File Under: "Yeah, Like That's Gonna Happen!"

In what surely must be the most delusional thing to ever come out of his mouth — including his assertion of heterosexuality, which is laughable, at best, and pathetic, at worst — this week South Carolina’s own Lindsey Graham has said he is thinking of running for president.

Of the United States, y’all.

Graham, who votes every chance he gets to send Americans off to war, and then also votes every chance he gets to deny them benefits when they return home, is suggesting that she, er, he just might be the one to fix all the problems in this country by taking the White House in 2016.

Oh, but wait, there’s a caveat …

“If I get through my general election, if nobody steps up in the presidential mix, if nobody’s out there talking​ —​ me and McCain have been talking ​— ​I may just jump in to get to make these arguments.”

Yes, if he wins reelection he’ll think of running because when he loses his bid for the presidency, and make no mistake, while many of the loons in South Carolina think he’s just peachy, most of the people in America know he’s a twisted fruitcake and will never vote for him, he’ll still have his cushy job as a Senator to fall back on.

But if he loses his chance at reelection, then he won’t run because, well, he’s just a loser, with John McCain—remember The Mama Grizzly Bore™--his chief supporter:

“I’ve strongly encouraged him to give it a look. I think Lindsey has vast and deep experience on these issues that very few others have.”

Huh! That sounds awful close to what he said about that moron he chose for his running mate back in ’08.

Lindsey? Bitch, please. You haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting elected to the presidency, so take a seat, pour yourself a Cosmo and unwind with a Real Housewives marathon.

And shut up.