I Didn't Say It ...

Dan Savage, on Marcus Bachmann's orientation [ALLEGEDLY] and his "ex-gay" therapy clinics:

“It’s so sad and pathetic. A lot of the self-destructive behaviors gay people are prone to drifting into are directed inward, and then you have these sh*tbags like Marcus Bachmann for whom it’s all directed outward. Marcus Bachmann is the photo negative of the guy on the last bar stool in the gay bar, drinking and smoking himself to death, except instead of destroying himself, he’s destroying other vulnerable queer people in an effort to destroy the queer inside himself.”

How sad it must be, to be in such denial of who you are that you create a business in which to help other people feel ashamed of themselves.

Even if Marcus Bachmann isn’t gay, he should be ashamed of himself for his ex-gay therapies.

Pippa Middleton, on Kim Kardastrophe’s nude Paper magazine cover:

“No year is complete without a bottom story, and the ‘Rear of 2014’ award undoubtedly goes to Kim Kardashian, after her posterior exploded all over the internet last month. … But the Kim butt story did make me pause. What is it with this American booty culture? It seems to me to be a form of obsession. Kim’s aim, apparently, was to break the internet, but I’m not sure she’s going the right way about it.”

When all you have to show for yourself is an ass, then that’s all you’ll ever be.

Melissa Rivers, speaking about her mother, Joan, who was honored at The Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment luncheon:

“My mother was fearless. And I don’t mean she didn’t have any fears, I mean that even though she was only 5’2, she stood tall and walked through it. And that’s what made her such a brilliant performer. She was willing to say what others were thinking and too frightened to admit. She made fun of herself first and foremost which gave her the right to joke about others. She never apologized for a joke, and no topic was taboo and she was fine with that. Truth be told, my mother never thought of herself as a woman working in a man’s world. She thought of herself as a comic that had to be funnier than anyone else…she just wanted to do her job and that was to make people laugh. ... There’s been tribute after tribute to my mother [where she’s] been called everything from a legend, to a trailblazer, to a bitch; the bottom line is, she was really just my mother.”

Still missing Joan ….

Michele Bachmann, the Quitting Congresswoman, on what she said to the President at the White House holiday party:

"I turned to the president and I said, something to the effect of, ‘Mr. President, you need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities, because if you don’t, Iran will have a nuclear weapon on your watch and the course of world history will change.' And he got his condescending smile on his face and laughed at me and said, 'Well Michele, it’s just not that easy.' And I said to him, 'No, Mr. President, you’re the president, it will happen on your watch, and you’ll have to answer to the world for this.' And that was it and then I left. Merry Christmas." 

And Obama looked at her, Crazy Eyes roaming the walls of a House in which she will never reside, and as she walked out he said, “Finally, a gift I like!”

Who the f**k does Michele Bachmann think she is to tell any president what he or she ought to do? And where was the Secret Service when this lunatic entered the White House?

Michael C. Hall, on playing Hedwig on Broadway and why he’s drawn to gay roles:

"I think I gravitate toward characters who are defined by some sense of conflict or secret keeping. I think in the case of David Fisher [on Six Feet Under], it was about the character's inherent conflict — something that made him inherently dramatic. In case of Hedwig, it was the chance to front a rock band and sing awesome rock-and-roll music. There is something about people, for one reason or the other, who are marginalized by their circumstance that is compelling to me. That has manifested itself into me playing a few, or more than a few, characters who are gay."

Well, and we’re fabulous, too, so there’s that to play as well.

Random Musings

The house next to Casa Bob y Carlos finally sold this week, and I think the new owners will be moving in soon, so I will be asking Carlos, and myself, to tone down our yelling; well, it’s really mock yelling, but to the neighbor’s it might seem, um, not so much.

I have been fighting a cold this week, and as happens, Carlos, who I must remind you all, is not a doctor, tells me I need to drink Hot Tea all the time.

I tell him, and, again, reminder, I am not a doctor, that I prefer to drink Not Hot Drinks. Carlos gives a dissertation on Hot Beverages and I quickly remind him that any doctor will tell you, cold or flu, to gets lots of sleep and drink lots of liquids … with no mention of a specific temperature of that said liquid.

As Carlos was leaving the house this morning, and as I was returning to my boudoir and the warm comfort of my bed, he began “mock” shouting Hot Tea! Hot Tea!

And I began “mock” shrieking, even with my bad throat, You’re not a doctor! Stop talking!! STOP TALKKING!!!!!

Welcome to the neighborhood, newbies!

Man alive, those Russians really hate The Gays, and anything even Gay Adjacent!

It seems the residents of Saint Petersburg have reportedly torn down a giant interactive iPhone memorial that commemorated the death of Apple founder Steve Jobs because Apple’s current CEO, Tim Cook, came out as gay. And the chairman of the company that installed the memorial said that it might return with a message that instructs Russians not to buy Apple products.

Yup, tell down a memorial to one man, because another man in the company is a ‘mo.

St. Petersburg better be careful, because with that attitude they might be tearing down the entire town one day.

Did y’all see blowhard Chris Christie going off on the man who dared interrupt him as he was speaking? The man, a constituent of Christie’s, and a man who survived Hurricane Sandy, though he’s still waiting for money to come through that he needs to rebuild his home, simply wanted the Governor to answer some questions.

Christie’s response? “Sit down and shut up."

Remember that when the Fat man runs for office because that’s how he’ll react to any question he doesn’t like.

It’s not presidential, it’s thuggish and bullying and condescending. If anyone needs to sit down and shut up it’s Chris Christie.

So Taylor Swift turned her back on Country music to be a Pop Star? Well, I’d say that Pop’s loss and Country’s gain. And she hightailed it right outta Nashville for New York City where she was named NYC’s Global Ambassador after living there all of half an hour.

So, what does Taylor Swift do? Well, she donated the proceeds of her new song “Welcome to New York” to charity and then she set up her world tour to promote her latest album.

She’ll be playing everywhere except New York City.

Seriously, the girl is a moron. I mean, she’s playing in Jersey so I guess she thinks that’s good enough? It isn’t.

After last Tuesday’s election, Senator Wack Nut, er, Rand Paul created a series of Facebook posts showing every losing Democrat endorsed by Hillary Clinton.

And you thought this was all Obama's fault? Nope, cuz he’ll be out of office in two years so Rand decides to go on the attack against Hilary.

Someone’s scared, eh, Rand?

I’ve been watching The Affair on Showtime. It tells the story of a murder — though we don’t know who died, even if they were murdered, or who did it — and a couple of people involved are the ones having The Affair.

It’s kind of morose, though I do enjoy the way they show both adulterers’’ sides to the story, but there is some man candy.

Joshua Jackson — on the right — plays Cole Lockhart, the husband of the woman having the affair, and though we saw his buck nekkid in episode one I was less than impressed. But then we saw him in jeans, riding, then dismounting a horse and, well, a man in Levi’s with a nice ass … I’m hooked.

In addition we have Colin O’Donnell — on the left — playing Cole’s brother Scotty, er, Hotty.

Yeah, I may be able to endure the morose for the occasional hotness. I’m shallow like that, you know.

So, My-Husband-In-My-Head Matt Bomer made his debut on AHS: Freak Show last night, playing a gay hustler, yum, who gets picked up in a bar by the wickedly insane, and insanely adorable, Dandy, played by Finn Wittrock. The two of them, in tighty whites? Oy, thank goodness for DVRs and replay!

I was in heaven until … and I’ll save the spoilers if you haven’t seen; suffice to say, Matt? What happened?

Also, the delicious Frances Conroy. Lots of talk, and all of it well-deserved, about Jessica Lange, but Frances Conroy has always been fabulous in AGS and this year is no different; the voice — "They're special bulbs from Holland! Don't question me!" — the hair, the clothes, the personality of her character. I want her to have her own season of Horror.

And then to have Gabourey Sidibe again? Loving it! Hopefully she’ll play a larger part before this all ends.

So, am I the only one who finds all those pictures of the virulently anti-gay Benham Brothers hoisting virulently anti-gay politicians into the air to be more than just a little gay looking?

And, not that I’m saying he’s gay, but the looks on Huckleberry's, Jindal's and Perry’s faces seem to suggest that they’re more than a little tickled to be carried around by bigots.

Speaking of homophobes, for some reason Peter LaBarbera, president of the anti-gay organization Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, went on the attack against National Treasure, Neil Patrick Harris.

Luckily Dan Savage was there to respond … and God, too.

I Didn't Say It ...

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina senator, clutching his pearls and fear-mongering about ISIS:

"The first thing I want to tell American people, from my point of view, it is our fight, it is not just their fight. I will not let this president suggest to the American people we can outsource or security and this is not about our safety. There is no way in hell you can form an army on the ground to go into Syria, to destroy ISIL, without a substantial American component. To destroy ISIL, you have to kill or capture their leaders, take the territory they hold back, cut off the financing, and destroy the capability to regenerate. This is a war we’re fighting, not a counter-terrorism operation. This is not Somalia, this is not Yemen. This is a turning point in the war on terror. Our strategy will fail yet again. This president needs to rise to the occasion before we all get killed back here at home."

Someone needs to tell her to calm the eff down. 

Oh, and to remind her that she was saying the exact opposite thing just a couple of months ago. 

Lindsey in flip-flopping in sequined footwear.

Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, responding to Graham’s pronouncement:

“The poor man lives his entire life trapped in ‘The Blair Witch Project.’ For God’s sakes, I’ve seen Chihuahuas in handbags who are less fretful and shaking.”

Snap.

Bryan Fischer, of the American Family Association, offering proof that we are a Christian nation:

"You want one single item of proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation and not an Islamic nation? One single bit of proof is all you need: we freely allow restaurants and grocery stores to sell and to serve bacon. That can only happen in a Christian country. So the sheer fact that we freely allow the sale and consumption of bacon is absolute proof that we are, in fact, a Christian nation."

Hmmm, or it could mean we’re an atheist or agnostic nation, but Fischer won’t ever say that.

But seriously folks, this man has said some of the most ridiculous, inane, moronic, stupid, asshatted things on his little Hate Show, but this one … mother%king bacon … is the most loony tunes thing ever!

Jon Hamm, on social media: 

“This constant recording of your life and updating of your ‘status’ . . . I don’t do that. No event ‘happened’ unless you took a picture of it. Going to a concert or a ballgame, are actual things. But you’re not watching because you’re busy trying to record it so you can tell your friends about it and put it on YouTube. It’s totally meaningless.”

How much fun can you be having when you’re taking a selfie just to show you were “there?”

Howsabout being present? Howsabout acknowledging those around you? Howsabout a few less pictures of what you ate? Where you sat? Or your giant forehead in a selfie?

Dan Savage, on that Tennessee billboard:

"When we bring up God's holy ban on eating shellfish or His loving command to kill your daughter if she isn't a virgin on her wedding night—passages in the Bible that Christians ignore—we're told that those passages are in the Old Testament, silly, so they neither apply nor matter to Christians because Jesus. Leviticus 18:22 goes on to say that men who lie with men as with women should be put to death. (Can't you just feel the love for people, people?) But if someone else were to put up a billboard in Portland proclaiming that all women who aren't virgins on their wedding nights should be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:20-21)—or that adulterers like Mark Sanford and David Vitter must be put to death (Leviticus 10:10) or that women should be forced to marry their rapists (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). Basically: It's fair game for them to use the Old Testament to beat up queers, but it's not fair for queers to use that same Old Testament to highlight their hypocrisy.”

As usual, I have nothing to add. Dan’s said it all and really quite nicely.

Sean Hannity, Fox New host, making an incredible leap by saying that arresting NFL star Adrian Peterson for brutally whipping his four year-old son is a slippery slope to banning parents from telling children they shouldn't be gay:

"You guys want to tell parents what they can and cannot do. For example, is it gonna become illegal if a parent teaches kids the politically incorrect view that being gay is not normal? Or that the parent says — whatever the parent wants to teach the kid that you would disagree with? I think we’ve gotten to the point where, if we don’t politically correct our kids, we might as well hand our kids over to the government the day that they’re born and let them raise them."

Let me make this queer for you, Hannity.

For some people, myself included, being gay is perfectly normal, hence being gay is normal, for gay people. Being straight, for me, is not normal; now that doesn’t make being straight abnormal, it just makes it not normal for me, or any number of other gay folks out there.

And when parents talk to their children about what it means to be gay it could be as simple, as normal as this: Some men love women, some men love men. It’s all love, so it’s all normal.

The more difficult explanation would be talking to your kids about why Fox News calls itself a news organization

Now, take a seat.