I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’m loving the new Fox show, Empire — some critics say it’s the best new show of the year though I won’t go that far — mainly because of Taraji P. Henson who plays Cookie, and plays her fiercely. The downside of Empire? That pile of smug, Terrence Howard, a misogynistic douchebag who has been accused of assaulting women at least six time … that we know about … because he’s kind of Bill Cosby Lite., you know.

Out to promote his show, Terrence wants you to know that he’s a good guy, who was only a douche because he was frustrated as a child because he didn’t know who he was, and that he stopped abusing women last year, after marrying for the fourth time:

“A lot of things that I got involved with in younger days, in the earlier days was the product of my environment. [It was] the product of not knowing how to deal with frustration, the product of not knowing who Terrence Howard is. Now I’m married with a new wife, with a brand new baby. I’ve grown so much from anything that’s happened in the past.”

Let’s dish: Howard’s record of ALLEGEDLY assaulting women dates back to 2000 when he was accused of grabbing and shoving a flight attendant during a flight — he was also accused of assault in 2001, 2005, 2011, and 2012 — and then runs right on through to 2013 when his ex-wife ALLEGED that he “knocked her down” and kicked her in the head.

Howard admitted to some of the assaults when questioned by the police, and has taken plea deals in some situations, and in others, the charges were dropped after being “settled in civil court” AKA payoff court.

So, it’s not really in the past is it? Nor is it anything to forget.

What’s this? Lindsay Lohan got a job? In America?

Lohan is currently shooting a commercial for the Allstate’s online brother, Esurance to air during the Super Bowl.

Seriously, Lohan, who’s been in more accidents than I have fingers, is doing a commercial for car insurance? I mean, how many people has she run over and how many cars has she ruined?

You can’t make this stuff up.

Okay, so it’s no secret that Bruce Jenner no longer looks like Bruce Jenner, Olympian, but looks more like, and I’ll say it, Brenda Jenner; but that’s his business and his life and his face and his Adam’s apple and hair and fingernail polish.

But InTouch Weekly stooped to new low recently by superimposing Bruce’s face onto Stephanie Beacham‘s body and adding full makeup in what most rational folks are seeing an attempt to “out” him as transgender. And, let’s remember that Bruce has never spoken about his new look, er looks, publicly so there is no actual factual truth to the story.

In any case, Bruce isn’t the one who’s angry about the story, no, that falls to That Woman, his ex-wife, because the world revolves around her. She is reportedly so incensed over the story that she has had a meltdown — though you cannot tell by her face which has seen more upgrades and injectibles than Bruce’s — and says she will no longer sell give stories to In Touch; oh, and she did not, oh no she did not, give them this story at all.

A source — and it’s Khloe because, well, what else does she have to do besides Instagram her newly thinned waistline all over town — says, “Kris has cut off contact with In Touch, Life & Style and all Bauer publications. They won’t get any ‘real’ quotes from the family, and will be banned from Kardashian-Jenner red carpets, events, premieres and fashion events.”

Until Kris has something to shill, like her ALLEGED upcoming Playboy spread.

Spread. Ew.

In keeping up with the Bruce Transformation Theme … it appears he might just be ready to talk about his new look, but only if it’s done on, wait for it, it’s so predictable, on the 10th season of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

A source — Khloe … yawn — says:

“Bruce and Kris address his changing appearance in a scene they shot together. It will be a plotline.”

Um, if you call it a “plotline” are you finally admitting this is not a “reality” show?

Anyway, you can be sure this “conversation” will be drawn out for an entire season of Kardastrophe until Bruce says he changed his appearance because, well, he wanted to do it … to distance himself once and for all from those famewhores.

Now onto another Kardastrophe, Kanye West Kardastrophe.

He’s talking about the time he was racially profiled by the police … arrested and charged with stealing printers from an OfficeMax back in 2000 … because of his braids.

The story is back now because Kanye was deposed in the case filed against him by a photographer whom Kanye assaulted. In the deposition, Kayne admits to being convicted of a felony and says it was because he was “racially profiled for having a white T-shirt and braids.”

But Kanye gets loose when the details — admitting he was arrested — and doesn’t say where he was when the arrest came down; he does say, of course, that he was already a successful music producer. He also adds that the police doctored evidence to frame him, saying, “I was driving a white Ford Expedition. When I saw the police report, they crossed out where it said ‘Cream Ford Explorer.’”

Cream. White. Oy Kanye, that shrieks conspiracy.

Kanye believes he was convicted of a felony but says it was actually “a mistaken identity for stealing some printers from OfficeMax after I was a platinum producer.”

Maybe he was arrested because his music was so bad, too?

Maybe you never saw it, it was on TV for a hot minute, but LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian‘s reality show has been canceled.

I know! I mean, the couple created the show to dispel rumors about their marriage and how they got together, but apparently no one cared.

Or, everyone knows how they got together: they cheated on their spouses and then dumped the spouses and married one another until such time as one or the other cheats again and that marriage will end and they will each go on to star in another reality show that will be canceled because …

… no one cares about Eddie and LeAnn.

Meanwhile, back at Lohan …

You remember that Lindsay recently completed a not-so-horrific run in Speed-the-Plow in London’s West End and so she’s feeling like a ‘real’ actress again, especially since rumor has it that Oprah wants to capitalize on crazy again and get Lohan a job on Broadway.

My first thought was as an usher but does anyone think Lohan could find a seat in a theater? I mean, there are numbers and letters involved and counting and the alphabet are not her strong suits. But, an insider — possibly Oprah’s husband Gayle — says:

“Oprah bought the rights to several books that she wants to produce for the stage, and Lindsay is begging to be cast in one [but] if that doesn’t work out, she’s hoping Oprah can get her an audition for something like ‘Cabaret.’”

Can you imagine Lindsay Lohan on Broadway? I can’t, not since Giuliani ran the hookers off of 42nd Street!

At a Chris Brown concert you’re just as likely to see him grab his crotch and rap incoherently as get shot.

Truly. Five people were shot at his latest show in San Jose, and now it appears that the judge in charge of Chrissy’s probation isn’t feeling him performing any more. Plus, since Chris went to San Jose without consent of the court, Judge James Brandlin revoked his probation and ordered a further report and hearing on the singer’s status.

A district attorney’s spokesman says Brown specifically violated a provision that forbids him to leave Los Angeles County because he’s still on probation for RihannaGate and still has 200 hours of community service to complete; Two-hundred hours … even if he worked his community service hours off to the tune of fifteen hours a day, he’d barely complete them before his next court date.

Chris Brown is a complete asshat; I mean, he knew he couldn’t leave LA County without permission but feels like the law doesn’t apply to him. I hope the judge tosses his ass back in jail where, when he performs in Cellblock Idol no one will get shot.

In a bit of a Throwback, let’s talk Jason Priestly, known mostly for — okay, known only for — being on 90210 back in the day.

Priestly apparently wrote his memoirs last year because … I don’t know why … and while trying to scare up some interest in them, told a tale of how, while on Beverly Hills 90210, he was on his way to a PR event with Shannon “Crazy” Doherty in a town Car and claims that she bitched at the publicist for not sending a limo to pick her up.

Oooh drama. At least it must have been drama to Shannon — who also has nothing but time on her hands — because  she was just on the Sirius XM show “Just Jenny” — no, not McCarthy thank god — and says Priestly lied about the story because, get this, she hates limos, and he has brain damage … or something:

“I love Jason, but you know he had a car accident, a while ago, a racing accident, and I think maybe parts of his memory got altered from that. Because you know, I’ve addressed this before, everybody changes … they have their own perception of the truth. And his is definitely different than mine. Cause … supposedly I wanted a limo and I’ve always hated limos my entire life. … I just know that at some point, everybody just needs to sell a book, right?”

Lord, two has-beens fighting over a story about a car from 1990? It’s a slow week for gossip.

Taylor Swift is an angel and everyone’s mean to her. I mean, how dare Jake Gyllenhaal show up at a Golden Globes after-party when she was planning on being there, too? She was forced to grab her Gaggle of Besties and head off for the ladies room to bitch and kvetch and cry about her ex :::gasp::: dancing with other girls.

But, it turns out Little TayTay isn’t all Sugar and Spice and inane lyrics and victim of bad boy choices, because, according to Star — hey, sometimes they get it right —she became the Globes Bad Girl by pressuring her BFF, 18-year-old high school friend, Lorde to have a drink at the ball.

A source says Taylor was drinking a rum and coke, but decided to switch to wine and so she started “feeding her rum and coke to Lorde.” Tay Tay apparently told Lorde she didn’t have to drink if she didn’t want to, but kept saying “rum is so good!” and “you’ll feel pretty” and “boys will like you.”

Who knew Taylor was really Rizzo and not Sandy?

So, last week a photo appeared online of John Travolta creeping up on a guy at 3AM in an LA gym; it was creepy because, well, Travolta, gym, massage, ick, and because it’s one of the rare times Travolta’s been photographed without that muskrat on his head.

Now, though, the guy who was creeped up on — one Justin Jones, a married stepfather of two children — has given an interview to The National Enquirer about the incident:

 “I was completely aware of what was happening. He just walks right up to me and introduces himself – ‘Hi, I’m John.’ He asked what I do for a living, if I was married, if I have kids, and what do I do with my spare time. … I understood what was happening when it was happening – it was in his body language. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but I noticed it.”

It would make me uncomfortable, unless I was in a HazMat suit with a spray bottle of bleach in my hand.

For his part, Travolta explained that he goes to the gym at 3AM to work out because … he … has … kids.

Um, okay?

I Didn't Say It ...

Michael Sam, in GQ Magazine, on coming out:

“If I had it my way, I never would have [come out] the way I did, never would have told it the way I did. I would have done the same thing I did at Mizzou. Which was to tell my team and my coaches and leave it at that. But since I did tell my team, word got out.  ... But the recruiters knew, and reporters knew, and they talked to each other, and it got out. If I didn't have the year I did, nobody would have cared. But I did have that year. And a lot of people knew. Someone was gonna ask me, 'I heard you told your team a secret.…' Well, I was comfortable with who I was, and I wouldn't have denied it. And then I wouldn't have been able to control the story. But I have no regrets. Some people can argue that I had the potential to go higher in the draft. But I think everything happens for a reason. It looks good to see me in the position I'm in now, because I can show the world how good I am and rise up the ranks. I'm at the bottom now. I can rise up, show I'm a football player. Not anything else. Just a football player."

As I like to say, he isn't a gay football player, he's a football player who is gay.

Amy Schumer, on Joan Rivers:

"I only met Joan Rivers once, but I carried her with me for as long as I can remember. The first time I heard Joan was in the move Spaceballs. She was brash and hilarious and just hearing the voice coming from that gold robot put this crazy idea in my head: that I could use my voice, too. When I filmed my first standup special in 2007 I had to fight to get a joke past the censors. The joke was, 'I'm at the age where my friends are having kids and the way they tell me that they’re pregnant is by taking us all out to brunch and saying, 'You guys? I'm keeping this one.' And I thought I was pretty edgy for doing such a dark joke in what is still an unforgiving time for women who exercise their right to choose. It wasn't until a year later that I watched a clip of Joan on The Tonight Show and she was doing a joke of a similar nature. She spoke of a friend of hers who'd gotten fourteen appendectomies in Puerto Rico ... I laughed out loud. The truth and the pain and the way she said it cut like a knife. When she performed that joke on television it was the early 70s. Think about that. She stuck her neck out at a dangerous time; she couldn't even say the word abortion on television. Now, I’m not going to say how big of balls she had to say that joke on the air, because she has taught us time and time again that having balls has nothing to do with it ...Joan was the bravest of all.  Joan always got blasted for being mean, but she had the guts to make fun of herself more than anybody. ... I loved a lot of funny women ... Gilda, Carol Burnett, and Lucy, too, but I spoke up in class ... because of that first voice I heard coming from that golden robot. She wasn't just a woman or a person. She was a comic, and wanted to be treated as such. I'm sure this speech would annoy her. She didn't want to be given credit for aspiring women. She wanted to be known as a great comedian. And, she was." 

Yes, she was. I like to consider myself a little like Joan because I say what’s on my mind, and I will make that joke that some might think inappropriate. But it’s my mind, my mouth, my joke.

Thank Joan for that.

LeAnn Rimes comparing herself to her stepson:

“I was super-driven as a kid. Even though I was on the road a lot, the teachers would give me homework and I would get it all done. I look at my 11-year-old stepson Mason, and I’m like, ‘I signed a record deal when I was your age. You’re still fumbling with tying your shoelaces.’”

And y’all thought Cinderella have a Wicked Stepmother.

By the way, there are no known photos of LeAnn tying her own shoes because they don't make lace-ups for cloven hooves.

Linda Harvey, “ex-gay” wingnut, on a Christmas gift for your favorite teen or college student struggling with their sexuality:

“If you were wondering what to get your teen or college student for Christmas, how about giving them the gift of common sense and morality? This is the way many people have described my book, Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View On Homosexuality. Same-sex relationships are not what anyone was born for yet there are reasons why people get there and even more reasons why they can leave those feelings behind.”

Linda? Honey? Nutjob? By the time your youngsters get to be teens or college students they know they’re gay, they’ve probably had some gay experiences, and your little Hate Book won’t change that.

Maybe you should take a seat now.

Robbie Rogers, openly gay soccer star, on being a role model:

"I realized that just by playing and being on the soccer field, that's a symbol right there, and that can encourage and give people hope. It was really those kids inspiring me that was kind of like my final decision — I need to sack up, I need to go back into soccer.'" 

The very kids for whom he is a role model, were role models to him for returning to soccer after coming out.

That’s progress.

I Didn't Say It ...

Neil Patrick Harris, on what it takes to make a relationship work:

"If you want relationships to last, live by ‘for better or worse.’ Honeymoon phases end. They just do. We’re animals, and animals aren’t inclined to copulate with just each other for the rest of their lives. So here’s a challenge: How do you keep redefining your relationship? I think you have to find new elements that turn you on, and not only sexually. Having kids was one of those great moments for me. Watching David become another level of person, mastering this other domain, made me look at him with a whole other set of appreciative eyes. That sort of made me re-fall in love with him."

If times change, relationships change, and the way we look at them including our own, changes.

I re-fall in love with Carlos constantly because every day he does something that makes me do it.

Bryan Fischer, of the hate group American Family Association, saying that all gay people should be inherently disqualified from holding public office:

“If you get a conviction for rape, you can't hold public office. You get a conviction for pedophilia, you can't hold public office. You might even get run out of office on a prostitution charge because it's sexually deviant behavior. Now lesbianism is sexually deviant behavior because it deviates from God's plan and design for human sexually. So I believe that this is a person who, because she's involved in sexually deviant behavior, should be, ought to be disqualified from public service.”

Oh, that old gay = rape, er, pedophilia, er, deviant. Gosh, you’d think Bryan would come up with a new argument.

But, in this case, he’s alluding to Rick Perry’s attempts to force Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg to resign following her arrest for drunk driving to argue his point. And he calls Lehmberg an "open lesbian" in his new, yet old, lame attempt to gay bash a community,.

Funny, though, he’s standing up for  man that many people assume is a closeted homosexual, so maybe Bryan doesn’t have a problem with the closeted gays in office … or as the head of an anti-gay hate group who have their own radio show.

Just sayin’.

Leann Rimes, being delusional … again:

“Yes. I’ve always said that Eddie and I are a gay man’s wet dream. I sing, you can look at him, and it’s perfect.”

Oh honey, if I wanted to be with Eddie and hear you sing I’d turn on a radio.

It'd go like this: Eddie and I are getting busy and I say to Leann: "Honey? Can you close the door? From the other side?"

You aren’t a gay man’s dream; you are an intrusion in a gay man’s dream.

Paul Ryan, on the GOP's renewed enthusiasm for perpetual loser at the presidency, Mittsy Romney:

"Sign me up for the Mitt Mania. I'd drive his [campaign] bus if he asked me."

Funny that he says nary a word about joining the ticket though because, well, losers.

Richard Chamberlain, on coming out at a late age:

"I knew I was gay at age 11 or 12, but I grew up in the 1930s and 40s, when being gay was not an option. I spent a lot of time trying to be someone else. My friends knew, but in Hollywood I was a romantic leading man, so I always lived in fear of being outed. When I started writing my book at age 65, I thought it would be a guide-to-life kind of thing, but my partner at the time and my publisher said, 'You've got to make it personal, and being gay is part of the story.' … While I was writing, it was almost as if an angel walked into the room and said, 'Richard, it's over. All this fear, this self-loathing is just stupid.' The message got right into my bones, and all the fear and self-loathing vanished."

Coming out, no matter when, is just that: being over the self-loathing and the hiding and the lying.

No matter when you do; no matter what age.