Would You Hit It?

Ryan Guzman. He was in Step Up Revolution--never saw it--Pretty Little Liars--never saw it--Always Woodstock--never saw it-- and Beyond Paradise--never saw it.

He's also making news by being in the new Jennifer Lopez movie--which, for some reason, didn't go Direct to Video On Demand--The Boy Next Door--never gonna see it--as her love interest. There's also talk that maybe he's her real life boy.

But that's not what this is about. This is ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No. 

Would You Hit It?

Armie Hammer.

He played twins in The Social Network, so it was kinda double your pleasure. And he was in J. Edgar, though not as one of J's lovers. he then made a sad detour and rode into the wild west with Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger.

But who cares about all that ....

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Sidenote: he almost made WTF? with that suit, but, yeah, i think he worked it out.

Bob's Golden Globe's Fashion Round-Up! YeeHaw!

MY BEST

Julianne Moore; she takes risks with fashion, and sometimes bombs. Recently she wore a bright yellow, turtle-necked, long-sleeved ball gown made of neoprene … I know. But this silver sequined, ombré number, trimmed in feathers was avant-garde and haute couture and fabulous!

THE BEST

Clockwise from top left

Emma Stone; I love her sense of humor, and that she knows the Globes aren’t some stuffy Oscars ceremony, so why not play it up with a fun jumpsuit and giant bow? Loved it.

Jessica Chastain; she usually goes a bit more demure, but really rocked a shiny copper plunging neckline. And she knows how to do that old Hollywood glamour hair. Take note Alison Williams.

Diane Kruger was chic and cool and modern, like a Grace Kelly for the new millennia.

Lupita Nyong’o usually rocks the carpet and this is no exception; flirty, fun, flowers, shows she was there to have a good time.

VERY GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Emily Blunt looked like a Grecian Goddess with a simple cut-out. It’s very good, but not great.

Gina Rodriguez; I don’t usually like those dresses with the see-thru pieces at the bottom, but this one moved well and seemed fun and wasn’t so daring. Plus, Gina Rodriguez won a Globe and just might be the new It Girl in Hollywood.

Heidi Klum looks a little too tan and a little too thin, but after some misfires on the red carpet — including that fringe get-up from the PR she wore — she returns in a stunning red number. Slinky and sexy.

Viola Davis would have scored higher in a different color because she really looks great in all colors, just not this red. I do like the cut and the embellishment and it is Viola so, yeah, it’s Very Good.

Lorde. Good lord! Or Good.Lorde. It was young and fun and fresh and new. She’s no actress up for an award, but a pop star up for an award so she took the pop star cue and worked it.

Kate Beckinsale. She’s very good; she’s always very good. I’d like to see her take more of a risk and I’d like to see her stop wearing that hairdo at every awards show. Still … stunning.

GOOD

Clockwise from top left

Helen Mirren. Even for a woman her age, Helen knows what to cover up and what to show off. And the glitter on the décolletage is perfect.

Jessica Lange. Okay, maybe some folks didn’t like this but, to me, Jessica Lange can do no wrong; no nowhere, not no how!

Taylor Schilling. I usually don’t like ball gowns, and I usually don’t like red, but she kept everything but the dress simple so she looks very chic. Red is the new black for the carpet.

Melissa McCarthy. Say what you will — I heard Schoolmarm — but I like that Melissa McCarthy takes a chance and I think this is fun and cute.

Ruth Wilson. Okay, the fabric is plain, like kitchen curtains, but Ruth gets a Good because of the color — one of the few non-black, non-white, non-red numbers on the carpet — and because she was fabulous in The Affair and deserved to win.

Lena Dunham. Lena generally gets a WTF from me because she looks like a piece of cotton candy, or a giant yellow shuttlecock. But this is cool and simple and structured and not over the top. Good.

M’KAY

Clockwise from top left

Amy Adams. We get it Amy, you’re an actress! But try a little something different. This is perfectly fine but do you really wanna look just fine?

Christine Baranski has a rockin’ bod, and I love the color and the design, but the fabric is just kinda sad. It lacks pizzazz!

Kerry Washington loves her color-blocking but this is a bit too stiff and too long or too short and the fabric looks like the fabric some people use on cat beds so it they pee the urine won’t be absorbed. Seriously, that was my first thought.

Felicity Jones has the same problem as Baranski. It’ a fabulous dress — from the back you could see the hundreds of buttons — but the color and the fabric choice are kind of drab.

MEH

Clockwise from top left

Anna Faris. Okay, so she brought her newly hot husband Chris Pratt so maybe that’s why she chose this subdued sequin number that looks more negligee than night out.

Felicity Huffman. She looks fabulous … if this was a Golden Globes luncheon. It’s not.

Jennifer Aniston. Gosh she wants an award so bad that she gave no thought to the dress, with its too high slit and weird cummerbund looking thing. Plus a little more hair might have been nice, but I get it, she’s trying to show she’s a serious actress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss always plays safe. Sleek dress, sleek hair. It’s enough.

Sienna Miller. Now, as a gay man, I still like some boobs, and had Sienna had boobs, this might have been a better choice; as it is, it looks like a very expensive apron.

Reese Witherspoon. The movie for which she was nominated was wild. This dress is Yawn.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Okay, you know it’s the Globes so you pick and flesh-tone strapless number. And you know you’ll be suiting for a long time so you wear a dress that wrinkles. Stop.

Katie Holmes. The dress is pretty enough, but it’s that cheap pony tail extension that bothered me and the fact that when she appeared to present, everything about her, mouth, eyes, and head, tilt when she talks.

BAD

Clockwise from top left

Amanda Peet. So, your original dress was ruined so you bedazzled a bed sheet? Seriously?

Anna Kendrick. This dress has the measles. Plus, Anna Kendrick never looks like an actress or whatever; every time I see her I think she works at my grocery store.

Salma Hayek. The dress is nice. The little matching handbag is not. And that thing in her hair? She’s trying too hard to be Cute Bride and it doesn’t work.

Keira Knightley. This is haute couture Chanel, and I’m guessing the good people at Chanel, knowing Knightley was pregnant thought it might be fun to use diapers as trim because that’s what it looks like. Plus, the thing around her neck looks like a bib she’d wear while getting her make-up done to keep it off the dress. I won’ say a word about the butterfly sequins or that giant-assed butterfly on her wrist.

THE WORST

Clockwise from top left

Camilla Alves is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a tablecloth.

Christy Teigen is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a doily tablecloth.

Jennifer Lopez wishes she was a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a duvet cover. But I’ll give her props: not many women could wear that much fabric and still give that much hint-o-vagina and that much boobage.

Julianna Margulies; between the severe, almost Bride of Frankenstein hair, and the stiff, too short dress, well, she ruined it. Plus, take a good look at the dress; see the horizontal seam? It looks like they added fabric to make it longer. Should’a left it short and should’a worn something else.

Rosamund Pike. Does anyone else see the giant V pointing towards her, um, monologue? Plus, girl just had a baby and this is way too much skin; it’s just wrong.

Patricia Arquette always looks like she’s going to Funeral Prom; and the hair? It looks like the way women might wear their hair when they’re putting on make-up before, you know, they actually do their hair.

Maura Tierney is a favorite actress of mine but this is so Rose from The Golden Girls. Even the sheer business at the top can’t make it look young.

Zosia Mamet. It’s sad. Sad shape. Sad color. Sad proportion. Sad girl.

WTF

Clockwise from top left

Catherine Zeta Jones needs to lay off the Botox. The only thing stiffer than Julianna Margulies’ dress was CZJ’s forehead. Plus, why is a women her age — I believe she’s 68 — still wearing ball gowns?

Amal Clooney. I can’t help it; I get Cruella De Vil from this look. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t see a single Dalmatian last night. Just sayin’.

Kate Hudson. We know she has a hot body because that’s all anyone ever says about her. Not that she’s a great actress, not that she’s a great beauty, just that she has a rockin’ bod. So why do all that with the plunge and the cutouts and the tight fit? It’s too much.

Allison Williams. I can’t with this. It looks like a Bloody Coffee Filter and that Hollywood Glamour hairdo and the eye make-up make her look like a really bad drag queen. Or Kristen Stewart.

Kate Mara wears a pretty, nice, dress, but fugs it up with a beige man’s belt. There is no explanation.

Claire Danes. Julianna Moore also wore feathers last night but at least she knew better than to wear a dress made entirely of feathers in a pattern and bad fit that make it looks like a dusty cover-up you found in Grandma’s attic.

THE HOTTEST MAN

Matt Bomer — My Husband In My Head — was hot in blue. I have no words, only the idea that I will stare at this picture for a very long time. plus, when he won and thanked his husband and htree children ... swoon!

THE REST OF THE MEN

Row by row

Common is hot, and I love the black-on-black suit. Simple and not a tuxedo. Very cool. Bonus points for a beautiful acceptance speech.

Alan Cumming. He’s kind of the male Helena Bonham Carter. He always wears something a little different and I always like it because he completely owns it.

David Oyelowo is just so cute and so sparkly. It’s nice to see a man rock some glitter.

Don Cheadle in an old school, Ocean’s Eleven suit. Totally cool.

Jake Gyllenhaal. What’s there left to say. Even with a beard — and I don’t mean Maggie — he’s hot.

Jamie Dornan is soon to be seen in the biggest flop of the year — besides The Interview — but still looks hot in traditional tuxedo.

George Clooney recycled the tuxedo from his wedding, so he’s green and cool.

Adrian Grenier looks like a mobster, but a hipster mobster.

William H. Macy looks like a mobster but like a hipster mobster’s father.

Ethan Hawke in a fray tuxedo that just looks like it faded from being washed one too many times.

Jared Leto is so hot — without the beard though — but this is just a hot mess. I’m getting a Pee Wee Herman clown vibe and that’s never good.

Kevin Hart is the shortest man in Hollywood — even shorter than Tom Cruise — but does he need to wear a tuxedo that looks like a Garanimals tuxedo? The short answer — see what I did there — is No.

Would You Hit It?

David Oyelowo is a British born actor who I first noticed as the rebel son Louis Gaines in the Butler, but he’s also appeared in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Middle of Nowhere and Lincoln.

Now he’s getting all sorts of praise for playing Martin Luther King, Jr. in the new film Selma, but that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because I have a simple question …

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Idris Elba's been in the news a lot this week, especially after Rush Limbaugh said he shouldn't play James Bond because he's Black and, well, Bond ain't Black.

That's neither here nor there because I have a question ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Henry Cavill. He’s Superman, but is he super, man?

He’s done one Man of Steel movies and is set to play Clark Kent in at least three more films through 2019. But for me, he was first noticed playing Charles Brandon, lusty Charles Brandon, in The Tudors.

So … Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Gaspard Ulliel is a French actor and model.

He’s appeared in all sorts of French language films, but I first caught sight of him in his English film debut, Hannibal Rising. Although he was Lecter before Lecter began lunching on livers, I still found him adorable, and now he’s a gown-up man. Next up, he’ll be playing Yves St. Laurent onscreen …

… but that’s neither here nor there.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Sam Claflin.

He’s English; he was Philip Swift in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: he was William in Snow White and the Huntsman — I was busy ogling Hemsworth and Theron... yes, Charlize ... in that one; he was hottie Finnick Odair in the The Hunger Games series.

So … Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Adam Lambert, a runner-up on American Idol, who is actually a bigger star than the guy, er, whats-his-name, who won Idol that year.

And, I may be wrong, but isn't that whats-his-name behind Lambert, asking for some coins? I dunno, because that's neither here nor there.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Chadwick Boseman is a jack-of-all-trades: actor, playwright, and screenwriter.

He's proably best known for taking on iconic roles like Jackie Robinson in 2013s 42, and James Brown in 2014s Get On Up.

That begs the question, would you get on up on it, meaning ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Which One Would You Hit?

Okay, so today we have Jon Kortajarena [on the left], a Spanish model and actor, and [on the right], Luke Evans, a Welsh actor and singer. The two are rumored to be boyfriends, though they aren't talking.

Still that begs the question ... a slightly different question than normal:

Which.One.Would.You.Hit?

Jon or Luke.

And, sad to say, you cannot have both.

Pick already!

Would You Hit It?

I first caught sight of Eddie Redmayne in Les Miserables as Marius and found him totally adorable. He was also in The Other Boleyn Girl and Elizabeth: The Golden Age, and will next star as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything.

All well and good but we have only one issue at hand:

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Jake Gyllenhaal. Donnie Darko; Brokeback Mountain; Prisoners; Love & Other Drugs or, as I call it The One Where Jake Is Naked A Lot.

This might sound like a stupid question but, well, one man's Hit It is another man's Quit It; so ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Jai Rodriguez.

I remember him from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and then .... :::crickets:::

Then he was on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Ten Years Later and then  :::crickets::::

Still, it warrants one question:

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Pharrell Williams. He wants us to be Happy. Okay, I can get with that, but there's a bigger question ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Allen Leech is an Irish actor who made his acting debut with a small part in a 1998 production of A Streetcar Named Desire.

He made his first major film appearance in Cowboys & Angels and earned an Irish Film & Television Awards nomination in 2004 for his performance in Man About Dog. He gained some international fame as Marcus Agrippa on HBOs Rome, but is perhaps best known as the Tom Branson, chauffeur who married well in the BBCs Downton Abbey.

And that begs the question …

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Chris Messina.

You may not know the name but I know you’ve seen him in something. He appeared in  Vicky Christina Barcelona, Argo, Julie & Julia, Ruby Sparks, Celeste and Jesse Forever, and You've Got Mail.

And on TV he was in Damages and The Mindy Project.

On ISBL, he’s appearing in …

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit It?

Corey Stoll is in everything. He plays the doctor on The Strain while wearing a bad rug; he’s in the new film This Is Where I Leave You; and he’s got a part in the new season of Homeland.

But that’s neither here nor there because all I have is one question.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No. 

Would You Hit It?

Dan Stevens. A British actor, he was Matthew on Downton Abbey and he was so dreamy. But then Dan wanted to try something new and, as happens on soap operas on either side of the pond, his character was killed off ... right after Lady Mary gave birth to their child.

Dan can be seen in the upcoming The Guest where he plays a soldier who introduces himself to a family as the friend of their son who dies in action. But, yeah, that's not true and all kinds of crazy happens afterwards.

But we aren't here for that, we're here to ask a question ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Would You Hit Hit?

Joel McHale.

He hosts The Soup On E! And he's a standup comedian and actor, on NBCs Community.

But that's neither here nor there.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.