loving the fact that, as much as the GOP tries to portray him as a Muslim illegal immigrant, he keeps going and going and, well, gosh darn, people are liking him, again.

His poll numbers are at 50% approval rating.

Another snap at the GOP!

Speaking of Obama’s SOTU the other night:

Bobby Jindal's Nit-Twit response? 'Your welcome.? He could’a used some free community college, no?

On to American Horror Story …

After this season Jessica Lange is said to be leaving and creator Ryan Murphy has announced that the show will reinvent itself—something I thought it did every season.

I am liking Freak Show, but it is kind of ‘kitchen sink’-ish in that they just keep throwing more into it, when sometimes less is more, and better.

Twisty the Clown? Gone too soon.

Frances Conroy? Gone too soon.

And they kind of wasted Angela Basset and Gabourey Sidibe this season, though I did like the links between Freak Show and Asylum; that was cool.

That said, i liked the finale; I liked the way they tied up some of the characters' storylines; i liked the way Elsa went out; and, of course, Dandy in his Tighty Whities is always a treat!.

Speaking of TV, we like Grimm …

The stories are interesting, and different, and, well, David Giuntoli is easy on the eyes. But last week there was a new cop, a kinda bad cop, on the show, played by Will Rothhaar.

Totes adorbs. But, seeing as he’s a bad guy, I imagine he will be dying soon.

Also back on TV, the entirely swoon-worthy Timothy Olyphant is back for the last season of Justified.

Man.Candy.

I am infuriated by all the backlash against people who have come out against Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper, calling it, as Michael Moore did, a propaganda film for war; or Seth Rogen, who also bashed the film.

That sent the likes of Dean Cain into a frenzy, and he called Rogen out for never have gone to war, which lead me to wonder: Dean? Which war did you fight in?

Also fuming at Moore and Rogen were the Mama Grizzly Bore™ and Rob Lowe, who seem to have forgotten that men like U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle — the American Sniper portrayed in the film — fought for the rights of Americans, including the right not to like a movie.

Siddown you three.

Also on TV last week was an episode of Glee, now limping along in its last season, The show started off good and fun and cute, then veered off into the ridiculous, though every so often they come along with an episode that makes you think.

Like last week when Coach Bieste announced that she was transgender and was undergoing gender reassignment. A lot of folks don’t ‘get’ what it means to be transgender, and equate it with being gay or lesbian or bisexual only. The question was posed to Coach Bieste, assigned the female gender at birth, if she would be a gay man after the surgery, and Coach Bieste replied:

"It's not about who I go to bed with, it's about who I go to bed as."

I think that is one of the best responses to the question of what transgender means as I have ever heard.

The White House State Of The Union luncheon is an annual tradition and every year dignitaries and news personalities are invited to join the President in a pre-speech feast. But this year’s lunch featured a delightful jab at the folks at Fox news, and a bit of a reality check.

According to Fox News’ Shepherd Smith,  he noticed something a little strange about the place cards on the tables:

“I sat next to Brian Williams, we all have these place cards, and his said ‘Brian Williams NBC News.’  Across from me was the new guy, David Muir, it said ‘David Muir ABC News.’  Over next to the President was Scott Pelley and it said ‘Scott Pelley ABC News.’  I looked at mine, and it doesn’t say anything about news, it just says ‘Fox.’  And I looked at Bret Baier’s and it just said ‘Bret Baier Fox.’  But all the rest of them got ‘News.’ I mean I don’t care, lunch was great.  But, uh, I guess there’s a message received. “

The message, Shep, is that Fox is not News and everyone knows it.

PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 9: Sleeping with the Fishes or The Episode That Really Pissed.Me.Off.

First off, yes, this episode pissed me off and I'll explain why … later … but first, let’s define avant-garde, shall we?

a·vant-garde; nounnew and unusual or experimental ideas, especially in the arts, or the people introducing them.

Keep that in mind, and let’s start at the beginning … when the designtestants meet up with Alyssa Milano at the Long Island Aquarium with Kevin and PAm, the penguins — I was so hoping they would be the guest judges this week!

The challenge this week is to create an avant-garde look inspired by sea life, and the designtestants are given cameras to snap pictures of their inspiration, a budget of $150 and two glorious days to complete the project.

But, seriously, avant-garde on $150? Well, Alyssa throws them a fish bone when she suggests that if one designer gets into the shark tank and sketches in there, she’ll give everyone an extra $100.

Helen takes this one for the team, and … made up TV drama … gets into the tank to swim with the sharks. Ican't with that, so let's rip ...

SAFE

SONJIA

She was inspired by a Piranha, which I don’t see in her design. I see a ceramic figurine to stick in the bottom of my goldfish bowl; I see a costume for a Broadway show; I see Sonjia being safe.

TOP THREE

MICHELLE 

She chose the Flamboyant cuttlefish for the way it’s voluminous in the back and the tapers off in the front, but she’s gonna switch that up … literally.

Zanna takes one look at it and says it looks like a maternity outfit, or that a family of four could camp in it. I giggle, because I think the only place Zanna has ever camped is the lobby of the Four Seasons while she’s waiting for her room to be readied.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s really beautiful and feminine and has some strange dramatic things.

WHAT I SAID

It looks like a fabric bag upside down; it looks simple; the only think avant-garde is the lip.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ says she cannot stop looking at it, but doesn’t know if she likes it, or the colors, or the dress, at all. Isaac says he has to stop looking at it because the more he looks, the less he likes it. Alyssa called it contrived, but did like the balance—but then she’s pregnant and would probably wear it—and the color, while guest judge Nicole Sherzinger loved it, loved the peek-a-boo shoulder, but bemoaned the lack of a female form; she also liked what I learned is called the RBF: the "resting bitch face" vibe of the model's off-centered lipstick.

WHAT HAPPENED

Safe.

HELEN

After swimming with the sharks, Helen chose the shark because she likes how their scales are smooth when you rub them in one direction, but jagged and harsh if rubbed the other way. How that translates into what looked like a soft coral to me, I do not know, but it did.

Zanna, like me, though, is worried that, as Helen had done in the couture challenge, she’s thinking ruffles will save the day … or as Zanna called it, another loofah dress. Zanna tells her to edit it down, and find a way to show the woman’s curves in the look.

WHAT SHE SAID

My dress looks flattering and beautiful.

WHAT I SAID

I don’t get shark at all; I get intestines … and I’\m getting sick. It’s like the model has been eviscerated.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The judges aren’t seeing shark, either, though Isaac called the look amazing from every angle, yet doesn’t care for the small embellishment at the armhole. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said Helen’s dress told a story — one that I won’t be reading, I assure you — and said there wasn’t one thing she did not like about it. Alyssa liked that it was not so on-the-nose shark, and that she could see Helen’s work and heart in the dress. Nicole Sherzinger said she thought sleek and strong with shark, and that wasn’t what Helen had done, but she thought it was chic and wanted some more of that embellishment.

WHAT HAPPENED

Helen is safe.

DMITRY 

He’s all about the Seahorse because its scales seem to be hooked together and moving when the seahorse moves. He’s going to create a skeletal scale coat, with interlocking geometric pieces that resemble the seahorse and move with the model.

And this is where I get pissed off, because this is the same technique Dmitry used in the finale of his season — when he won — so how is it avant-garde, or new, when he’s already done it? And how is it that, when Fabio mentioned it in his confessional, and the producers show the footage of similar looks from Dmitry in the past, no one, not Zanna or the judges, brings it up?

R-i-g-g-e-d. That’s why. All Zanna said was that Dmitry needed a win, and so, well, ooh spoiler alert, he got one, and I’m pissed off.

WHAT HE SAID

I feel like my vision came to life.

WHAT I SAID

I feel like I have double vision, or déjà vu, because we've seen this exact look from him before! That's it over there>>>>

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls it beautiful, and loved the workmanship, though she wasn’t fond of the wonky closure in the bottom part of the coat — funny how Dmitry couldn't have fixed that since he made a dress he’s made before. Isaac loved it, though it wasn’t avant-garde — because Dmitry has made it before, people — but he loved the length of the coat, while Nicole called it sexy and chic and said she wanted it. Alyssa liked that he came out of his shell—and brought with him a design he’d made before and yet called it avant-garde—but said it was avant-garde in thought process only.

WHAT HAPPENED

Dmitry wins for making something he’s already made before. And I’m still pissed off.

BOTTOM THREE

JAY

He was instantly attracted to the Lion Fish, with the flowing fins, and decided to use vinyl — which he’s never worked with before — and chiffon.

Zanna likes it well enough, but doesn’t really see avant-garde in the look, though Jay assures her it will be there.

WHAT HE SAID

I’m feeling very confident.

WHAT I SAID

I don’t get the top of the ‘coat’ because it looks like that’s where the model’s head should be but it’s behind it. I also think, as she turns around, that it’s too literal an interpretation of Lion Fish.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa liked the vinyl piece but wasn’t a fan of the dress fabric, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ felt the opposite; she liked the dress but felt the vinyl piece looked a little David Bowie, and that the make-up seemed a little glam rock to her; she called it disjointed. Isaac, though, loved the way the chiffon moved against the hardness of the vinyl, but also felt the two pieces didn’t really go together, and wondered if it really was avant-garde.

WHAT HAPPENED

He's safe, though.

FABIO 

He chose the Red Bubble Anemone, and then made a pink suit … a pink backwards suit. He was struck by the asexuality of the anemone, and since he does mostly gender neutral looks, he decided to run with that idea.

Zanna liked it, somewhat, but said he was losing the anemone because he was too busy focusing on the asexuality. And the pink.

WHAT HE SAID

I love the colors and the concept.

WHAT I SAID

It’s a pretty suit — and reminds me a little of the backwards suit Celine Dion wore to the Oscars several years ago — but I’m not getting red anemone at all.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loved the pants, loved the pink — though she thought Fabio is too much of a pink fabric designer … which he says is why he’s a sissy — and she liked the reverse concept, but she hated the actual fabric. Isaac liked the color and the silhouette, but wasn’t wowed by it. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it wasn’t a strong look, and that the proportions were off — and said Fabio’s outfit looked more avant-garde than the model’s look; she called it a big mistake. Nicole liked the strong shape and the minimalist design, but also liked his own outfit more.

WHAT HAPPENED

Fabio is safe because the judges have liked him all season and probably the producers want him at the finale.

JUSTIN

This was a rough week for Justin. Though he picked the Yellow Scroll Coral, and picked his fabrics, in the workroom he was struggling because his ideas and his textiles weren’t working together. Luckily, Helen had some extra fabric and offered it up to him and he ran with it … into a wall.

Zanna worried that Justin’s look was too quiet and that he needed to push it, and he thought a big sleeve would accomplish that. oh, If I had a nickel for every time I thought a big sleeve would be my salvation … but I digress.

WHAT HE SAID

I’m happy with the outcome; it’s a walking piece of art.

WHAT I SAID

I liked it better from the back than the front, because the top half is prettier in back; the front feels like it has a giant hole in it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes Justin’s color palette but feels it’s less avant-garde and more luncheon dress; she hated the fringed peplum and its raggedy finishing. Isaac agreed, but said the silhouette was off, the waist was too low, and he hated the shoulders; he called the whole look “upsetting” and carwash strips and Party City. Alyssa agreed about the waist, and when Justin hiked it up about an inch or so, there was a marked improvement in the look — though that’s not saying too much. Nicole liked all the ideas, but didn’t think they worked.

WHAT HAPPENED

It was all too much and yet not enough, so Justin’s out. Sad to see him go because he's the sweetest designer ever, but he hasn't been on his game this season.

MY TAKE

I never knew Alyssa was the inspiration for Ariel in Disney's animated The Little Mermaid. How did I not know that?

All the drama over Helen getting into the shark tank was so planned and fake and annoying. She’s in a tank! In a wet suit! In a cage! With another diver! Stop already with the made-up drama. I have actually been scuba diving in the ocean off the coast of Maui and have actually touched … petted … a Tiger Shark so this was all just nonsense to me.

Dmitry made the same look he’s already made and gets high praise for it. Yes, I am still pissed off about it, and I am pissed off that he thinks he deserves to win, and that he thinks this was the “most important challenge." If it was the most important, DMITRY, why not do something new?

Damn, I need to let that go.

Fabio was shocked he was safe, but here's how I see it: while neither he nor Justin were truly avant-garde, at least Fabio's was well-made, and that's what saved him.

Line of the night? Isaac, after Jay said he worried about doing too much:

“Don’t listen to us. Seriously! We’re all just a bunch of bitches.”

So, here’s how I see this happened: next week, Jay or Michelle or Helen go home, and the week after, another one of them bites it; then, we either have a Fourgy Finale, with Dmitry, Fabio, Sonjia and The leftover, or the last one goes home and it's a Threesome in the end because it seems quite clear the producers want Dmitry, Fabio and Sonjia in the finale.

I mean, Dmitry won with a retread, Fabio is safe with a look that does not meet the challenge at all, and Sonjia made a show costume. But Michelle, Helen  and Jay, who actually made some interesting, though maybe not fully avant-garde, looks, were not winners.

What did YOU think?